Monday, June 30, 2008


It's quiet, and you're relaxing in front of the computer discussing trivia with others on an Internet forum. Suddenly there is the unmistakable sound of plastic bottles toppling into the bathtub. Then there is silence; heavy, pregnant silence. Then...a tiny "mew?"

Dammit, Starbuck!

Feline grace my ass!!!

Finally, An Honest Car Ad

If you are at work, or the kids/parents are in the room, you might want to use headphones for this one. ;-)

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Welcome Back, Monkey!

Following a prolonged journey off-planet, no doubt to save numerous extraterrestrial civilizations from horrific intergalactic peril, The Naughty Monkey had returned to the blogosphere. First the Purple Pigeon returned to the roost, and now our Monkey has come back to us.

And there was much rejoicing!!!


Saturday, June 28, 2008

Join Me And We Will Rule The Universe Together!

Titular Explanation

Some of you may not understand why I use the phrase 'show your ID card to the border guard' to headline a story of incredible stupidity. It is part of the chorus of this song, Banditos, by The Refreshments. Enjoy.

Friday, June 27, 2008

Show Your ID Card To The Border Guard Part III

I am frequently amazed at the escalating levels of stupidity in this country. In Florida, if you've lived here for more than, let's say 30 seconds, you realize that dinosaurs still walk the Earth, or I should say they still float the canals. I'm talking about alligators. Those once-endangered refugees from the linear time flow that are now fairly common in the less developed areas. If you don't live in Florida you may be envisioning some sort of Land of the Lost scenario where we must dash from car to house lest we be set upon and devoured by these fearsome creatures. Nothing could be further from the truth. The alligator is a simple animal, and being exothermic they tend to not use what energy they soak up from the sun unless they have a reasonable expectation of success. In other words the happiest gator is one that just had some hapless critter walk into it's open mouth. That's why they do that whole 'log' shtick. That's why, when you know a canal is 'infested' with alligators, you don't go for a swim at 2am. Seems obvious, right? Not to 18 year old Kasey Edwards. He decided to take a dip in a canal near Lake Okeechobee in the wee small hours of Sunday morning, and provided a tasty snack for an eleven foot long gator: his left arm. He managed to escape the creature by gouging its eyes with his right hand, and friends called 911 quickly enough that he survived. The gator, who did nothing more than what gators do, was caught and killed. Edwards's arm was recovered from the belly of the beast, but could not be reattached. Bad day for both Edwards and the gator. But wait, there's more. This tard not only admitted that he knew that there were over a hundred alligators in that canal, he then went on to blame the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission for not keeping the gator population under control! "It's a problem that needs to be dealt with," Edwards said. "The alligators -- the population needs to be brought down." I have said it on many occasions. 99% of the time that an adult human gets munched by an alligator the human was at fault. And here is a shining example of both stupidity, and a staggering lack of personal responsibility. I really hope that some scumbag lawyer convinces this moron to sue the state. Maybe hearing a judge tell him to STFU will get the message across that he's an idiot. Obviously having his arm torn off didn't do it.

Adios, mis amigos.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

El Listo del Libros

1) Look at the list and bold those you have read.
2) Italicize those you intend to read.
3) Underline the books you LOVE.
4) Reprint this list in your own Blog should you wish.

1 Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
2 The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkien
3 Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4 Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5 To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6 The Bible
7 Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8 Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9 His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10 Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11 Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12 Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13 Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14 Complete Works of Shakespeare
15 Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16 The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17 Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18 Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19 The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20 Middlemarch - George Eliot
21 Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22 The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23 Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24 War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25 The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26 Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27 Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28 Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29 Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30 The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31 Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32 David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33 Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34 Emma - Jane Austen
35 Persuasion - Jane Austen
36 The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37 The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38 Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39 Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40 Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41 Animal Farm - George Orwell
42 The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43 One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44 A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45 The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46 Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47 Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48 The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49 Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50 Atonement - Ian McEwan
51 Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52 Dune - Frank Herbert
53 Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54 Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55 A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56 The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57 A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58 Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59 The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60 Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61 Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62 Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63 The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64 The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65 Count of Monte Cristo - Alexander Dumas
66 On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67 Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68 Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding
69 Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70 Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71 Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72 Dracula - Bram Stoker
73 The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74 Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75 Ulysses - James Joyce
76 The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77 Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78 Germinal - Emile Zola
79 Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80 Possession - AS Byatt
81 A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82 Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83 The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84 The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85 Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86 A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
88 The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89 Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90 The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91 Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92 The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93 The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94 Watership Down - Richard Adams
95 A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96 A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97 The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98 Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99 Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100 Les Miserables - Victor Hugo

Felis Tardus

Why do some cats, specifically Starbuck:Tard-O-The-Apocalypse, find anything thread or string-like irresistible. The dumb ass keeps eating thread off of Mrs. Marius's sewing machine, which is annoying enough, but this morning he blessed me with a butt scoot across the kitchen because apparently the feline digestive system ignores string.


That is all.

Marius The Out-Grossed

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

'Wierd Al' Morissette?

How often do you get to see a 'serious' artist parody themselves?


Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Retard TV

We just watched the first fiveteen minuets of ABC's new show Wipeout. The komershuls made it look like a combinashun of MXC and Merican Gladiaters. Insted it drayned my eye cue away. Eye am trying very hard to think, but itz knot easy. Stay away frum this show, no matter whut. I knead a drink to get my brayne back to wurking good.


Freudian Fail

I found this lovely product at It's definitely worth checking out.

Gummy Fail, Dirty Mind Win
see more pwn and owned pictures

Monday, June 23, 2008

On a Happier Note

Mrs. Marius and I went to see Get Smart today, and we really liked it. I was always a fan of the show as a kid, and this movie is a lovely homage to Don Adams and Barbara Feldon. Steve Carell was, like Ackroyd's Joe Friday, born to play Maxwell Smart, and he does so beautifully. Anne Hathaway is simply gorgeous, and Alan Arkin as the long suffering Chief puts in a good turn as well. I was dreading Dwayne Johnson, but he was good too. There were several laugh out loud moments, and the movie has a good heart. There is no need to brave the multiplex as this will do quite well on the small screen, but if you have an afternoon to kill, and want to spend a pleasant afternoon eating popcorn and watching a fun flick, you could do a lot worse. 6 out of 10.

I think I've told you all that the first rock show I ever saw was Black Sabbath at the Hollywood Sportatorium(don't look for it, it ain't there no mo). And one of the songs that stuck with me that night was called NIB. So tonight my bass teacher taught me the opening to the song. My fingers are numb, and there is part of it I may never do well, but it is so cool making recognizable(if currently slow and ugly) music, and even cooler when it's a song I love so much. If you'd like to hear it played for real, click below:

And now it's bed time. See y'all tomorrow.


Sh*t, P*ss, F*ck!!

Dammit! I'm going to have change the name of this blog to Marius's Celebrity Obituaries at this rate. George Carlin, arguably one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all time, died yesterday at 5:51pm of heart failure. Carlin was the first stand-up I ever heard, thanks to a friend who gave me a tape of one of his albums when I was a lad. I didn't get all the jokes, but I laughed my ass off anyway. I still remember when his A Place For My Stuff album came out, Celebhith and I put it on her record player(remember those, kiddies?) and laughed until we couldn't breathe. His humor was direct, sometimes foul, unedited, and always funny. He popped up in some of my favorite movies including Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, Dogma, and Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. His concerts of late were more angry rants at the way the world is going, but while the belly laughs may have been missing he still made you think. Whenever someone asks me who my favorite comedian is, Carlin is always the first name that pops to mind. He always said what was on his mind, and he never sugar coated anything. He said many times that there are no taboo subjects, that anything can be made funny, and he proved that over and over. The only silver lining to his passing is that the inevitable tribute shows may just end up being hilarious.


Marius the Sad

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Like a ping-pong ball in a clothes dryer, so are the days of my life.

Ok, I've been slacking a bit. I promised you a full report on things Marius-like, so here it is. Right now I am under no obligation to go into work, and gas prices being what they are I am exercising that lack of need. Consequently I am dealing with lots of boredom and inertia. On Wednesday I decided to go for a very long bike ride to get my ass off of this chair and pry my brain out of the Intertubes. It was sunny, and hot, so I put on a sleeveless tee shirt and shorts, and slathered on the sunscreen. I sallied forth, entertained by one of my favorite podcasts, and ended up covering somewhere in the vicinity of twelve miles or so. Yay me!! Unfortunately the sunscreen gave out at some unknown point, and my arms got well cooked. Nothing debilitating, just annoying as hell. So over the past few days I've been dressing like an Eskimo every time I go out. It sucks. Thank Ipthar for Aloe gel.
On Thursday I had to go into work because workers were coming to replace a cracked mirror in our dance studio. I decided that, since I had to go in anyway I'd enlist the aid of my former high school student, JJ, in helping me move some heavy stuff around. I feel it important to point out that one of the few times my wife gets upset with me is when I'm damaged, yet I do hurtful things anyway. So I summoned the young one, who was eager to help, and we went in and she helped me move lots of stuff that would have taken me twice as long by myself, and probably left me a couch jockey for a few days. She is the same girl who we employ as the COA's nanny at SCA events, and her company is always welcome. I couldn't pay her, but I did feed her and get her away from the craziness at home for a while. You see her mom is getting married tonight, so chaos reigns supreme at the moment. Her mom likes us very much, and has invited us to the nuptials. We're looking forward to the party.
Then Thursday evening Mrs. Marius and I went to see The Incredible Hulk. Maybe I'm mellowing as I age, but I really enjoyed this movie. It's not going to make any record books, nor will there be any mention of it at next year's Oscars, but it did exactly what a Hulk movie should. Smash! Lots of stuff. It was a Godzilla movie on a slightly smaller scale with a bit more talking. And now that Marvel has taken the reigns of their movies they are tying them all together just like their comics. Robert Downey's Tony Starke puts in a brief appearance at the end for just that reason. Plus there is the obligatory, yet always fun cameo by Stan Lee, and a couple of cameos that will bring a smile if you catch them. I would recommend that should you wish to see this, catch at the movies. This flick needs the big screen.
And in the 'you have got to be fucking kidding me' department, Battlestar Galactica had it's mid-season finale(whatever the hell that is) last week, and I just found out that it won't be back on the air until January or February!!!!! FRAAAAAK!!!!!! Ah well, at least Stargate: Atlantis will be back in a few weeks. And Doctor Who is staying pretty good as well.
And speaking of shoes, I just tried to go find a pair of dress shoes for the wedding. Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but I refuse to pay $25 for a pair of shoes I will only wear, maybe, once a year. My sneakers are black, so they'll do. I did get a pair of dress socks, though.
Ok, that's all for now. What's up with y'all?


Friday, June 20, 2008

Ice! Ice! Baby.

Water ice has very probably been found by the Mars Phoenix Lander. The lander dug a hole just a few inches deep and revealed chunks that sublimed(changed directly from a gas to a liquid)over the course of 4 Martian days. Sand don't play that game. NASA cannot conclusively say that it's H2O until they get some of it into the lander's on board analyzer, but the visual evidence alone strongly indicates that the ice is, indeed, water. Click here for the full story.

This is totally cool!!!

Marius the Psyched

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Tune in Tomorrow


Tune in tomorrow for all the details that will fit in Prince, or something like that. IDK, my BFF Jill?


G'night folks. Try the veal.


Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Now This One's Just Silly


Thanks, QBK. :-)

Star Trek Tribute

If this doesn't choke you up at some point, then you aren't really a Star Trek fan.
Enjoy. :-)

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

M-m-must Sssurvive...Just..A...Bit...Long..Longer

So I'm having blood work done this morning. It's nothing serious. Just making sure my blood pressure medication isn't hollowing me out one organ at a time. The needle doesn't bother me. Compared to the drinking straws they use at the blood bank, I barely feel that whisper thin little thing. Going in in the morning doesn't bother me, in fact I wish this appointment were earlier. And here's why: I was not allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight last night. Eat is no big deal. I don't usually eat breakfast until later in the morning anyway. BUT I CAN'T HAVE ANY COFFEE UNTIL AFTER THEY'RE DONE!!!!

The horror...the horror.


Marius the Semi-Conscious

Monday, June 16, 2008

Me Cast

You know how I've been talking about the podcasts and forums I have recently become enamored of? Well, one of them, Simply Syndicated(which is where Make It So, the Star Trek podcast is) recently added a podcast called Books You Should Read. The idea was that we, the listeners, could record our own book reviews, send them the MP3 file, and they would put it on the web site. Well guess what I did today. I have been rereading Stranger In A Strange Land over the past two or three weeks, and finally finished it today. I wrote, recorded, and sent the review in to them, and expected to have to wait a few weeks since they keep saying they have lots of submissions. Well, it was up on the site within an hour of my sending it. Here is the link directly to the site:

Books You Should Read

Or you can go to iTunes and search for Books You Should Read. It runs a little over 5 minutes, so it won't break your memory banks, and I'm pretty pleased with how it came out. Let me know what you think of it.

Marius the Ever So Slightly Famous.

Yet Another Dead Celeb

God is apparently getting ready to make one hell of a movie, since He's summoning so much talent to the pearly gates lately. Stan Winston, who won oscars for his make up and special effects work on Aliens, T-2, and Jurassic Park died today after a 7 year battle with cancer. It's hard to think of a big Science Fiction or Horror movie that didn't involve Stan Winston in some way. Starman, The Terminator, both Predator movies, Pumpkinhead, Edward Scissorhands, Batman Returns, Interview With The Vampire, Galaxy Quest, and more and more and more. He was working right up until November of last year. He was 62.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Fathers Day

I would like to take a moment to share a post I put up in an online forum to which I belong this morning.

It's Fathers Day here in the states, so pray forgive my taking some space here to thank my two dads. My biological father divorced from my mother when I was two, and passed away when I was 14, but I never felt more loved or safe than the hug my brother and I would get when he would pick us up for his bimonthly visits. He was as great a role model as he could be, and as an occupational therapist he cared for disabled children right up until his cancer made him too frail to do so. My step father is a wonderful man who took care of my mother, and always stood behind my brother and me no matter how much stupid shit we pulled, and as an ex Marine we pushed that tolerance well past what should have been a breaking point. He and my mom have been married 31 years, and his example is making me a better step father to my step daughter. So thanks to Richard, Sr. and Jack. I am who I am in large part because of you both.

Of course, the irony of this post is that neither of them is likely to read it. Only my mom, who did all the hard work of raising two idiot boys who tried their best to drive her to the loony bin. So even though this is Fathers Day, the lion's share of the thanks go to my mom, Sherry.

Love to you all,

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Happy Birthday, Terrapene

Have a happy, happy birthday, Syr Turtle!!!

Love ya, ya Sheep lover you.

Friday, June 13, 2008

Tim Russert Dies of Heart Attack

He collapsed at work and could not be revived. Tom Brokaw went on the air, and was obviously fighting with his emotions to announce the death of his friend. Russert was 58.

Thursday, June 12, 2008


I have always been a fan of Biology, and remember many things from my high school Anatomy class that should have been long ago forgot. So generally I appreciate learning more about the human body and how it works. But lately I've been learning new things about the human body by breaking them in my own!! Remember the back pain I mentioned last week, well it hasn't gone away, and this morning drove me from my slumber. So I went to the doctor. It seems that I inflamed my sacroiliac joint. Now if you had asked me yesterday about it, I would have told you with no degree of uncertainty that the sacroiliac was something Bugs Bunny made up. Nope, it's a real thing as you can see in the picture above. It is where the ilium and the sacrum meet, hence the name. And what's the best way to inflame said joint? Lifting and twisting, say while, oh, loading a truck. Fuck!!! I'm not ready to be decrepit, dammit!!!!! So I got two shots of steroids into my butt, a script for Vicodin, and a 'give it a week' admonition to go easy on it. Hopefully this will go away and I can get back to work finding new things to learn about...the hard way.

Marius the Elder

Techno Kitty

Artemis embraces the wireless lifestyle.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Repeat Customers?

I just saw a commercial for where they touted that now applicants can consult with members who know the most about the site. And it makes me wonder...if was so successful there shouldn't be anyone who knows the most about the site.

Just sayin'.

So what Summer Blockbusters(tm) are you looking forward to? I'm cautiously optimistic about The Incredible Hulk and Get Smart. When I heard that they were making a Get Smart movie I began to groan, but as soon as I saw Steve Carrel as Max I relaxed a bit. Although The Rock is in it, too, and I found his two minutes in the Reno 911 movie to be excruciating, but I'll keep an open mind.

And in the WTF department, I was looking at plane fare to Connecticut, and then decided to compare renting a car and taking the train. I was stunned to find out that the train was the most expensive, by quite a bit. Weird.

Marius, out.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Space Thread

On an online forum I frequent, in a discussion thread about our upcoming election, I mentioned that I back Obama, even though I don't agree with all of his ideas. For example Obama wants to put the manned space program on hold for five years. I couldn't disagree more. I was then asked what my opinion of the space program was. I wanted to share my answer with you all because it kinda surprised me. Every now and then I'll write something that seems to have come from somewhere other than my own hand, and this was one of those times.

I think that manned space flight has been woefully, maybe even criminally neglected. Many of the technical advancements we enjoy today are a direct result of the space program. Instantaneous world-wide communication, cordless tools and appliances, smoke detectors, home water filters, laser surgery, prosthetics, body imaging, lightning protection for aircraft, and breathing systems for firefighters are just some of the modern marvels that are a direct result of NASA research, and most of them came about because of the manned space flight programs. ( On the less practical, but no less important side, the manned missions give the world heroes to watch. I remember watching the Apollo missions, and even though I was little more than a toddler I knew something important was happening. If you look at the literature of the early 70's there seemed to be little doubt that we would have permanent settlements on the Moon by the turn of the century, and that Mars would follow soon after. The reality is that we haven't left low Earth orbit since 1972. Granted there are many things that robots can do, and it is undoubtedly cheaper and safer to send probes, but probes don't inspire. Humans have always needed to explore, to push back the veil of the unknown, to(if I may) boldly go where no one has gone before. And there are things that people can do that robots cannot. Our Solar system is full of wonders, and resources just waiting to be unlocked. But as long as we cower in fear over the dangers that exist beyond the tiny layer of gasses that surround our planet we cannot grow as a people. Many astronauts have commented that from orbit borders become invisible and meaningless. I firmly believe that the future of the human race lies beyond the clouds. This planet's resources will not last forever, and at the rate we are extending life spans the crowding will only get worse. Yes, colonizing the other planets will be dangerous, and expensive, but so was finding the New World. We need to stop taking the safe and easy path, and get back out there. The more we think of this planet as just one small piece in a larger puzzle, the sooner our petty differences will fade, and true cooperation between the peoples of the Earth can become a reality.

Joe American

This guy has some good ideas.

Monday, June 09, 2008

No Real Surprises

Your Political Profile:

Overall: 30% Conservative, 70% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Ethics: 0% Conservative, 100% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Geek Lolz

This site very funny. It's full of graphs. Yeah, I know how it sounds, but they're funny graphs. Behold:

song chart memes
more graph humor and song chart memes

It's worth a look.

Marius the Amused

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Goin' Back to Tallahassee

So yesterday was consumed by a road trip. Our annual exodus to bring the COA to her father for the Summer. The trip was uneventful, and uninteresting in the context of blogging, but it did allow two things to happen. Firstly, by forcing me to remain for all intents and purposes motionless for nearly ten straight hours my back feels much better today. I was in so much pain on Friday that I tried to get in to see the doctor, but they couldn't fit me in. Just as well now, since the pain is finally ebbing. The other happening was something of an epiphany. Now that Hillary Clinton has accepted that she will not be the Democratic nominee, there has been some talk of her being tapped to be Obama's Vice President. I kept waffling between thinking that was a great idea, and the worst idea ever. Finally, as Mrs. Marius and I were talking about just that subject it hit me. Mrs. Clinton is almost as divisive as our current president, and I think putting her on the ticket as veep would be a bad move. But...she would make a very formidable Secretary of State. She's smarter than Henry Kissinger, and scarier than Madaline Albright. If anyone could keep our diplomatic relations under control it would be her, if for no other reason then out of shear terror of pissing her off.

Ok, I'm being a bit facetious here, but I do think she'd be a good Secretary of State. Am I full of it?

Marius the Slightly Less Pained

Saturday, June 07, 2008

Road Weary

more cat pictures

We just got back from Tallahassee where we sent the COA to spend a month with her father. I'm beat, and sore, and am just getting this in under the wire. So here's an adorable LOLcat to tide you over til I am more rested.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Starbuck: Lord of the Kitchen

[Starbuck Rex (felis domesticus goofiensis)]

The Kitchen is filled with beauty, and danger; and lost boxes filled with treats, and things that might be food, or might be toys.
This is my domain, and I pester those who come here; for I am Starbuck, Lord of the Kitchen!

Thursday, June 05, 2008


Ok, so it appears that when I make a muscle, or group of muscles hurt, I do it in a way that is hitherto unheard of in this part of the world, but destined to take the place of the mudshark in your mythology. I took a Flexoril last night, and passed out at 7:30. When Starbuck demanded his breakfast at 5am I pried myself out of bed like some antique steampunk android and hobbled to the kitchen to feed the beasties. Their bowls, which sit on the floor, seemed to be miles from my fingers, and it took about 2 hours to bend down to get them. All the muscle relaxer did was make me dopey, and did nothing for the owie. So I bummed a Vicodin from the wife. That made me not care for a bit, but did nothing to stop the owie. As an aside, a couple of weeks ago I picked up Robin Hood: Men in Tights from the 'we can't give this shit away' bin at Wallyworld. I remember it being amusing, if not his best work. It seemed a good watch for a couch-ridden, drug-addled creature such as myself. If I might quote a certain farmboy from Tattooine, "What a piece of junk!" Talk about a film that does not stand the test of time. Most of the jokes are very reflective of the times, and they weren't that funny. Air pump sneakers. Home Alone. Constant Ah-Choo jokes. Urgh! Another memory of my youth shattered. sigh

Ok, well it hurts to sit up, so I'm going to go lay down and whimper.


Addendum: Beware the ferocious Desk Monster! They can strike when you least expect it.

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

Time Release Pain

So, as I reported earlier, I helped move the lovely and talented, and newest member of the family, Sheeps on Sunday. I was rather indiscriminate in my bale toting and barge lifting, and when Monday came around sans agony I was rather impressed with myself. "Not bad for an old bugger", thought I. And there was a bit more swagger in my step. Words like 'Herculean' passed more than once through my mind, and I decided that 44 isn't so bad after all.

Oh Gods of Olympus, can you not let one instance of hubris pass?!

I awoke today in mild discomfort, that slowly evolved into pain, that is now a band of major owie across my lower back that forced me to ask my wife to get a pan out of the lower oven drawer so I could make dinner. The bitch of this is that my lower back has never given me trouble before. So, Flexoril take me away! I took a muscle relaxer, and expect another 2 hours of consciousness. I'll let you know how things are tomorrow.

Marius the Decrepit


It's about damned time!!

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

Didja Ever...

This morning I was doing laundry at the laundromat. I was sitting, reading Stranger in a Strange Land, and a strange, but not unfamiliar feeling came over me. The urge to just disappear, to vanish, to take the clothes I had with me, fill the gas tank, and drive until the gas ran out, then start walking. Say goodbye to all that is Marius, and wander the Earth in search of meaning and anonymity. Of course I'd never actually do it. I don't know Kung-Fu for one thing, nor was I ever exposed to an excess of gamma rays. Plus, I like things like electricity, toilet paper, and clean underwear too much. But it is sometimes a pleasant fantasy.

Do any of you ever think about this?


If Only

Monday, June 02, 2008

Bass Pursuits

So a few years ago, back in Louisiana, Wal-Mart had some relatively inexpensive electric guitars on display. There was a bass guitar, and I began to entertain the idea of picking one up and maybe learning to use it. Many, many years ago I bought a bass, and tried to learn its ways, but that didn't go so well, and I ended up selling it to a pawn shop for 1/4 what I paid for it. I have always loved the bass. My rock and roll heroes include Geddy Lee, Gene Simmons, Tina Weymouth(The Talking Heads), and Ariel Powers who used to be the bass player for the Fabulons, a South Florida oldies band of which I was once a fan. Ariel was a good friend, serious crush, and had mad bass skills. Unfortunately the cash never seemed available to get the guitar, and I relegated it to the 'maybe someday' file. Fast forward to this past Christmas. My beloved wife presented me with a bass guitar. I was thrilled...and then it sat untouched for months. I found a bass DVD, and even put it in the player once. Then it, too sat. So not too long ago I was deviling my wife about her myriad hobbies for which she has many books and apparatuses(aparati?) that she never actually does anything with, when she turned to me and said, "So when's the last time you touched that guitar?" I was skewered. The next day I did an Internet search to see if there were any places within a half hour's drive where I could take lessons. Much to my amazement I found one 10 minutes from home. I signed up, and tonight took my first lesson. We didn't really do much. We got acquainted a bit, he asked me what my musical tastes were[Black Sabbath, BOC, Deep Purple, etc], and what song I would most like to learn. This was, to me, the absolutely correct question, and I immediately answered Black Sabbath's N.I.B. He did a quick YouTube search, and listened to the song. He started figuring out the notes right then, and made some notes. Then he looked at my guitar. We need to do some work on it next week. The neck is a bit bowed, and the action is way too high, but he said it's serviceable for a cheap guitar.(actually I apologized for the cheapness of the guitar. He wasn't too put off by it, or at least he didn't let it show) So we'll see where this goes.

In other news I have to share this tale I read today on Fark. A woman in Utah had to call 911 because her car battery died while she was inside, and the automatic locks were all locked. She didn't know how to manually unlock her car! When the cops showed up she couldn't hear them through the windows, so they had to call her on her cell and instruct her how to unlock her fucking door!!! The story doesn't say how old this tard is, but I must pray, for the sake of our race, that she either hasn't, or won't procreate.

Ok, bed time. Love to all.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

What a Weekend!

Jinkies! This has been one hell of a ride this weekend. As I've mentioned previously, I went to Cocoa Beach to watch the Discovery take off. This all came about because of Unkk. Yes, Unkk is a person. On the game City of Heroes all of his characters are named with some variant of Unkk. We knew that he played SCA as well, and that he worked for NASA, but we had yet to meet him. Well, last weekend at the event we met, and had a very pleasant, if geek-riddled conversation. He then invited us, meaning Duke, Targon, and myself, to accompany him to see the launch. The obvious, and only answer was YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fast forward to Saturday. I readied the Hyperion for her cross-state journey, bade farewell to the COA and her babysitter, and set out for points East. I got there easily, for Unkk's directions were flawless, and joined up with Duke, his lady and youngling, and surprise surprise, Rico. Rico actually lives just a few minutes away from Unkk(yeah, this whole psuedo-anonymity thing is getting a bit silly, but what can you do?) and when he heard of the opportunity he leapt at it as well. Alas, Targon was caught up in end-o-semester grading(he, too, teaches college) and could not come. So we all piled in to Duke's SUV and headed out to the space center.

The traffic getting in was like Disney on a Saturday late morning, but we were all having a great time chatting, so all was well. Let me tell you, when we finally reached the point where armed guards were turning away car after car full of idiots who thought they could just drive onto the base during a launch, it was so cool to be waved on because we had an Unkk with his badge, and this on the dash:

Once past the checkpoint we drove another mile or three into the complex, with Unkk playing tour guide the whole way. We passed through two more checkpoints and then were ushered onto the grass to park. The viewing area was about 2 miles or so from the launchpad, and we could clearly see the orbiter and liquid fuel tank in the distance. So we set up our folding chairs, and coolers, and got ready to wait. Here we are, waiting:

From left to right: Mrs. Duke, Unkk, Unkkling, Dukeling, Rico, Duke, and Yours Truly.

We wandered a bit, and went to the impromptu gift shop/trailer where I got a few trinkets for the ladies back home, then it was time for the launch. There were loudspeakers that carried the launch commentary, so we knew when the countdown drew nigh. It was like being a kid on Christmas Eve for me. At T-15 seconds I turned on the camera's auto timer so that it would record the launch, and I could just watch. Fifteen became ten, then five, then zero. At first we didn't see anything, since there was a hill between us and the orbiter where we were set up, but it didn't take long for the billowing steam clouds from the vibration ablating water tank to rise above the trees, only to be pierced by the brilliant light of those titanic engines. As the orbiter cleared the steam cloud I took off my sunglasses to get an unfiltered view, but immediately had to put them back on as the flame is too bright to look at with the naked eye. As Discovery climbed higher I tilted the camera upward, still not taking my eyes off the amazing spectacle, in the hopes of getting the full trajectory. I got very lucky, as you saw if you watch the video below. Then the sound reached us. And that was the coolest part. It starts off as a low rumble, then a loud rumble, then a thunderous roar, then the roar shreds itself into a staccato rattle as the very air is decimated by those incredible sound waves. Slowly, as the orbiter gains altitude, the sound lessens, but it goes on for a very long time; long after the shuttle is merely a tiny point of light at the top of a long tapering column of smoke. We kept our eyes on the ever decreasing dot, and then the final coolness happened. You can actually see the solid rocket boosters drop away. And then she was gone. It was, quite possibly, the coolest experience of my life.

The traffic getting back out was pretty bad, but we were all high from the launch, and again the conversation flowed. We finally made it back to the Unkkhouse where Unkk, being a computer doctor, took a look at my woefully underpowered computer(which he had suggested I bring with me). He dug out the video card and replaced it with a much more powerful one he happened to have laying around, then proceeded to diagnose what I need to do to get back to playing City of Heroes. Then he put on some diagnostic software that worked wonders on this poor little box. The whole time we were swapping 'no shit, there we were' stories, and talking about movies, and SCA, and just about anything. Unkkwife was busy making 'fire meat' and 'fire vegetables' on the grill, and eventually laid out a spread of grilled meats and veggies that was just incredible. Eventually it was disclosed that this pass that Unkk got was not a usual thing, and it was only the second time, and most likely the last time in his career that he got such a thing. I felt doubly honored at his generosity. After dinner we indulged in homemade ice cream and a French Silk pie made with Bailey's Irish Cream that was positively decadent. And lastly Unkk brought out two of his prized possessions: actual space shuttle heat tiles. They are incredibly light and feel like a cross between Styrofoam and fiberglass. He let me hold them, and I couldn't have been more impressed if they had been the crown jewels. Finally I bade a very reluctant good bye to my unbelievably generous hosts, and made my way back home.

Today was a day of sweat, toil, and good friends. At 10am I joined with several others to load up a U-Haul with Sheep's worldly possessions so that she may cohabit in wedded bliss with our beloved Turtle. It was a day full of stairs, furniture, and traumatized kitties, but the company was pleasant, and the work not that exhausting. The COA had to come with me, and she was less than thrilled, but her mother works not too far from where we were, and came and picked her up just after lunch. The truck was filled by 2ish, and they all headed for points north, where a fresh crew waited for the unload. Then I came home, took a shower, and crashed hard. All in all it was a groovy, fun, exciting, warm, and exhausting weekend. What a ride!!

Marius the Pooped

Discovery, You Are Go For Launch!

I'll tell more later, as I'm going to help pack up Sheeps for her journey to Turtle Town, but here's the launch video.

Shuttle Discovery Launch, May 31, 2008 from Marius on Vimeo.