Monday, August 29, 2005

The List

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you...the list.

Last night I mentioned 'the list' to my wife while expressing a somewhat carnal appreciation of a female celebrity. My wife riposted with, 'I'd like to see this list someday'. Her tone was one of slightly forced humor, coupled with some bemusement as I had just added a cartoon character to my list.(more on that later, as I'm still trying to figure it out myself) For those of you unfamiliar with The List, it's a mainly male thing, although more and more women are fessing up to having one. The List consists of the names of celebrities that, should some miracle occur the likes of which hasn't been seen on this Earth since bearded guys with sticks clove major bodies of water in twain and you get the chance to spend a night of sweaty passion with them, there is no marital penalty incurred. Of course, some guys try to cheat and put the hot waitperson at Bennigan's on their list, but unattainability is the chief criterion for The List. The circumstances surrounding the tryst have to be so improbable that your significant other would have no choice but to say, 'I'd have done the same thing.' No harm, no foul.

So, without further ado, I give you my list. In no particular order.

Angelina Jolie
Sandra Bullock
Liz Phair
Janeane Garofolo(sexy brain)
Heather Graham
Raven(the cartoon character)(very hot demon's daughter superhero)
Jessica Simpson(she just can't talk)
Hugh Jackman

Ok, now it's your turn. And don't be shy, ladies. You often say men don't understand you, well your list might just might point that clueless guy in the right direction.

8 comments:

Davo said...

Rob and I have "The List" also. Here are my current fantasies, in no particular order.
Jennifer Connelly
Grace Park
Liv Tyler
Halle Berry
Jessica Alba
Keira Knightly
Kate Beckinsale

Marius, Wolverine? really? I mean, Hugh is a good looking man, but I still can't bring myself to consider another mans hairy ass attractive. Oh well, so much for my open mindedness...

Marius said...

I just wanted to see what sort of reactions I'd get. ;-)

Jeff said...

The irresistible hypnotic that is my manliness precludes any sort of so called "unatainability". Curse my beauty!

Off the top of my head:
Mira Sorvino
Salma Hayek
Angelina Jolie
Lucy Liu
Elisabeth Shue
Phoebe Cates

The preceding contents contain no fact either real or implied. The author will disavow all claims to the contrary, and bear no responsibilty, legal or emotional, should the author's spouse be appraised of the aforementioned content.

Anonymous said...

Okay, here's a female's list...

1. Tim Curry RHPS days
2. Sam Rockwell
3. Bono (talent is sexy)
4. The dummer I turned down in 92 in NYC (stupid!!!)
5. Val Kilmer w/ action "Willow" hair
6. Eddie Izzard sans Drag (smart & funny)
7. Sean Connery HFRO w/ hair
8. Jon Stewart (brain+funny=MEOW, besides Jewish men like to please!)
9. LL Cool J (that's one thick MAN)
10. My husband when he was 21

* a note to Marius...the "look" you got from your lovely wife could have been avoided if you had put HER on the list in some fashion (maybe instead of WOLVERINE??) Here's the thing...if a woman truely believes that she is the end all for you, she will gladly do anything for and to you.
Some folks just never learn that lesson.

Darth Fitz said...

Rob Zombie
Val Kilmer - then, now, & forever
Dave Grohl
Christopher Walken
Eddie Izzard - in drag from Dress
to Kill
Frank Black
Edward Norton
Darth Maul
young Jack Nicholson
a young man I once saw in character
in Three Sisters - totally sexy

This by no means is binding & may be changed at my every whim.

Turtle said...

Marius, you've left out an important element of "The List". It should be limited to five names. it is easy to list any celebrity we find attractive, but winnowing it down to a mere five puts thought into the process.

While I am currently unencumbered by a better half, and truly have no need to make a list, as I am free to not obtain anyone, I shall share nonetheless:

Jessica Alba
Katherine Zeta Jones
Scarlett Johansson
Charlize Theron
Famke Janssen

And of course the list may be updated, as whims dictate...

Marius said...

Excellent idea, Senior Tortuga. I shall revise:
Angelina Jolie
Sandra Bullock
Liz Phair
Janeane Garofolo
Salma Hyek(good idea, Rico)

heff said...

Yup, Joe & I have "The List" too. Mine varies from day to day, but always contains:

Harrison Ford
Sean Connery
Richard Dean Anderson

I did ask for a blond guy for my birthday. The girls offered me a school-mate of theirs who, while cute, isn't quite "The List" material. I asked for Anthony Michael Hall instead.

Didn't get him. Damn kids.