The List

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...the list.

Last night I mentioned 'the list' to my wife while expressing a somewhat carnal appreciation of a female celebrity. My wife riposted with, 'I'd like to see this list someday'. Her tone was one of slightly forced humor, coupled with some bemusement as I had just added a cartoon character to my list.(more on that later, as I'm still trying to figure it out myself) For those of you unfamiliar with The List, it's a mainly male thing, although more and more women are fessing up to having one. The List consists of the names of celebrities that, should some miracle occur the likes of which hasn't been seen on this Earth since bearded guys with sticks clove major bodies of water in twain and you get the chance to spend a night of sweaty passion with them, there is no marital penalty incurred. Of course, some guys try to cheat and put the hot waitperson at Bennigan's on their list, but unattainability is the chief criterion for The List. The circumstances surrounding the tryst have to be so improbable that your significant other would have no choice but to say, 'I'd have done the same thing.' No harm, no foul.

So, without further ado, I give you my list. In no particular order.

Angelina Jolie
Sandra Bullock
Liz Phair
Janeane Garofolo(sexy brain)
Heather Graham
Raven(the cartoon character)(very hot demon's daughter superhero)
Jessica Simpson(she just can't talk)
Hugh Jackman

Ok, now it's your turn. And don't be shy, ladies. You often say men don't understand you, well your list might just might point that clueless guy in the right direction.

Mooo

ru·mi·nant
n.
Any of various hoofed, even-toed, usually horned mammals of the suborder Ruminantia, such as cattle, sheep, goats, deer, and giraffes, characteristically having a stomach divided into four compartments and chewing a cud consisting of regurgitated, partially digested food

ru·mi·nate
v. ru·mi·nat·ed, ru·mi·nat·ing, ru·mi·nates
v. intr.
To turn a matter over and over in the mind.

I'ts 3:24am. I went to bed nearly six hours ago, and after a brief, but satisfying tussle with the missus, slept quite soundly. So, why am I here, now, spewing forth into cyberspace like Ron Jeremy at the Miss Teen USA pageant? Don't know. But my pain is your gain here at The Corner. Tonights ruminations are absolutely free! That's right folks, and don't ya wanna know just what these babies can do? Well allright then, let's go!

I've been trying to come up with a comprehensive list of the twelve albums everyone must have. Here it is:
1: American Idiot, Green Day
2: Moving Pictures, Rush
3: Rock Steady, No Doubt
4: Physical Graffiti, Led Zeppelin
5: The Violin Player, Vanessa Mae
6: Workshop of the Telescopes, Blue Oyster Cult
7: Paranoid, Black Sabbath
8: Break Like The Wind, Spinal Tap
9: Brontosaurus, DaVinci's Notebook
10: Jimmy Eat World, Jimmy Eat World
11: Godsmack, Godsmack
12: Cosmic Thing, The B-52's

Your turn.

Car trouble, bar trouble, bar tribble, far tribble, far babble, far cattle, fear cattle, fear chattle, dear chattle, dear john, dear juan, querida juana, ahhhhKelly Clarkson!!!!

Crikey, just look at the size of that beautiful monstah. We'ah hunting the wild Guanabana, a ferocious looking fruit that Latin Americans love to drink the juice of, but will tear your face clean off if they have a mind to. Now this is very dangerous, and don't you eveh try this, but I'm going to put this fierce bull guanabana down me trousers to keep it moist and warm.

Please return the stewardess to her original, upright position for landing.

Dave...my mind is going...I can feel it...I can feel it...would you like me to sing you a song?...I'm the son of rage and love...the...jesus...of...sssssuuuuuubbbbbuuuurrrrbbbiiaaaaaaaaa.................

Why are sex offenders required to make their presence known when they move into a community, but not murderers? Seems to me that might be some valuable information as well. It could actually become quite the tourist trade. Psycho/Perv tours. "And on the left is Bill 'Three Fingers' Mallone's house. He killed fifteen people with a sawed off shotgun, but got out early for good behavior. He got his nickname in prison, and no one yet has survived asking him why.Heh heh. And on the right, Father Mahoney's house. Oh, get your cameras out folks, he's mowing his lawn. And if you don't get a good snap of him now, you can buy a copy of his mug shot in our gift shop back at the tour center. Believe me, you don't want your kids going to his house on halloween. And coming up on the left, Cardinal Law's $14million estate..."

Would it be wrong for a man to entertain a retirement home by swallowing a whole keilbasa?

I think it would be really cool to have an exoskeleton, but it would be a bitch to get the turtle wax onto and off of your back. Especially if your wings kept getting in the way. And while I'm on this subject, do you suppose if insects had recreationist groups they might build skin suits and pretend that every thing that touched them hurt?

Have you noticed that George Carlin isn't so much funny nowadays as he is frighteningly correct?

Little Willy Willy won't go home, but cha can't push Willy round, Willy won't go. Try tell everybody but whoa no! Little Willy Willy won't...go home. God I hate that song.

I'm having trouble trying to sleep.
I'm counting sheep but running out.
As time ticks by, still I try
No rest for crosstops in my mind
On my own, here we go!

String theorists have a sticky wicket with which to struggle. Their theories are made up of some of the most elaborate, and unfathomable math ever invented, and even if they are correct that all particles are really manifestations of cosmic strings, and it's only the frequency of their vibrations in a ten or eleven dimensional universe that differentiates the various bits of matter, they will most likely never be able to prove it through demonstrable experimentation. They will just have to take it on faith that the equations match the real universe. I wonder if they see the religious overtones and appreciate the irony.

Google The Flying Spaghetti Monster. You won't regret it.

Ok, I've chewed my mental cud enough here. I'm going to try the sleep thing again.

Marius, over and out.

Grrr! 

Epiphany

Lately I've been lamenting over my stressed and insufficient life, and have been struggling with the inward battle of 'am I really in the right line of work?'. Most of my friends, at least those whose level of antiquity approaches my own, are doing better, financially, than I am. Most have been married with multiple offspring for many years. Most own their own homes. SCAwise most of them are peers many times over. I have been trying not to get a case of the green-eyes, and I do not begrudge them one single iota of their successes. They have all worked very hard to get where they are. But their success seemed to me to further put my own shortcomings into sharper relief.

And then an epiphany came, as usual, from the least expected place.

I was just playing an online game where folks can chat as they play. A couple of the players were talking about how sucky it was that their vacations were almost over, and what a drag it would be going back to work. That gave me pause, because I haven't had to say that for more than a decade. I may not be rolling in the dough, but I love my job. Not only do I love doing theatre for a living, I love teaching it even more. I also have to keep reminding myself that most people don't wait to go to grad school until they are 36 or so. So it took me a little while longer than most to figure out what I wanted to be when I grew up. (I'll let you know when I get there) And every September, without exception, since 1996 I have said at some point, I'm glad the Summer's over. I'm ready to get back to work. Not everyone can say that. And I also didn't get married til I was 38, so y'all got quite a head start on me there.

So Carol, Dave and Robin, Adam and Bi, Jeff and Glea, Bob and Patty, Heff I doff my cap to your success, and I rejoice for you all. But henceforth I shall cease to look for my face reflected in your mirrors, except when I kick your asses at pool!
:-)

Peace out, my friends,
Marius

Must...Kill..All.. Humans

Here's where you can get your own cyborg name.

http://www.cyborgname.com/

(thanks, Heff!):-)

The Crab Riseth

The last few months have brought great upheavals to your friendly, neighborhood Marius. I had to leave a job I rather enjoyed due to tunnel-visioned fundamentalists; lost a dear, too distant family member to leukemia and was robbed of the chance to say goodbye because we weren't told she was in relapse until a week after her death; moved into a hell-hole of an apartment where we are stuck for a year; and in the last couple of days I have found out that two people who mean a great deal to me are fighting for their lives against cancer. I don't know if either of them reads this blog, and I have already communicated my love and concern privately, but I want to reinforce that here. And to anyone else reading this, if there is someone you love out there, and you haven't been in touch with them in ages, call, or email, or write an old fashioned letter and tell them you love them. Don't assume all is well, and don't hesitate to offer a hand, even if it's just to hold for a moment. And if all is well, then rejoice and go grab a beer.

I won't out my friends. Such a battle is an intensely private thing, but you both know who you are, and you know I'm here for you, and I know that you will both win your battles.

Love always,
Wihtgar

The Mannequin and the Rabbi

Well, well, well. It seems our lovely(?) Senate hopefull dabbles, or at least dabbled in the occult. But Marius, that would be quite offensive to the right-wing Christians who find the Republicans so appealing these days. How can you say such things?

I don't have to. The Orlando Sentinel did. Apparently four years ago the Florida state government, in the person of one Secretary of State Katherine Harris, embarked on a six month study to see if the miracle liquid Celestial Drops would solve the citrus canker problem. Celestial Drops were introduced to our beloved Sec-O-State by rabbi Abe Hardoon, who told her that this holy fluid was water that was 'blessed' by its being kept in proximity to sacred Kaballah texts. It was supposed to have 'improved fractal design', 'high energy and low entropy', and 'infinite levels of order'. This is, of course, fertilizer of the highest grade, but Harris swallowed it hook, line, and sinker. Of course, if citrus canker was a trivial thing, and not the multi-billion dollar destroyer of entire groves, I suppose a little leeway for 'outside the box' thinking might be overlooked. But when a prominent government official can be so easily duped into spending tax dollars on what scientists later proved to be normal water, I strongly question her ability to represent anyone. And before anyone starts quoting Nancy Regan's use of an astrologer, she was not an elected official. The family members of politicians are allowed to be nut-jobs (Billy Carter, the Bush Twins), and add a welcome bit of comic relief to the often boring world of politics, but I don't think I want a senator who can be hoodwinked by every snake-oil salesman with whom she shares a tray of finger sandwiches. Of course, that's just me. ;-)

Marius

Science vs Norse Mythology

This is just too funny. Check it out.
Marius

http://www.thepaincomics.com/Science%20vs.%20Norse.jpg

Not Mine, but Funny

16 Signs It’s Time To Abandon Your Space Station
1. “Dear Dmitri: We at Mutual of Kazakhstan regret to inform you of the cancellation of your insurance policy....”

2. Ship’s computer calmly says, “I don’t know what air leak you’re talking about, Comrade Dave.”

3. After several days of low oxygen, you’re starting to give serious consideration to Cosmonaut Andrei’s offer to join the “Hundred Mile High” club.

4. It’s down to just you and Sigourney Weaver.

5. Old ladies swatting at you with rakes from their roof tops.

6. Mission Control asks if you can “beam down immediately.”

7. Network news broadcasts have started referring to you as “Spam in a can.”

8. No more Stoli.

9. That’s one small scratch on the port, one giant gash on the starboard side.

10. The Russian Transportation Safety Bureau has issued a recall on all Mir Model 2000 Orbital Space Platforms.

11. The Kremlin announces the space station has a mild cold.

12. The Super Glue is gone and you’re down to one roll of duct tape.

13. They’ve already chosen Tom Hanks to play you in Apollo 13, Part II.

14. You and your comrades realize those weren’t “spare” oxygen generator parts you made the still out of.

15. You overhear Mission Control arguing over who gets to keep your stuff.

16. You translate a Russian message which reads “Jettison the American....”

Mea Culpa

Ok, lately The Corner has been redolent with verbal compost, and for that I apologize. Life in the homestead has been particularly challenging, and the quality of my blogging, such as it is, has suffered. Also the news has been rather bland of late, with the usual conservative shennanigans, and liberal bitching, but nothing really noteworthy. Even on the science front things have been relatively quiet. The biggest news is that the Mars Reconnaisance Orbiter launched flawlessly a couple of weeks ago, and deployed all it's antennae and solar panels perfectly. In typical NASA hyperbole one engineer described it as 'the most nominal launch I have ever seen'. They're so cute when they get excited. It will now spend the better part of a year getting to our rusty neighbor, and then take 6 months of gentle aerobraking to settle into its final orbit. Once there it will send back truly specatcular images and data since it is carrying, among many other devices, the largest optical camera ever sent out of Earth orbit. So, in late 2006 things will get all Mars-y again. Until then, I'll try to avoid any more Shakespearean rewrites. ;-)

Love and kisses,
Marius

A State of Flux

My ex and I used to make time to watch Aeon Flux when they made a series out of the mind-blowing shorts from the short lived MTv show Liquid Television. The heroine, a skeletally skinny assasin in full S&M gear in the shorts, looked a bit less like a death-camp inmate on the series, but the plot lines remained more convoluted than the Bush administrations justifications for just about anything they do. Now this La Femme Nikita on acid is coming to the big screen with Charlize Theron as the titular uber-chick. I just watched two trailers, and while Theron is about 100 pounds heavier than her animated counterpart, she has the attitude down pat. I might even allow myself a bit of gleeful anticipation about this film. But only a little. Most of the movies made from television shows of which I am, or have been fond have delivered only the direst of disappointments. Lost In Space, The Avengers, The Wild Wild West, Star Trek V(shudder), all sucked harder than a lamprey in a vacuum chamber, and don't even get me started on the upcoming Six-Million Dollar Man movie starring, hang on a minute while I repress my gag reflex, Jim Carrey. It's bad enough when a much anticipated film fails to impress (you listening Lucas?) but when the creativity-challenged money grubbers in Hollywood get their hands on our childhood heroes the result is usually abyssmal. The bean counters and bottom line feeders are so worried about appealing to every single mouth-breathing yokel with seven bucks to spare that they'll butcher the story in order to insure against offending anyone...anyone but the people who made the original source material a hit in the first place. So you end up with Will Smith fighting a giant spider, Jim Carrey turning an iconic, and truly original astronaut into a comedy worthy of a Jim Neighbors sitcom, and Gary Oldman lipsyncing 'oh the pain' onto a stupid CGI effect specifically designed to make the audience wonder WTF?! For those of you that remember Battle of the Network Stars, and can also remember anything other than Adrien Barbeau in a skin-tight one piece, you might join me in this question:

Where's Robert Conrad when we need him?

Nostalgically yours,
Marius

Soliloquy

To Blog, or not to Blog, that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler on the web to suffer the quips and beratings of outrageous comments,
or to take umbrage 'gainst a sea of conservatives
and with a derisive word negate them.
To type, to read
No more
And by a reading to say that I know more about the universe than you do

Tis a fictional affirmation devoutly to be wished

To type, to read. To read, perchance to be read, aye there's the rub

For who knows what readers might come when we have online posted this mortal drivel?

Must give bloggers pause, for who will respect that which makes calamity of so long a posting?

For who would bear the quips and scorns of lurkers;
The conservatives' harangue,
The liberals' belly-ache
The insolence of adolescent sages who spurn logic for a raised lighter and empty keg
When he, himself might his quietus make with a bare delete key?

Who would relevancy bear, to grunt and sweat under a self imposed need for truth and accuracy, but that the dread of being branded 'wrong' puzzles the will and makes us rather paraphrase long dead poets, than fly to news reports the details we know not of? Thus conscience doth make linguistic Onanists of us all, and entries of great wit and merit with this regard are turned to animated frogs, and pointless bitching, and lose the name of action.

Help Me

I'm trapped in a computer training class where the trainer doesn't seem to know how it works, and most of us don't know the number to access the system becuase our boss has that info, and it's a total cluster f*ck. I'm so glad I got to spend my Saturday morning like this. whoo hoo.

Crazy Frog Update

We here at The Corner are nothing if not thorough. When we find something we like, we research it until the very thought of the thing makes us want to spew. (must come from spending more than a decade in school) Anyway, we...well, ok I was curious what the genesis of the Crazy Frog was, so I found out. And I'm sure you are just dying to know it. Well hold on to your hats, Gentle Readers, cause here it comes.

In 1997 a 17 year old Swede by the name of Daniel Malmedahl was playing around with his computer, and he recorded his imitation of a friend's moped. It hovered in realative obscurity on the internet until a guy named ERIK WERNQUIST made an animation to go with the sounds called The Annoying Thing ( http://www.turboforce3d.com/annoying/ ) in 2003. Now, the song and video are from a German group called The Bass Bumpers ( http://www.danceartistinfo.com/bassbump.htm ) who sampled the audio from The Annoying Thing, mixed it with their version of Axel F, and released it into the airwaves. And the rest...is history.

There you go. More than you ever wanted to know about the Crazy Frog.

You're welcome. ;-)
Marius

The Penis Mightier...

Before you read this edition of The Corner, go here and watch the Crazy Frog video.

http://www.atomfilms.com/af/content/axel_crazy_frog?swhomeclicktrack=AF1




Don't worry. We'll wait for you.

dum dum...dum dum du-dum dum dum...dum dum dum du-DUM dum dum...dum dah dum dee dum dee dum dum dum-dum...Ding Ding! (dammit! can't get that music out of my head)

Ok, aside from it being a fun video, with some very well done CGI, I can't get over the number of people who were bugged by the fact that the crazy frog had a little willy. This nation seems to be terrified by the penis. How strange that something so small(in the grand scheme of things, that is) can carry such power. I showed my 7 year old that video this morning, and she loved it, and I did not detect any trauma because the frog had a little winky. As far as I could tell she didn't even notice...and neither did my wife until I mentioned it. I mentioned it because there is a list of reviews of the video, and several people were bothered by the 'little pecker'. I imagine that the animator got sick of anthropomorphic animals roaming around with no clothing, or genitalia. (not that I particularly want to see Wile E. Coyote's package) but what is it about the male member that frightens people so?

There is such a double standard about nudity in this country. Mores about female nudity in entertainment have grown steadily more lax(unless you are at a football game, which we will all know epitomizes family values) over the last couple of decades, but the prohibition on the penis has remained as...pardon me but I must...rigid as ever. Women's naughty bits leap out at us from all corners on billboards, tv commercials, magazine ads, product lables. And while there is a constant background buzz from religious groups about how awful this is, you don't really hear the caterwauling until Mr. Wiggly rears his cyclopian head and puts in an on-screen appearance. Suddenly a PG-13 or R rating becomes NC-17 quicker than you can say vas deference. And if said creature should get overly interested in things along comes the dreaded X. And on stage, if a woman doffs her duds it might get a mention in the review, but if a male thespian drops trou it's all over the trade rags. Why are people so obsessed with 6"-9"(on average)chunk of wrinkly, erectile tissue? If anything, it's the overly agressive jerk who's driving the winky that should be the offensive part.

Of course, there is an esthetic consideration at work. All things being equal a well sculpted nude man is as attractive as a well sculpted nude woman, until you lose the speedo. The flaccid penis is not a thing of beauty, and if your sculpture is aroused...well that puts a whole different spin on things. Women's naughty bits are more esthetically pleasing no matter her frame of mind at the time, or the temperature. (shrinkage, people, shrinkage)

I think it has to do with fear. Men still make most of the rules, and men constantly worry that someone else has a bigger crazy frog. When The Terminator came out I heard more about the fact that Arnie's little terminator was visible for a second than I did the plot, but not from any of my female friends. Only the guys noticed enough to mention it. Personally I was not particularly affected by Arnold's mini-me, though it was as impressive as the rest of him, and it did not change my opinion of the movie. I live a healthy, relatively sane existence despite having seen a penis on screen.

Comments, anyone?

Marius

Give the Guy a Chance

There is no need to check the back yard for pods, or stick a hot wire into a petrie dish of my blood, it's really me, and I'm not drunk. Why am I saying this, you might ask. Well, I'm about to agree with George W. in a big way, and while it's bugging the crap out of me, I can remain silent no longer. I like John Roberts for the Supreme Court.

Now before you ask me for my Liberal Membership Card and my bleeding heart lapel pin, hear me out. W could have nominated some crazy, KKK-esque right-wing nut job that would have the Congress tied up in hearings for months, but for once he chose the smart path. Roberts is conservative, yes. This is no surprise; how many judges aren't? Everything I have heard about Roberts tells me that he is a rational, intelligent, and moderate person interested solely in upholding the law. Left-wing extremists have tried to connect a ruling he made in 1991 to an abortion clinic bombing in 1998 in a poorly planned tv spot, which has since been recalled. Right-wing extremists have tried to connect him to gay rights because he once worked on a gay rights case in the 80's. He was a lawyer, working for a firm, and took the case pro bono (without charge) regardless of his personal views, which I think speaks volumes for his respect for the law. I would question a lawyer who would refuse a case because of the client's sexuality. He argued the case based on the rule of law, not the rule of hyberbole.

Roberts strikes me as someone who will carefully examine each case, using precedant and the Constitution as his guides, rather than emotion and dogma.

Here is a quote taken from his wikipedia article (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_G._Roberts,_Jr.):

[S]imply because you have a problem that needs addressing, it’s not necessarily the case that Federal legislation is the best way to address it...[T]he constitutional limitation doesn’t turn on whether it’s a good idea. There is not a ‘‘good idea’’ clause in the Constitution. It can be a bad idea, but certainly still satisfy the constitutional requirements.

Given that Bush was not going to put someone in the Supreme Court who leaned too far left, I'm glad to see that he is nominating someone who is definately on the right, but seems to be more interested in the stability of the middle.

In other words, it could have been a whole lot worse.

Harry Potter Musings {Warning: Half Blood Prince Spoilers}

Hi folks,

I just finished reading Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, so I want to post while it's still fresh in my addled little head.

1. I don't think Dumbledore is truly dead. It's either some sort of ploy to fool Voldemort, or an Obi-Wan, if you strike me down I shall only become more powerful thing.

2. Dumbledore wasn't begging Snape for mercy, he was begging Snape to fulfill his obligation to 'kill' him.

3. Snape has not gone back to being a Death Eater. He is still working for Dumbledore. When Snape and Draco were escaping, and Harry kept trying to stop him, Snape seemed more annoyed than murderous. Snape could have easily done a lot more harm to Harry than he did, and seemed to be giving him advise even through his hatred of our hero.

4. Ginny will find a way back to Harry. She's a lot smarter, more patient, and wiser, than anyone gives her credit for. She has watched Harry and his 'hero complex' for quite some time now, and obviously expected his selfless pushing her away. What Harry doesn't realize is that in the eyes of the enemy she's already linked to him, and thus a valid target. Plus she can take care of herself better than most of them. She is also the only other one with a link to Voldemort, so she's not exactly out of harm's way no matter her romantic entanglements.

5. I am an incredibly geek. Not the biggest one, but certainly in the top 20th or 30th percentile. ;-)

I thought this was the best book of the series. I know that puts me in the minority, but the reasons I liked it seem to be the same reasons many didn't. There was much less exposition, and much more story in this one. It almost seems like Rowling has grown as weary of writing every single class and discussion as I have of reading them. I re-read Order of the Phoenix before Half-Blood Prince just to refresh my memory, and it took nearly two-thirds of that book for the story to really kick in. Half-Blood Prince, on the other hand, hit the ground running and never stopped. Admittedly she left a lot of loose ends, and the next book, if indeed if it is to be the last, has a lot of ground to cover. Rowling has already proven that traditional outcomes are not necessarily the way she'll go, so discussions of will Ron and Hermione get married, or will Harry and Ginny are rather moot. So far these characters have avoided the 2-dimensionality of many fictional people and acted more like real teenagers. I don't think we need worry about such classic, and in my opinion trite, wrap-ups as multiple marriages, and happily-ever-afters. I would like to see a father figure enter Harry's life without biting it at the end, but then who's to say if any of the main characters are safe? If Rowling will whack Dumbledore, are any of our heroes out of danger? Only the author knows, or maybe not. I have written short stories where the characters did, or said things that surprised me, but made sense. I think the greatest testament to Ms. Rowlings prowess is not her fame and fortune, Paris Hilton is rich and famous(and completely useless), but rather the fact that so many of us are totally hooked on her stories. What started as a book for young children has become a masterwork of people who don't exist, but we care about as if they did. I cried when James Doohan died, and felt strange for mourning someone I never met. Imagine my incredulity this morning when I teared up while reading about a funeral for someone who I not only never met, but who never existed in the first place. That is the highest praise I think any author can hope for.

Congratulations, Ms. Rowling, on a job well done.

Marius

It's the Captain Obvious Show

I heard on the news today that at last night's taping of the Pamela Anderson celebrity roast (and may I say that if Comedy Central scrapes the bottom of the barrel any harder they're going to fall right through it) Courtney Love was so messed up that they will have to edit most of her antics in order to air the show. That's not the blogworthy part of this. The reason I'm writing about an event you couldn't pay me to watch is that they actually seemed surprised by Love's behavior. Isn't that sort of like going outside, taking a deep breath, and turning to the guy next to you and saying, "Holy shit! You can breathe this stuff?!" What did they expect from someone who's public displays of fucked-uppedness can upstage Madonna? The chick makes Green Day at the VMA's seem like Paul McCartney at the Super Bowl. I would think that the reason you invite Courtney Love to any event is to enjoy the inevitable freak show. She's the reigning court jester in the show biz kingdom. The hell with Ted Nugent and Gary Busey, I'd love to see a reality show called I Love Courtney. It would be like a narcotics riddled rodeo. Twelve unsuspecting people are put in a limo with Love, and the last one standing at the end of the night gets a free liver transplant and one year's dialysis.

Another example of high profile 'Duh!' is an ad campaign I have recently seen for NyQuil. Apparantly there are two or three people living in the Himalayas who don't know that NyQuil will knock you out faster than a crack junkie with a stun-gun, so the geniuses at some advertising firm felt it necessary to inform the public that NyQuil will give you "the best sleep ever with a cold'. Nooooo, really? To paraphrase Dennis Leary the reason they keep the stuff tasting so bad (green death and cherry-from-hell) is that by the time your tastebuds are aware of the assault you're on the floor doing your Sunny Von Bulow impression. (look it up, it builds character) Next I expect to see ads for beaches from the same firm that go something like: The Ocean...it's wet!

Every day you hear about some idiot who assumed that 'all natural' means totally harmless (here's a hint, kiddies: turpentine comes from trees, but we don't want to drink it), or that just because there's no lable saying 'putting pencils in your eyes can really suck' it's ok to sue Ticonderoga for his opthamologist bills. I mean I agree that tobacco company executives are some of the most evil people to ever walk this Earth, but I smoked for several years, and not once did I take a deep drag off my Marlboro Light, smack my lips, and go 'Yup, that's gotta be doing wonders for my insides. I'm so glad that RJ Reynolds made these things so good for me.' Idiots roam our streets like extras from a George Romero movie, but contrary to Darwin, they seem to be multiplying. It's Dawn of the Dork, and we few who make an effort to use that bowl of goo inside our craniums are being overwhelmed by a sea of WWE, and Cops, and the Farrelly Brothers, and the absolute belief that there is a kidney stealing prostitute ring in Las Vegas that smuggles drugs in dead children but forgot to turn off their cell-phones before putting gas in their car and were subsequently blown up. We're seeing fewer thinking caps, and more tinfoil hats that deflect the secret CIA mind control beams.

And finally, allow me to finish this rambling rant with this bit of calm, reasoned debate over a concept that has way more adhearants then it should. <>

NO, THE EARTH IS NOT FLAT, YOU MORONS! AND YES, WE DID GO TO THE GOD-DAMNED MOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Um, I seem to have strayed a bit from my original brief, but in a nutshell, sex is more fun than logic. One cannot prove this, but it is, in the same sense that Mount Everest is, or that Alma Cogen isn't.

Thank you.

Katherine Harris: Viable Republican Senatorial Candidate, or Evil Mannequin From Hell

So our old nemesis from the 2000 presidential election debacle is back. Rising like Freddy Kruger from the shadow of the Florida state legeslature, looking more and more like Katherine Helmond in Brazil every day, Harris has announced her intention to run for the US Senate. I will try to resist the temptation to attack her fasion sense, or steely hair style, as it bothers me when people attack female politicians differently than males. I mean I have read questions in the press as to whether she has had cosmetic surgery or not, or whether she wears too much make-up, and she has even rebutted that some pictures of her were deliberately doctored so she looked more made-up than she really was. No one has ever asked if George W. ever had any 'work done', or whether Dick Cheney needs to get hair plugs, so I won't resort to such juvinile musings here. (no, don't look at the title of this installment...you don't need to see his indentification...these aren't the droids you're looking for) Instead I will simply rejoice that she has thrown her pillbox hat into the arena. (damn! sorry.) I have done some checking into her background, and it's really no better or worse than any of Bush's other Death Eaters. There are numerous allegations of wrongdoing, and conflicts of interest, and then there was that whole election thing. But nothing solid, and nothing prosecuted. She is, in my opinion, at best incompetant-at worst as evil as the rest of them. But the reason I'm glad she's running is that lots, and lots of people in Florida are mad as hell at her for disenfranchising them in 2000. Folks don't usually pay attention to a vote on oil drilling, or whether a tax bill passed or not, but tell them they can't vote, or the vote they did cast didn't count, and they don't forget. Katherine Harris running for any public office is a great thing, because she is so universally despised by the left, and many moderates, that she can only help get people to the polls. And that is our biggest problem in this country--apathy. Too many people don't vote, and then bitch about what's going on with the government. Now if we can just get David Duke, or Zell Miller the GOP nomination in 2008 life will be sweet.

Marius

It Was Bound To Happen

Howdy, Folks. The time I knew would arrive has finally come. If you read the comments from my last post I finally offended someone. Not that this was my goal, but I am surprised at which one did it. All of my Bush bashing and NASA criticizing, and Godzilla quoting didn't warrant a real objection (other than my over-religious nemesis who is an inveterate chain-yanker), but getting upset at the ghouls and rubberneckers on the highways did. I have already responded to the injured person, and I sincerely hope that they understand where I was coming from, but this gives me a great opportunity to state clearly that I welcome any and all commentary, especially if you disagree with me. I am frequently, and usually staggeringly, wrong about things, and if you have a reasoned, salient beef I'd love to hear it. I enjoy a good debate, and will gladly change my position should I be proven wrong. On the other hand, if you just want to say I'm full of shit, bring it on...but beware: if you come out swinging, so will I. One of my favorite comments on the First Amendment I ever heard, and I wish I knew who said it, goes something like 'I may not agree with what you are saying, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.'

Anonymous, I regret that you were hurt by my rant, but I thank you for taking a stand and letting me know about it.

Marius

Random Thoughts

I think it should be legal to ram rubberneckers. You know, those ghoulish assholes who tie up the freeway by slowing to a crawl when passing an accident scene in the hopes of seeing some carnage. Actually, based on stories I have heard from emergency response folks I have known, I think that it should be legal, nay encouraged, to severly pummel anyone standing around gawking at an accident, fire, crime scene. That's it! Hire people to ride with ambulances and fire rescue vehicles whose sole purpose is to knee-cap the ghouls with a steel pipe. And then the K-9 officers can train their dogs to piss on them while they writhe on the ground. Oh, oh, and then the press can publish pictures of them on special 'dirtbag of the week' web sites, so kindly grandmothers and Boy Scouts can spit on them when they get recognized at Target, and their own mothers would disown them, and then they'd be ever so sorry they took pleasure in someone else's pain.

Or even worse, make them George W. Bush's personal valet for a week.

On second thought, that's just too cruel.

Welcome Home

I know I've been bitching a lot about NASA here at the Corner lately, but I got a lump in my throat as I was driving to work today and heard the words "Discovery is home' come out of my radio. Congratulations to the crew of Discovery, and to the thousands of men and women who made the mission a success.

Marius

In Vino Veritas

Saturday night, while deep into our cups, Dave, Jeff, and I set about to solve the world's problems. And I think we did a fair job of it. We managed to realign algebra, evaluate the Civil War more realistically, and establish once and for all that George W. Bush is an asshole. But one thing came to me that I think might bear closer scrutiny in the light of sober dawn. We were talking about 911, and the belief that Al Queada (or however the fuck you spell it) awoke the sleeping giant, and got more than they bargained for when we flattened Afghanistan. We were trying to fathom just what they had hoped would happen, when it dawned on my that, given that most of the hijackers were Saudi citizens, maybe the intended result would be the US coming down on Saudi Arabia. It could be that Bin-Laden and the rest of his penile-length challenged dirtbags are a puzzled by our inaction against the Saudi's as most of we are.

Discussion? Comments?

Marius

Reunions

Greetings, Gentle Readers.

The last three weeks have seen some wonderful reunions twixt your friendly neighborhood Marius and some of my oldest and dearest friends. First was a journey a couple of hours southward to visit Adam and Bi, and their kids. They have built a house out on the fringes of civilization (at least for now) which is gorgeous, and decorated in the very highest of geek-chic. Superheroes and Loony Toons characters greet you from every shelf and corner, as do a very snooty cat, and a fluffy, happy tongue with a puppy attached. The kids got along great, as did the wives. There was much silliness, some drinking, games were played, giggling children were chid at the wee small hours, and not much sleeping was done on anyone's part. In other words, a grand time was had by all. (no Wampuses were harmed in the making of this blog entry)

This weekend saw the recalling of the gang that went to NYC to surprise Dave on his birthday. I don't know if he's just good at taking things in stride, or he was on to us, but he didn't seem particularly surprised to see us waiting for him with balloons and streamers and such. He was delighted, though. We spent the majority of the day/evening just goofing off, drinking, swimming, playing pool, and chasing the 7 children that were there. If there were some way to harness the energy generated by a small group of children we could tell OPEC to take a flying leap. Gradually, as the night wore on, wives and children went to bed, and then one by one the men dropped off. Around 3ish I finally crashed, and then Jeff and Dave could hold out no longer.
Sunday, after some half-hearted chastisement from the spouses about how drunkenly loud we had been, we went out on Dave's boat for a couple of hours. We fished a bit, saw some dolphins and gars, and lots of birds, but mostly just did nothing...and enjoyed every minute of it. Then it was time to drag screaming children away from the video games, gather up the debris of the weekend, distribute hugs and promises of quick and frequent returns, and head home.

This apartment complex still sucks, but being so close to those I love the most is certainly making it more endurable. I am going to try to get us a little further south if I can, by Grapthar's Hammer, but at least for now being able to get to my friends in hours, instead of days is very, very welcome.

Yours from a very warm and fuzzy Marius

Scenes from the Future

Astromechanic Bob Schwartzman cursed for the fiftieth time in as many minutes. The dehumidifier in his suit was malfunctioning again, and sweat was stinging his eyes. Considering that just a few centimeters past the end of his nose was hard vacuum, with temperatures that could fluctuate hundreds of degrees in mere seconds he decided he couldn’t complain too much about a little extra moisture, but it sure as hell made a tough job more difficult. The waste disposal unit on Ell-5 Station’s third quadrant habitation ring failed again, and was steadfastly refusing to reclaim the water and minerals needed by the denizens of the station. This was his fourth EVA to fix the unit. He shook his head violently in a vain effort to keep the droplets out of his eyes, but in the micro-gravity environment they just floated around inside his helmet.

“Hey Charlie!” Bob growled into his mic.

“Yeah, what?”

“I thought you fixed this damn suit.”

“I did. Is it my fault you sweat like a 16 year old girl on prom night?”

“Ha fucking ha!” Bob’s tone carried very little amusement. “When are you gonna finish screwing around and get out here and give me hand?”

“I’m almost done here, but you’re not gonna believe the news story I just found in the archives. Remember reading about the first space shuttle program in history class?”

“Yeah, barely. What about it?”

“Well, apparently they weren’t really able to do any repair work on the ship in orbit.”

“What the fuck? Why not?”

“It doesn’t really say. It seems like the ship was too fragile to risk touching it or some shit. Don’t quite follow how it can take micro-meteor strikes but not a screwdriver, but whatever, they couldn’t.”

Bob was wrestling with a stubborn o-ring, and was growing impatient with his shift-mate’s irrelevancies. “So what’s that got to do with anything?”

“So I’m looking at these old news stories from near the end of the program, and I find hundreds of megabytes of video of this guy going EVA to pull out a bit of filler that popped out on the belly of the ship during launch. They spent days watching NASA prepare for the ‘repair’”

The o-ring finally snapped; sending the two halves flying into orbit.

“Shit!” Bob exclaimed.

“What’s wrong?” Charlie asked.

“Damn o-ring tore my glove. Hang on a minute.”

Bob retrieved his tube of stop leak from a pocket on his suit and squirted the gooey substance over the tear in his glove. It sealed instantly. He put the tube away and turned back to the open bulkhead in front of him.

“Ok, I’m fine. Not that I really care about this, but is there some point to your story?”

“Yeah, I just thought you would find it funny that they spent two days preparing to send the guy out, and then it took hours for him to go under the ship, since it was too fragile to touch. Finally, when he gets to the stuff all he does is pull it out with his hands and the world goes fucking nuts! All he did was yank out a bit of foam and they treat him like a goddam hero. Here we are, busting our butts every day doing real work, and we’re lucky to get so much as a thank you. How d’ya like that?”

“It’s a real fucking crime.” Sarcasm dripped from Bob’s voice. “So how ‘bout you play the hero and get your ass out here and help me with this shitbot? Or do I have to pull rank?”

“All right, don’t get your panties in a twist. I just thought you’d find it funny s’all.”

“Sure, I’m laughing my ass off. Now get out here, and bring another number 6 o-ring!”

Charlie sighed and turned off the computer terminal. “Aye aye, sir!” he said in his best, mock military manner.

Bob started removing the restraining bolts holding the waste unit in place. “Kiss my ass.” He muttered under his breath.


Marius

How Much More Bush Can We Take?

It's no secret that I have no love for the current administration, nor for that overblown, underqualified fratboy at the helm, but this takes the cake. I am so sick of the Machiavellian tactics employed by the Republicans in power that I would love to go to Washington just to vomit on the White House lawn. George W sidestepped the democratic process to appoint John Bolton, a man well known for being about as diplomatic as Roseanne, to be our ambassador to the United Nations. Bolton's appointment has been held up in Congress by most Democrats, and some Republicans, because of his comments in the past disdaining the U.N., and for allegedly being a dick to work for/with. Seems to me that those would be the sorts of things we wouldn't want in one of our chief diplomats. But be that as it may, that's not what has me so incensed. Putting people in jobs for which they are eminently unqualified is a long-standing Washington tradition; a place where back scratching, nepotism, and a non-existent gag reflex are the keys to the kingdom. What I'm sick of is the American people's total willingness to let these assholes do whatever they want with impunity.

It is true that the 'recess appointment' is an important tool for presidents, but usually the appointments are of an emergency nature (i.e. someone died), or for relatively minor positions (i.e. ambassador to Luxembourg). The appointment of John Bolton has been a major bone of contention for quite some time now, and Bush's reasoning, "This post is too important to leave vacant any longer, especially during a war and a vital debate about UN reform," is just more smoke and mirrors. Ever since 911 Bush, Cheny, Rumsfeld, Ashcroft (thank God he's gone), and the rest of the Republican majority have been spewing out meaningless platitudes to justify their 'we know best, so don't you dare question us' policies. And far too many Americans eat this shit up like it's $500 a can Russian caviar.

Technically recess appointments are temporary, but in this case temporary means until January of 2007! I think that this is far more dangerous to the country than whether the president got blown, or a fading pop star showed her nipple at a football game, or a video game that is already loaded with reprehensible depictions of graphic violence suddenly having graphic sex in it. It's time this country woke up and realized that the ruling majority are using irrelevancies to distract us from the real damage they are doing. Real issues, like health care, welfare reform, and reigning in the rampaging excesses of government are hidden in the smoke of abortion, gay marriage, and a war that was started with lies, and is maintained with the blood of our youngest, and poorest citizens. Where is the cry for impeachment? Where is the indignation every time another civil liberty is trampled? Where is the challenge to such false red flags such as 'liberal media', 'war on terror', 'pro life', or that most oxy-moronic of terms 'compassionate conservative'? Maybe someone needs to find a young intern who is willing to take one for the team and get caught in the oval office with Dubya. But then again, the way things are today people will probably just say, 'That poor man works so hard, who could blame him for needing some relief.' I love America, but Americans are pissing me off.

Marius

What Do You Expect From A Flying Thermos?

Ok, more crap fell off of Discovery's main fuel tank. Fortunately it doesn't seem to have made a difference, except to future missions. But it is indicative of the primary problem with the system...the tank is essentially a giant styrofoam thermos designed to keep the liquid oxygen and hydrogen that are the shuttles fuel cold enough to remain liquid. (-312 degrees F). The foam on the outside not only helps insulate the contents, but it prevents the formation of potentially dangerous ice as a result of the humid Florida air. Of course we have a classic catch-22 here. Lose the foam and you have ice that can fall off during launch and damage the orbiter. Keep the foam, and you have foam that can fall off during launch and damage the orbiter. What to do...what to do?

Fortunately there are solutions, but they are somewhat painful. Retire the shuttles and build something new. That has been in the works for some time now, but the work has been going very, very slowly. There were numerous, well publicized failures in the last decade or so. The X-33, X-34, and Delta Clipper projects were all terminated in the early 2000's with very little progress made. These were all SSO(single stage to orbit) vehicles, looking to further the near-total reusability paradigm that was the genesis of the STS program.(Space Transport System is the shuttle's real name) Unfortunately that ideology is exactly why the shuttle never worked as well as it was planned.

Orginally the shuttle program was to see several launches per month, often with more than one vehicle in orbit at once. Alas, that never happened. The reality is that space flight is a very dangerous proposition, and a very expensive one. Plus the abuse a vehicle recieves during launch and re-entry is staggering. The shuttle is a very, very complex machine that uses technology that was state-of-the-art in the '70s. Rather than being easier to launch, recover, and refit than Apollo capsules it has proven to be just the opposite. It costs somewhere in the vicinity of $30 million per ton of cargo, compared with $3-5 million for more traditional boosters, and takes months of refit time to make flight-ready again. And she is only good for low Earth orbit (LEO). The shuttle was never designed to get to the Moon. Once the ISS is complete, NASA plans to retire the program, but a true successor has yet to surface.

There are two contenders in the race to build the next manned transport system. Not surprisingly they are Lockheed Martin, and Boeing. I'm rather partial to Lockheed Martin, since they make the C-130 Hercules, which is the aircraft I worked on in the Air Force, and they are also the only ones showing what they are working on. This URL http://www.lockheedmartin.com/wms/findPage.do?dsp=fec&ci=16745&rsbci=0&fti=0&ti=0&sc=400 is to their website detailing the CEV(Crew Exploration Vehicle) system. It seems to be a hybrid of shuttle technology, and more traditional multi-stage rocketry. The CEV is launched atop a booster like an Apollo capsule, so all of the propulsion and fuel components are below the spacecraft. Crap can fall off forever and never endanger the crew. Once in LEO the boosters fall away and the CEV links up with whatever mission specific modules have been lifted previously into orbit by cheaper boosters. These can range from simple scientific and repair missions, to boosters and habitation modules designed for lunar or martian sojourns. While the CEV looks like a glider, it returns to Earth using parachutes, and most likely lands in the ocean. I like this system a lot. It maintains a level of reuse, without making the system so complex that it is as unwieldy as the shuttle. Boeing is playing their cards close to the vest, saying only that their system is also more akin to Apollo. We'll see what happens, since the shuttle fleet is scheduled to be decomissioned in 2010.

I have always loved the shuttle program, and watching a launch in person is one of the greatest thrills I have ever experienced, but as with many relationships the time has come to say goodbye. Atlantis, Challenger, Columbia, Discovery, Endeavour, and of course Enterprise have served their country, and planet well and safely (2 losses out of 114 launches is pretty damn good). They have carved their names indellibly on the atmosphere of this globe, but it's time to let them go, and move ahead.

Look Who Came To Dinner

Surprise Visitor

Who knew that the Sith owned a time share in St. Pete?

Space, the final frontier...

Discovery seems to have the dubious honor of being the first shuttle launched after a major disaster. She was the first one to fly after Challenger, and now she has done her phoenix impression post Columbia. I tried to watch the launch from the roof of my theatre today, but it was too cloudy to see.

Now those of you who know me know that I love everything about space exploration. I remember watching the Apollo missions; my 5 year old brain barely comprehending what was happening, but understanding it was something important. I remember Skylab going up, and coming down. I saved the newspaper from the very first Shuttle launch (Columbia's first mission), and I remember exactly what I was doing when the Challenger blew. I grew up watching Star Trek, Lost In Space, The Thunderbirds, and just about any other show that dealt with space, and if it weren't for a terrible aptitude for math, I would probably have gone into aviation with the hopes of becoming an astronaut. So this may seem strange coming from me, but I think it's time for NASA to shut down.

Now before you get all hufffy, hear me out. The fact that it took two and a half years to get back to the launch pad after Columbia is indicative of the inertia experienced by any government project. It used to be that governments were the only ones with the financial wherewithal to fund a space program, but every year Congress whittles a little more away from NASA's budget, and the pundits constantly bicker about whether we should be spending tax dollars to send man into space. It's so dangerous, they'll argue, so why not send robots. And we do send a lot of robots. But pushing the frontiers of human knowledge back has always been a risky venture, and often the greatest strides come from commercial interest. Space exploration will never boom unless and until it becomes profitable to do so. That's why I imagine that in the future Neil Armstrong's name will stand along with Burt Rutan, and Richard Branson in the annals of space history. Rutan designed and flew Spaceship One, the first private vehicle to fly safely to the edge of space and back twice in two months. He has teamed with eccentric billionaire Branson to lay the groundwork for space tourism...and that's where the real future of space flight lies. People will pay dearly for something that entertains them, even if they will decry it as frivolous the whole time. Imagine how much money the Disney company makes with its 11 theme parks, and movie and television studios. Now imagine if they put those resources toward say creating Disney World: Sea of Tranquility. If Branson succeeds with his Virgin: Galactic venture there will be a boom in space tourism companies which might even get the prices down to where ordinary schmucks like me could afford a once-in-a-lifetime trip to orbit in my lifetime. Right now it can cost ten's of thousands of dollars per pound of payload to get into orbit, but with numerous designs for reusable SSO (single stage to orbit) spacecraft being proposed, and a possible attempt at a space elevator sometime this century, space travel could get very crowded. I'm excited to be alive at this point in history, but I think that unless NASA does a radical paradigm shift soon, they and their rapidly aging fleet of orbiters will be left in the cosmic dust.

But all that aside, congratulations to Discovery and her crew. Godspeed.

Marius

Ok, so it's not PhotoShop, but it's the best I could do with the software I have. :-) 

Photo Experiment #1

Our Triumphant Return to Florida

Hiya, Folks!
Well, as you can see we've been doing some remodeling here at The Corner. I'm also starting to play with posting pictures and such, although this one was supposed to go into my profile, but what the hey, HTML is a strange creature, and I'm still a novice at it's intricacies. Anyhoo, the above photo was taken at the first Florida rest stop on I-10. I know, not very exciting, but give me some time and I'm sure I'll have lots of Godzilla vs. an Imperial Star Destroyer pics up soon. ;-)

Love and kisses,
Marius

Put The Cell-Phone Down, Mr. President

Ok, I'm mad again. Last night, in an attempt to lighten my mood after hearing of the demise of James Doohan, my wife and I went to see Charlie and The Chocolate Factory. It was cute, and Johnny Depp is amazing, and I thoroughly enjoyed the film. I do, however, have one small, tiny, itsy-bitsy little complaint:

UNLESS YOU ARE A DOCTOR, OR THE PRESIDENT OF THE FREAKING USA TURN YOUR GOD-DAMNED CELL PHONE OFF DURING A FUCKING MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I cannot imagine how we survived going for up to two whole hours without being reachable in the past. One nymphette next to me had her cell go off, and at first I was heartened to hear her embarrased statement 'I thought I had turned it off.' But then she ANSWERED the damn thing! Another guy held a walkie-talkie conversation, complete with the very loud beep every time he spoke. Unless you are an expectant father, in which case you should be at the hospital and not in the movie theater, or a doctor on call, the world will continue to turn without you for a couple of hours. And if your over-inflated sense of self worth is that fragile that you must have others confirm your existence every ten minutes or so, sit in the back row and text message your heart out. Or better yet, just stay the fuck home!

Love and kisses,
Marius

The Final Beam-out

In October of 1991 I was at Lackland Air Force Base in San Antonio, Texas. I was on a special assignment with Air Force Entertainment working with volunteers from all over the country. Every morning we gathered in the parking lot of the dorms in which we were staying to catch the shuttle to our work place. The 24th of that month seemed no different to me, until one of my colleagues arrived with USA Today in hand and blurted out with a laugh, "Hey, Gene Roddenberry croaked!" I felt like I had been punched in the gut. I had been unaware that Gene had been ill for quite some time, besides our heroes are supposed to be immortal, right? Some of the others, who knew how big a fan I was took the guy aside and asked him to let it go, and to his credit he did. Eventually I began to wonder how I could mourn so deeply someone I had never even met. I never answered that question, and today I am forced to ask it again.

James Doohan died today. He was 86, and suffering from Alzheimer's, so it actually is a blessing, but I am sad nonetheless. I won't rehash what Star Trek means to me, but I will point out that Doohan was the spine of the show. Without Scotty, the Enterprise would not have been half the ship she was.

Everyone, even people who never watched the show, knows what 'Scotty, beam me up' means. But what do we know about the man behind the character. He was Canadian, not Scottish. He was wounded during the D-Day invasion of Normandy, and was missing a finger on his right hand. He's most famous for playing Lt. Commander Montgomery Scott on the original Star Trek, but he was also the voice of Sargon, the M-5 Computer, and Trelane's Father. He not only played himself and Lt. Arex on the short lived animated Star Trek series, but also used his voice talents to bring so many other characters to life on that show that I could not list them all. How many of you remember him as Commander Canarvin on the truly lame Saturday morning show Jason of Star Command? He also did guest appearances on Duckman, Macgyver, Magnum P.I., Fantasy Island, and appeared twice on Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. He was a staple of television in the 60's, rivaled only by DeForest Kelly on number of westerns and other dramatic appearances.

I never met the man, but a few of my friends have. He was reportedly a friendly, patient man who never refused an autograph. He was also one of the most outspoken Shatner bashers, which makes his on-screen affection for Capt. Kirk that much more impressive. And while there were some serious plot problems, his appearance on Star Trek: The Next Generation was one of the highest high points of that series.

Today I am sad. There will, undoubtedly, be thousands if not millions of blogs eulogizing Mr. Doohan, and I earnestly hope that his family see some of them and know that he made a difference in the lives of so many. I am sure that despite our tendencies to deify our heroes, James Doohan was just a man doing a job, but he did that job with skill, grace, and excellence, and I am glad to have benefited from his generosity of spirit.

I will end this with an image I have that makes me smile. I am picturing Gene Roddenberry, DeForest Kelly, Mark Leonard, Matt Jeffries and James Doohan sitting in a heavenly casino, playing poker, and laughing together as the waitress, in a classic Bill Theiss creation, brings them each a bottle of Saurian Brandy, and a tribble.

Good bye, Scotty, and may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

Marius

Symbols and Such

Greetings,

I have been having a bit of trouble coming up with something to blog about since I had a pretty nice weekend, and I'm not particularly angry about anything right now. We went to visit my sister, my wife and I attended a wonderful SCA(medieval recreationist stuff) event, I finally heard from my two favorite students, and we actually made some progress on the apartment. Yesterday, though, I saw something that got me thinking. (yes, I know. that can be dangerous) I saw a bumper sticker on a huge pick-up truck that had two Confederate flags, and between them read 'find out the truth before you judge'(or words to that effect). That made me pause. I do try to question my own beliefs from time to time, or when presented with an unexpected viewpoint I will attempt to see things from that angle, so I started wondering if perhaps I needed more information about the realities of what the Confederate flag represents. I planned to get on-line and do some research when something occurred to me. Symbolism is not rooted in rationality or research. It lives deep in the mind, in that same place where there are monsters under the bed, and angels over our pillows.

Symbols are the shorthand for our visceral reactions. I would imagine that the parts of our brains that respond to symbols are among the oldest; carrying instincts from pre-language humanity, when a picture (or eviscerated buffalo carcass) was literally worth a thousand words. It doesn't matter that there were many black people who fought for the South in the civil war, all that matters is that today the rebel 'stars and bars' stirs instinctive anger in some, instinctive patriotism in others. The true history of the symbol, while surely important, is rendered irrelevant by our emotions. And if you feel that I am in error about this, and I certainly welcome comments, let me put forth another example. The swastika has been around for centuries. It was used in countless forms by cultures as diverse as the Navaho, Hindu, and Bhuddists. But a little over 60 years or so ago a charismatic madman took this ancient symbol and forever tarnished it with blood. Perhaps, in time, Hitler will become a minor footnote in human history, but for now the swastika, with all of its positive cultural ancestry, is instantly recognized as representing hatred, and horror, and fear.

So what's my point? To be honest I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps I want to encourage people to question their deepest beliefs. Maybe I want people to be more understanding when others disagree vehemently about those beliefs. Maybe I'm just killing time before going to work. We just don't know. ;-)

Peace out.
Marius

Help for the Creationists

Hi folks. It's public service time here at the Corner. Recently conservative Christians have been trying to do their civic duty to make sure that high school text books reflect a fair and balanced view of society, and to that end they are insisting that evolution, which is only a theory, be placed next to creationism to allow students a broader picture of the universe. To that end I have done some research to help them to further that goal by supplying some creation stories from some other religions.

The Hopi indians believe that Tawa (the sun god) and Spider Woman (the Earth goddess) divided themselves to create the other gods, then sang a magical song to create the Earth. Then they made clay figures of animals and people, and worked mighty magic to give them life. Students could try building their own animals and/or people out of Play-Doh(tm) and then try to sing them to life.

According to the Huron indians, a divine woman fell from a tear in the sky. Two loons, recognizing her divinity, caught her and called for help, for there was only water below. Snapping Turtle commanded all animals to dive deep and bring up some Earth. Many tried, but only Toad succeeded, and the woman took the Earth and packed it around Turtle's shell, where then grew the Earth, which still resides on Turtle's back. Students could be assigned to study sattelite imagery to try and locate Turtle's mouth, and devise lettuce launch strategies, since he must be hungry by now.

A primary Hindu creation Veda tells us that Purusha- the being beyond all beings- selflessly created the universe out of himself. His body is the castes of India; his mind the moon, his eye is the sun. The Sorm god Indra, and the fire god Agni came from his mouth, as does the wind. His head is Heaven, and his feet are the Earth. His navel is the atmosphere. Have your students plot out a plan to create a giant Tic-Tac and toss it down the holy throat for as much as to make the wind minty fresh.

There are far more stories out there, but this should get them started. Now I'm off to show how that pesky atomic theory, being just a theory, is misleading. Everyone knows that lightning is really Thor playing Lawn Darts with Loki.

Why?

Why do they hate us? That always seems to be the question when the Muslim extremists strike. Is it because even our poorest people can still get a car and 2000db stereo system? Is it because we are considered to be arrogant, rude, lazy, morally deficient rubes who treat this planet like our own personal playground/cess pool? Is it because our presidents tend to be loud-mouthed frat boys who posture and preen all the while being told what to say from just off stage? Is it because we are (currently) the only superpower so they must strike us at our few vulnerable spots; namely civillians? Did they bomb London for the same reason that mobsters in movies capture Mel Gibson's children: 'we won't hurt you, but we will hurt your family', since the British, with the exception of that little incident in the late 1700's, have always been part of our extended family? And the biggest question, in my mind anyway, is what do they hope to accomplish? I think I might have an idea on that one.

These people aren't terrorists. They're revengists. They can't all be idiots, and only an idiot would believe that car bombs and explosives belts will change governments. Terrorism has never succeeded, and never will, since it's primary effect is to further entrench those being attacked. I don't believe that the 'terrorists' hope to change anything. They are just angry, disaffected, ignorant zealots who have been convinced that the only way to heaven is to take out a handful of infidels in a blaze of C-4. The bombers are victims as much as the casualties. The real villians, as increasingly seems to be the case in many negative situations[such as at a certain Louisiana school] are the relatively few 'holy' men who are spewing this billious rhetoric, and convincing these poor schmucks to give themselves a nitro enema and two-step into a restaurant to get a take-out order for Allah. Our military forces can kill all the insurgents they want, but until the heads of the hydra are cut off this battle will continue ad infinitum. I'm sure the real military commanders know that, but I'm not so sure that the civillian officials over them get it. W seems honestly perplexed that the American people are losing faith in the war. I'm sure he gets a daily body count, and sees that there are more turbans than kevlar helmets on the tally sheet, and thinks, "Yippee Kai Yai Yay, Mother-F**ers!" And one of the most evil (in my opinion, of course) men in the world today, Dick Cheney, actually had the audacity to suggest that the insurgency in winding down. I won't dwell on that, since Gary Trudeau and Jon Stewart have already done so with much greater finesse than I could, but it seems that the people who led us into this war truly believe that we are winning.

I don't have a solution to suggest, but I do have a plea to Donald Rumsfeld, Dick Cheney, and most especially to George W. Bush. Let the people who know how to fight a war do their jobs; give them all the support they require to get it done and get us out of there, but let them make the decisions. You three have proven over the last two years that you couldn't strategize your way out of a game of capture the flag, let alone deal with a situation as complex as Iraq. And please, please realize that just because you say something on camera, or have someone put it on a banner on an aircraft carrier, that doesn't make it true.

Peace out,
Marius

Aliens, Atrocities, and Comets

Greetings, Gentle Readers,

My wife and I have just returned from a very relaxing weekend back in the old stomping grounds, and I would like to share some musings with you.

Firstly, we saw The War of the Worlds last night, and despite my lack of understanding of what is so great about Tom Cruise(although he at least played a character in this film), it was a really good movie. While the eggs Spielberg lays aren't always golden, (three words: The Lost World :-p ) this one hit the mark beautifully. I am a big fan of both the H.G. Wells novel, and the 1953 movie, and this version is a worthy addition. He tweaked, and updated the story a little bit, but the basic premise; aliens have come to wipe the Earth clean and set up housekeeping is terrifyingly presented in all its CGI glory. My recommendation is to see it at a good theatre, with state-of-the-art sound. The audio aspect of the tripods was never really captured in the first movie, but if you thought the T-Rex roar from Jurassic Park was bone-rattling, you ain't heard nothing yet. I don't think the academy will be all over this one, but I'm predicting at least a nomination for sound effects and sound editing. At first the addition of Dakota Fanning seemed a needless pandering to demographics, but I have to go back to Carrie Henn as "Newt" in Aliens to find as good a performance by a young girl in such a film. I only hope that Dakota has a good therapist.

Secondly, the impending G8 summit. I heard a bit of a report on the attempt to get most, if not all of Africa's debts forgiven. The reasoning was that most of the debts were incurred by corrupt governments who used foreign aid to further their own fortunes rather than help their people. Now, I am by no means an economist, and I truly feel for the victims of this political avarice, but two things come to mind. 1. If the debt of every nation on the African continent were erased in one fell swoop, what would that do to the economies of the nations owed? 2. At what point is the population of a country responsible for the misdeed of its leaders?

I don't know the answer to the first question, and I earnestly invite commentary. On the second point, however, I have a strong opinion, and one that is fitting given the date. 239 years ago a group of men decided that the ruling body for their country was no longer suiting their needs, so they made a decision, wrote a declaration, and fought back. Now I'm not pretending it was easy, or that the revolutionaries worked alone; the American Revoulution could be viewed as the real first world war (yes, I know that most of the other countries helping us were working as mercenaries or consultants, but they were involved.) Nor am I ignoring how bloody the war got. What I am saying is that there comes a time when a nation must take responsibility for its leaders. I know that modern despots have technological ways to stay in power, but they can also be overthrown, like Causcescu. Most peoples cower and snivel and wait for the UN to unleash the Sword of American Justice upon their unjust and evil rulers. Unfortunately we've now tried that a couple of times, and we have learned what many cops have. When you step into a domestic disturbance, people who ignored the initial fight get instantly polarized against the invading bringer of order, and things get very messy, very quickly, and it isn't long before someone gets a tazer to the sack.

I used this argument before we invaded Iraq, and I stand by it. If a nation asks for our help, or more specifically the UN's help (although it sort of ends up being mostly us anyway) then by all means let us join the fight against tyrrany. But, as in Iraq, if the people are oppressed, but complacent, why does it become our job to fight their war? And to bring this full circle, why do we only pick places to 'liberate' in the Middle East? There are regimes in Africa that make Saddam's atrocities seem like schoolyard bullying, but we aren't flattening Rwanda or Angola in the name of freedom. When the Hutu were trying to carve the Tutsi tribe off the face of the Earth in 1994 there was lots of news coverage, but no push to invade and 'liberate' the Tutsis, and the world was begging us to do something. {note that this is a blanket criticism of our government in general. Clinton was pres. during the Rwandan genocide.} I know that the current regime...excuse me...administration gets all huffy when they hear the phrase 'no blood for oil', but it becomes increasingly clear that the US government is only interested in conflicts where there is something to gain. Now listen closesly here: I don't have a problem with that. If Bush had said that we were going into Iraq to liberate the natural resources from a madman who's policies are keeping them from the rest of the world I'd have been stunned, but I'd have been unable to argue. To couch the reasons behind bogus philanthropy is hypocrisy at its highest, and an insult to all who have died unjustly in countries with no valuable resources.

My final point is a hat's off to NASA. The Deep Impact probe performed perfectly. Yesterday an 800 lb. probe smashed into comet Tempel 1 sending out a spectacular plume of gas and debris. The photos are amazing: http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/deepimpact/main/index.html?skipIntro=1

It is our first close encounter with a comet, and will hopefully answer some long-held questions about the origins of the Solar system.

Ok, folks. I've given you a lot to think about. Do your own work, no cheating. Put down your pencils and raise your hand when you are done. ;-)

Marius

And Now...A Fart Joke

A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas and really needs to releive some pressure. Luckly, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it. He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there." The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down. This goes on for a couple more farts. Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he shits on you."


Thank you.

Marius

G 8 Summit and On-line Petitions

Greetings, Faithful Readers,

Today I received a bit of feedback asking my opinion on the upcoming G8 Summit. I usually only casually skirt the edges of politics here at The Corner, not because I have no political opinions (those of you who know me can attest to that), but because I don't want to post rumors or inaccuracies. So to do a truly political comment would require homework, and I usually don't feel like doing homework. (I'm a teacher, dammit. I give others homework) ;-) But, be that as it may, I have spent some time reading transcripts of the foreign misiter's meeting that occurred in London last Thursday. It read more like a UN meeting, but they touched on most of the major hot points in the world. I'll list a few here:

1. The need to maintain the economic infrastructure of Gaza after the proposed Israeli pull-out.

2. Iran's nuclear program, and the need to keep it from becoming a weapons program. They also expressed concern about Iran's human rights and freedom violations.

3. Kosovo's efforts toward stabilization. There was talk of Kosovo turning over the remaining indictees from the Srebrenica massacre of a decade ago to The Hague.

4. UN reforms were discussed in light of recent administrative impropriety. Some of the measures mentioned were the "establishment of a Peacebuilding Commission to assist countries emerging from conflict", and "the need for an enlarged and more representative Security Council that was able to address effectively the challenges of the 21st Century".
5. Concerns over conventional weapons proliferation in unstable regions, and a UK proposed arms trade treaty.

6. Darfur was discussed in detail, with the hope that, with assistance, the African Union Mission would be able to get the situation under control.

7. North Korea must return to the 6 point negotiations. And Kim Jong Il must relinquish his ability to transform into a giant, heavily armed robot fighting machine. (what, you expected me to stay totally serious?)

8. People in Iraq should just keep on keeping on.

9. Syria needs to keep its fingers out of Lebanon.

10. The government of Zimbabwe needs to make things all better there.

11. Haiti's a mess, and we all need to pitch in to fix it.

That about sums it up. I'm not sure what it all means, but we have seen politicians in the past who are very good at saying what must happen, but not so hot on how it will happen. The summit itself is next week, and I will keep an eye on what goes down and give my opinion after.

Now, as for the agenda of the person who asked me to look into this. They sent me a link to a web site dedicated to sending a message to President Bush through a form you can sign. If you want to check it out, the url is:

http://www.one.org/

Ok, some of you have heard me say this before, but now I'll put it here on the blogosphere. On line petitions are an easy, relatively anonymous way to get your voice out there, but they carry very little weight in Washington. There are two things that motivate our elected officials: money and votes. A better way to get your voice heard is 1) register to vote, and 2) contact your senators and congresspersons. Here are links to do just that.

http://www.senate.gov/

http://www.house.gov/writerep/

Direct e-mails carry much more weight, and good old-fashioned paper letters even more so. Now I'm not saying that on-line petitions don't have any effect, but when the current administration was planning to invade Iraq, and hundreds of thousands of people gathered in protest, they acted like it never happened. How much more easily can they hit their delete key?

Tomorrow: More fart jokes!

Politically yours,
Marius

This Totally Rocks!!

By Thor's never empty beer fridge! I feel like a pre-historic hunter/gatherer who has just been given a submachine gun. A month ago we got a new computer. Nothing fancy, but it has a processor that runs in the gigahertz range, with a huge 60 gig. hard drive. Trying to save a bit of green I didn't get a monitor since I already had one. Alas, my poor old monitor was just too dumb for the new computer, and no matter how slowly I made it talk, the antique CRT just wouldn't listen. So there the new computer sat, silent as HAL after he proposed to Daisey, awaiting payday.

Friday was the day. Staples had a sale, and I bought a monitor. This morning I hooked it up. We also signed up for DSL. Today I am WIRED!!!!(there should be a triumphant fanfare here) I never realized how pokey my 6 year old machine was until today. I can download programs in minutes, or even seconds, instead of hours. I can watch streaming video. I can even, dare I say it, download music. Oh sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you! (if you don't know the tune to this, rent Young Frankenstein) And best of all, the phone works when I'm on-line, so when my wife is spending the whole day reading Harry Potter fanfic I can actually get in touch with her.

Now, of course, I can further my internet addiction. If any of you have had this experience you'll understand. Last October my power supply fried, and took most of the computer's innards with it. I was without a computer for nearly two months. At first I didn't consider it a problem, but it soon became painfully obvious just how accustomed I had become to being able to instantly answer any question. To suddenly lose that was jarring. And the fact that it was jarring was even more jarring. I got jar-jarred. (sorry, couldn't resist)

So here I am with an even faster connection, and a machine that can handle it. I don't know if it's right or wrong, but if it's wrong, then I don't want to be right.

Your speedy correspondent,
Marius

and just for the sake of my marriage, I haven't even considered the porn capacity of this new set-up. ;-)

LIghts, Camera, Blog!

Hi Folks, remember me?

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I spent an hour Saturday morning writing a review of Batman Begins, which included some marvelous word play, and brilliant cinematic insight, but when I hit the post button my computer decided to crash. I'm only just getting over it. [well, ok, at least the part about spending an hour writing it, and the computer crashing is true. ;-)]

Anyway, I am going to regale you now with some opinions of the movies we have recently seen. Two at the theater, and three at home. So, without further ado:

Batman Begins

More than two decades ago, Tim Burton (the second wierdest person in the US) made what many, including yours truly, thought of as the definitive Batman film. It was dark, edgy, and well written. It sold well enough to spawn several sequals, each one getting stupider, and flashier. Finally Joel Schumacher made Batman and Robin, the silliest, stupidest film yet. The Batman franchise imploded in a rubber-nippled (except for Batgirl, I might add) puff of homo-erotic irrelevency, punctuated by nauseating editing, vertiginous camera work, and a longing for the Wonder Twins to lend the film some gravitas. When the day-glo dust settled it was clear, and somewhat comforting, that there would be no more Batman films.
Then, a few months ago, the buzz began that there would be a new Batman film. One that would go back to the beginning and show just how Bruce Wayne became The Batman. I held my breath, and dared to hope. And I wasn't disappointed. Batman Begins does not redefine the genre, nor does it push the envelope of special effects, but it does one thing very well...it entertains. I had a blast watching this movie. Christian Bale does a servicable job as the Dark Knight, mixing equal parts method angst with Saturday morning cartoon camp. Micheal Cain was born to play Alfred, and Liam Neeson...well I don't want to spoil the surprise, but at least he finally makes it to the end of a film. And the Batmobile is finally what it was supposed to be all along, a freaking tank! So wait for a matinee, buy the biggest tub of popcorn you can carry, and go have a great time at the movies for a change.

The other film we saw at the theater was Madagascar. It was cute. The animation was well done, and the story didn't quite conform to the 'be careful what you wish for' mold it seemed to be heading toward. The high point, and reason why this movie should at least be on your rental list, is the penguins. They kick ass!! If you have ever wanted to see a mega-freighter hijacked by an elite squad of Special Forces penguins, this is your film. There is one scene that might be a bit much for the younger kids, but overall a good family pic.

In the rental category, I'll begin with Team USA. Parker and Stone are absolutely insane, and I haven't laughed so hard since the South Park movie. They attack everyone from Arab and Russian terrorists, to the hyper-liberal Film Actors Guild (F.A.G.) with equal venom. And the puppet sex scene, which had to be cut down to avoid an NC-17 rating, is as erotic as watching Barbie and Ken do it. (the MPAA really needs a sense of humor transplant) If, like me, you grew up watching The Thunderbirds, and you enjoy South Park, you'll love this movie. A word of warning, though. This one should only be watched when the children are very, very asleep. ;-)

The last two flicks we rented were National Treasure, and Cursed. Both were entertaining, and ultimately inconsequential. Nicholas Cage does his usual excellent job as a man searching for clues to a treasure that has consumed his family for generations. It's a Disney film, so the bad guys are menacing, but lousy shots, and the intrigue never really rises to the level of stressful, but it's a fun ride.
Cursed is Wes Craven's latest. It's a werewolf movie starring Christina Ricci. She has grown to be quite the actor, but her talents are wasted in this one. It's pretty standard fare: a girl and her brother are attacked by a large, scary animal, then they spend the rest of the film trying to figure out 'what's happening to me?' There aren't any surprises, except maybe the fact that Rick Baker is using CGI now, which I found a bit disappointing. It's odd to say this, but the most unbelievable part of this whole movie is a kiss at the end. (nerd-boy brother gets the girl, but in a very contrived way) Again, if you feel like a pitcher of margaritas and a good-bad B movie night, this is a worthy rental.

Ok, time to go to work. The next flick on my radar is The War of the Worlds. I'm not a huge Tom Cruise fan, but I am a huge H.G. Wells fan, so we'll see how it goes.

TTFN,
Marius

I Haven't Forgotten You

Greetings, Faithful Readers,

Pray forgive your tardy blogger. The new job is keeping me quite busy. The theatres were cared for by a gentleman who did so as a side job, so while things are better than they could have been, they are still quite a mess. He kept things functioning, but had no time to do any real, in-depth cleaning or organizing. I finally got a shop-vac yesterday (please, hold your applause) so the crap removal has shifted into high gear. I realize that this is extremely exciting news, so I'm glad I could share it with you today. ;-)

Another reason I have been so quiet of late is that, until I get paid next week, we are too broke to do anything but sit at home and watch the tube. There are all kinds of groovy things to do here, but most of it costs. For example, there are two IMAX theatres here, and at least one of them will be showing Batman Begins. We also live within walking distance of Busch Gardens. In fact I like to watch the roller coasters on my way to work. Ybor City, where I work, is full of groovy stores, great restaurants, and rock clubs(Kayce and Erin, you guys will love it when you come to visit). And we haven't even begun to explore Tampa itself. So as we get out more, I will report more.

Adieu, for now. :-)
Marius

Ummmm...hello.

Greetings, Gentle Readers,

Well, you may have noticed that not much is happening here at The Corner. That's because your friendly, neighborhood Marius is going through something of a reverse culture shock. The denizens of this sprawling metropolis consider Tampa to be a medium sized city, but after three years in Pineville I feel like a goldfish suddenly released into the ocean. (yes, I know that fresh water fish wouldn't survive in the ocean. don't take the simile too far) Anyway, amongst the sensory overload not much has happened. I'm settling in to my new job, and trying to sort out everyone's feelings about me being there. Some folks are obviously thrilled to have a professional technical director on board, but others definitely harbor some resentment that the guy who was doing the job has been replaced. To their credit the ones who disapprove haven't shown it directly to me, and some have even admitted that the man I am replacing wasn't the best at interpersonal relations, so hopefully I'll be able to win them over eventually. I had a long talk with him on my second day, and for someone who took care of the theatres as a side job, he did so remarkably well. We disagree on some basic points, such as the benefits of having a 30+ year-old lighting system and the use of students to run the rentals(he wouldn't), but those are relatively minor issues. There are some equipment and facility problems, and some potentially serious safety issues, but all in all the spaces, while antiquated, are all quite functional.

As for the apartment, well it's coming along slowly. My wife has been ill this week, so she hasn't been up to doing much unpacking. But, as we are effectively broke until payday, guess what we'll be doing this weekend. ;-)

All right. This has been a pretty dull post so far, so I'm going to have another cup of coffee and go watch some cartoons.

Love and kisses,
Marius

Technology Rocks!

We here at The Corner have recently acquired a device that, were it made mandatory in every household, could end most domestic strife. I am referring to the Digital Video Recorder. We have digital cable here in our new digs, and I wasn't terribly impressed until last night. The box has a built in DVR, and while watching a stand-up comedian my wife came into the room, and as women are wont to do, started talking to me. (now before you get all pissy, ladies, I'm not making a character judgment. It is simply true that most women don't think twice about conversing while the tv is on. I watched my wife and mother-in-law do it to each other quite a bit over the last three weeks.) My wife, however, has the uncanny ability to speak at exactly the right moment to obliterate either a punch line or very relevant plot point. But, since I am a child of the 'Mars/Venus' era, I have learned to be tolerant of such interruptions, though they bug me no end. So, true to form, my wife spake unto me right as the punch line was delivered. As usual I gave her my attention, then returned to watching, while trying to extrapolate what the missing words were. Then, in an epiphany worthy of a Terry Gilliam animated segue I remembered those commercials...'you can even rewind or pause live tv!' I grabbed the remote, found the rewind button, held my breath, and pressed it. Lo and behold the comedian froze in mid-joke, then proceeded to wander backward about the stage. I pressed play, and heard the missing punch line! And there was a loud Hosanna!! As God is my witness, I'll never miss an important line again!!!!!!

Now, I wonder if I can get the thing to filter out those obnoxious Enzyte commercials. I'll keep you posted.

Yours in Domestic Bliss,
Marius

The Better Part of Valor, and other Crap

Morning, Gentle Readers,

Well, I was going to post a moment-by-moment chronicle of the move, but that would just depress all of you, and piss me off anew, so I'll nutshell it and then move on. We learned several lessons on this journey:

1. When you rent a truck on-line, make sure you find out which dimensions are which. The truck was listed as being 15'X6'2"x7'4". I had assumed the 7'4" was the height. I was wrong. (getting tall furniture into the truck was something of an adventure)

2. Allow an extra day for your travel. If you can't get your truck over 60mph without it wanting to flip over, it slows your progress immensely.

3. Find out when the office at your new apartment closes, and make sure that you can get in after they go home.(we couldn't and we got to spend an extra night in a hotel less than a mile from the apartment)

4. If you can at all avoid it, don't move into a place without seeing it yourself. My mother-in-law did her best to evaluate this place, but if I had seen it myself I wouldn't have chosen this one.(Em likes it, though. So I'm doing my best to attribute my uneasiness to exhaustion and aggravation from the move.)

Ok, that's enough bitching. Let's talk about something else. The other day I read a letter in TV Guide from a mother who was complaining that the new Star Wars movie wasn't child friendly, and how could George Lucas do that to her. I just want to say to that woman...Bite me!!! The last two movies were worthy of the freaking Power Rangers, so he finally did one that we adult fans of the movies could enjoy. Get over it. I am so sick of parents who think the whole world should be child-proof and sanitized. I grew up playing on asphalt playgrounds, using toys with small parts, and potentially toxic plastics. I watched Johnny Quest, The Adventures of Superman, The Six Million Dollar Man, and other violent tv shows. I ate Cap'n Crunch, and Sugar Pops, and other non-healthy cereals, and I survived fairly well, thank you. I never even owned a bicycle helmet until I was in my 30's! I'm not a sociopath, or sickly, or (no comments, please) even slightly deranged. Get over it, parents. We are raising a generation of wimps, full of fear and self-loathing if they dare to enjoy sugar. And interwoven amongst all this parental angst is a culture of declining parental responsibility. I don't go to movies very often, because I know that my 7 year old won't sit still for it, and will disturb the other movie goers. I don't use the tv as a babysitter, nor do I expect her to use any character on the boob tube as a role model. I don't care what comes out of Hollywood, or Burbank, because I know what she is watching, and I make sure it's appropriate or I, and this is the radical part here, turn it off.

Oops. I guess I didn't really stop bitching, did I. Oh well. I have more boxes to unpack. Talk amongst yourselves.

Love and kisses,
Marius

I'm Baaaack!

Hey Y'all, and welcome from Tampa!

The moving ordeal, at least the sweaty, carrying heavy boxes up stairs part is over. Now the unpacking part begins in earnest. I'll chronical the whole saga soon, but I must go and help with the placement of our crap. Tune in tomorrow for more in-depth coverage. :-)

Marius the Exhausted