Friday, June 27, 2008

Show Your ID Card To The Border Guard Part III


I am frequently amazed at the escalating levels of stupidity in this country. In Florida, if you've lived here for more than, let's say 30 seconds, you realize that dinosaurs still walk the Earth, or I should say they still float the canals. I'm talking about alligators. Those once-endangered refugees from the linear time flow that are now fairly common in the less developed areas. If you don't live in Florida you may be envisioning some sort of Land of the Lost scenario where we must dash from car to house lest we be set upon and devoured by these fearsome creatures. Nothing could be further from the truth. The alligator is a simple animal, and being exothermic they tend to not use what energy they soak up from the sun unless they have a reasonable expectation of success. In other words the happiest gator is one that just had some hapless critter walk into it's open mouth. That's why they do that whole 'log' shtick. That's why, when you know a canal is 'infested' with alligators, you don't go for a swim at 2am. Seems obvious, right? Not to 18 year old Kasey Edwards. He decided to take a dip in a canal near Lake Okeechobee in the wee small hours of Sunday morning, and provided a tasty snack for an eleven foot long gator: his left arm. He managed to escape the creature by gouging its eyes with his right hand, and friends called 911 quickly enough that he survived. The gator, who did nothing more than what gators do, was caught and killed. Edwards's arm was recovered from the belly of the beast, but could not be reattached. Bad day for both Edwards and the gator. But wait, there's more. This tard not only admitted that he knew that there were over a hundred alligators in that canal, he then went on to blame the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission for not keeping the gator population under control! "It's a problem that needs to be dealt with," Edwards said. "The alligators -- the population needs to be brought down." I have said it on many occasions. 99% of the time that an adult human gets munched by an alligator the human was at fault. And here is a shining example of both stupidity, and a staggering lack of personal responsibility. I really hope that some scumbag lawyer convinces this moron to sue the state. Maybe hearing a judge tell him to STFU will get the message across that he's an idiot. Obviously having his arm torn off didn't do it.

Adios, mis amigos.
Marius

6 comments:

Alysoun said...

I'm with you, Marius. My SONS knew, BEFORE they were in the 1st grade, the basic rules of Florida Survival:

1) Do not swim/surf past dusk. This is when sharks eat.

2) Do not feed/play fetch with the alligators. The alligator will eat YOU.

3) Do NOT enter bodies of water wherein alligators reside. They will eat you.

4) Especially do not enter bodies of water at night. You will not be able to SEE them come at you as they decide what PART of you to eat.

5) Really? The snake doesn't want you to pet it.

6) It's an iguana. it's cute NOW, but in a year, it won't fit in your Honda.

Just sayin'

Rosebuckle said...

Every report I've heard about this kid has been just as incredulous. You also forgot to mention he was drunk & all his friends kept saying "don't do it"
Apparently this kid didn't start blaming until he went on "Good Morning America" (I believe that's the right morning show). I think the realization came over this kid that he was about to go on national TV & admit that he was a drunken idiot and decided to become defensive. We've all met this type before. Lets all just be thankful he hadn't decided to throw one of his friends overboard as a joke instead.

Marius said...

The article I saw didn't mention booze, although I asssumed it was a factor. So now, because of underage drinking and macho idiocy an 11 foot gator, and they don't get that big over night, is dead.

Anonymous said...

The report I saw said they killed, I believe, 3 gators before they found the one with his arm in the belly. These gators were not "nuisance" gators. They were not approaching people in a developed area. They were in their own territory.He invaded them.What a crummy waste!!

IR

celebhith said...

Thank you and Amen!!! What kind of moron goes swimming in a Florida canal anyway, being populated as they are not only with gators, but water moccasins, and many other unsavory health hazards, like rusted cans, broken glass and the like. Besides, there's the ocean and no lack of pools, if you live here. My bet is he'd had a few too many beers and thought it would be "fun" to see if he could outswim a gator or two. He's just damn lucky it didn't make an entire meal of him. Too bad the gator didn't eat his balls, 'cos now this idiot will procreate. Will this guy make the Darwin list?

celebhith said...

Just now read the other comments and am glad to see my hunch is right! Honestly, beer and testosterone have soooooo much to answer for!