I'm a Baaad Blogger

I had no idea. No idea at all just how all-consuming being a parent is. I mean I've been a step-parent for nearly a decade now, but this is so very different. The CoA is a relatively self-sufficient creature, able to be left alone for increasingly longer periods, and aside from a damnable angsty attitude is fairly autonomous. But the baby...the baby. Don't get me wrong, I adore her and would fight a Balrog wearing only a Saran Wrap thong and wielding a celery stick to protect her if need be, but by Grabthar's hammer I miss me. Every morning is spent desperately trying to get my coffee down and my email checked before those familiar little noises coming from the monitor turn into the full-throated wails of the now awake and hungry Sharon. The rest of the morning is a game of 'let's see how long daddy can sneak away to wash dishes, or get big sister out of bed, or Heaven forbid eat some breakfast before baby starts crying'. Then it's bottles, play, carry, change, play, bottle, rock, sleep, rinse, repeat. Then after work it's the balancing act between mommy and daddy to make sure neither of us gets unfairly put upon, although my lack of functioning mammary glands does make that somewhat difficult, but since I do most of the non-lactation related food prep I consider that an even balance. Finally, anywhere between 7-8:30 the baby falls asleep for the night...well, at least until around midnight-2am when she'll wake up and want more to eat. Then Mrs. Marius turns in, and I have the house to myself. I have so many things I want to do. Blog, edit my podcast, play Oblivion, but as soon as I sit down at the computer my eyelids become two lead sheets, and I'm usually in bed by 9:30 having accomplished nothing. Then it all starts again, though sometimes I'm up as early as 4:30 because the little one makes a lot of noise in her sleep, and sometimes it's hard to tell the difference between a sleep cry and an awake cry. So, as you might imagine, I'm a tad frazzled of late.

Also, a week ago last Thursday, my wife was in a car wreck. Fortunately is a was a low speed collision where no one got hurt, and was not her fault, but we are now dealing with getting her car fixed and worrying about them fixing all the damage vs just totaling the car and giving us a fraction of what we'd need to buy something else, so that's an extra frazzlation. At least they've paid for a rental so we're not down a vehicle. Plus my car is on its last legs, having given me sixteen years and 270,000 miles, but our tax return should cover a down payment on a newer car, but I hate buying a car.

So, in a nutshell that's why I've been terribly absent. I hope that if any of you are still reading this that all is well with you, and rest assured I still read your stuff. Now if you'll excuse me I have to go wash something.

Oh, and that picture is Sharon this weekend. We went to a very nice park with this great raised boardwalk/nature trail. Sharon, when surrounded by the bounteous beauty of nature, wanted only to look at the boards of the boardwalk while being carried, and to chew on her stroller when being wheeled about. I love her, but she's weird.

Marius

The Teacher Becomes the Taught

When I was 3 or 4 years old my father got us in a car crash. We had just come home from something or other, and our cat was on top of the table, and I wanted to hold her. So I pulled her down to me. Of course, being just a toddler I didn't know how to handle a cat in such a way, she thought she was falling, put out her claws, and scratched my eye. I don't remember much of this, just vague impressions, but my mother later told me there was a lot of blood and crying, and my dad panicked and threw us in the car and raced for the hospital. Unfortunately, due to his belief that my eyeball had been shredded, he ignored one too many stop signs and we got t-boned. The police took my mother and me to the hospital and it turned out that the cat had only nicked my eyelid and I was perfectly fine. All my life I never fully appreciated that incident, and kinda wondered why my normally rational father would lose his shit so. Yesterday I found out. Sharon's fingernails have needed trimming for a while now, but my up-close vision has degraded to the point that even with glasses it's very hard for me to see her whisper-thin, yet oh-so-sharp nails. But my wife has been sick of late and hasn't been up to doing much of anything, so I put on two pairs of glasses and figured I'd give it a go. The first clip went ok, or so I thought, but slowly Sharon's face went from baby neutral to a soul-shredding frown of ultimate unhappiness and she began screaming in pain. Looking more closely I saw I had taken a nip out of the end of her thumb, and it was starting to bleed. I felt like I was the worst, most horrible daddy ever, and as I held my screaming baby to my chest, knowing that she was screaming because of me, the myriad of emotions flooding me completely ripped any rationality from my mind. Anger, confusion, terror all blotted out my usually analytical thought processes, and all I could do was move in random directions while trying to comfort the wailing creature in my arms. My poor teenager made the mistake of being visible and I yelled at her in my frustration, sending her to her room in tears. Fortunately this only lasted a few minutes, and I calmed down enough to finally get myself together and take care of the injury...a bit of hydrogen peroxide and a way-too-big Band-Aid did the trick...and apologize to the COA, but I felt like the lowest of the low all the rest of the day. I know that should this be my worst day as a daddy I'll be very lucky, but I also hope that my complete losing of my shit over such a relatively minor thing will help me to not do so in the future if/when something serious happens. And dad, if you are still out there and are watching, I get it now.

Why I Hurt My Baby

Little Sharon was lying on the crinkly paper covered exam table. She'd stoically endured pokes, and prods, and cold stethoscope intrusions, and even swallowed the oral vaccine without complaint. But then it was time for the shots. I hadn't been there for the first round of them, so I didn't know what to expect. I held her little hands as the doctor stuck the three tiny needles into her thighs. I will never forget the red-faced wailing of my darling girl, or the look of utter anguish and hurt on her face. I squeezed her hands, fought back my instinct to grab her and flee, or fight off her assailant, and tried my best to reassure her that it would be all right. The shots were given quickly, and in a few seconds I was holding my crying baby in my arms, rocking her and trying to soothe her. I tried to comfort myself with the knowledge that she will almost certainly not remember anything about this day, though I know that I will almost certainly never forget. The rest of the day she was grumpy and uncomfortable; made all the worse by the nasty cold she has. Last night neither my wife nor I got much sleep as Sharon slept fitfully, noisily, and woke frequently due to her stuffed up nose. But, in two months when it's time for her next round of shots I'll willingly, if not exactly gladly, do it all again. I know that with the exception of this relatively small amount of pain and discomfort I am protecting my little girl from rotavirus, hepatitis b, haemophilus influenzae, polio, diphtheria, tetanus, and pertussis. Any of these can be fatal or crippling, and I will continue to do everything I can to protect my darling baby from the ravages of easily preventable diseases. And if you are on the fence about vaccinating your kids I urge you to do your homework. Look at the volumes of data compiled over nearly a century that vouch for the safety and efficacy of vaccines. I also urge you to ignore celebrities who have no medical credentials whatsoever, yet choose to spread falsehoods and bad science. Vaccines are safe, effective, and vital to the survival of our children.

I will now put the soapbox away.

And Now Your Moment of Zen

I'm posting this on because it worked for me today.

A Dr. on TV said to have inner peace we should always finish things we start & we all could use more calm in our lives.

I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun prscriptuns, an a box a chocletz.

Yu haf no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvem.

My Cat is a Sloppy Drunk

If Artemis could meow 'I love you, motherfucker. No, really, I mean it, man.' she would. It's nearly Christmas, and since we've decided to go down to South Florida so my dad and some others can meet Sharon, Artemis is having her annual urinary tract infection. So we found a vet nearby and I put the poor dear in the carrier and paid the good doctor a visit. After the normal prodding, and squeezing, and listening, and, now that I think about it, no thermometer work, the doctor suggested something no one else had. Apparently some cats have a thing called lower urinary tract disease, which acts an awful lot like a UTI, but without bacteria involved. And given Artemis's history of frequent flare ups she is a likely candidate, so rather than antibiotics we have her on painkillers to ease the symptoms and see if it runs its course and subsides on its own. The side effect to the narcotic pain killers is that my cat is stoned out of her tiny kitty mind. When she's not sleeping she's even more affectionate than ever, and she is a very loving kitty, and there have been a lot of kitty kisses and hand grabbing. It's quite amusing, actually. When asked what can trigger such flare ups, the doctor said stress, usually. And what can stress a cat out? Stuff like a new baby in the house. D'oh!

Other than that all is quiet. I'm done for the semester, so I'm on full-time-daddy duty. Sharon has finally mastered blowing raspberries, much to my amusement and my wife's dismay, and the little imp now realizes how much it amuses me, and pthbthbthbthbs whenever she sees me. It's freaking adorable!!

Almost as adorable as this:



TTFN

Marius

Politicraziness

I know I said that I would post an entry every time flurrious did, and some of you might have noticed that she did so just last week, but I did not, but she posted again this week, and it's part 2 of last week's post, so I'm still good, right? Right? *le sigh*

Anyway, the real reason I haven't posted anything is that I'm trying to not be that obnoxious new dad who only ever talks about The Baby(insert golden light from above and a heavenly choir here) You know that guy. Has a wallet full of photos that are all nearly identical, brags about the latest bowel movement stats like her diaper is an NBA court, already knows what college she'll attend, etc. The truth is I AM that guy, but I've been subjected to enough of that over the years that I'm actively fighting it...and mostly succeeding. But, and I hope you'll forgive me this one indulgence, ain't she cute?




Anyway, I have a theory about the latest spate of Republican nutjobs competing for the GOP nomination for 2012. They all seem irredeemably insane, and this has puzzled me for a while, because even at his back-woodsy nuttiest, George W. Bush never acted as batshit crazy as this bunch. But I think I have it figured out. Unseating an incumbent president is historically difficult, and the GOP doesn't seem to have a truly viable candidate right now, so what if they're trotting out the lunatic fringe that keeps begging to sit at the adult's table so that when they inevitably get trounced by Obama then they can legitimately tell them next time that they had their chance, and they need to slink back into the basement while the grownups handle the real work of sucking corporate di...um, funding.

Either that or the whole party is just a bunch of whack jobs.

Either way it's entertaining as hell, but I will miss Herman Cain.

Peace, y'all.
Marius

Someone (else) Think of the Children!!

I've been in the parenting biz for nearly a decade now, not that this makes me an expert by any stretch, but there is one thing I've noticed. Lots of people constantly bemoan that this world is too dangerous for 'the children'. As a newly minted 'daddy' I certainly can understand the inclination to view the world through the prism of how everything will affect my daughter, but I also temper that with the very real fact that it is MY job to protect and teach her. Now I will grant you that there are some things that have been enacted to protect children that I 100% support: fire resistance regulations, paint lead content maximums, and car seat legislation all work to protect children from unscrupulous corporations, or idiot parents. I also agree with some governmental oversight of public schools...note that I said 'some'. But lately it seems that any and everything that could possibly be harmful, or even mildly inconvenient for children must be wrapped in foam, or covered in warnings, or hidden behind a plain brown wrapper, or not put on the air until 2:15am. Speaking as a parent I say KNOCK IT OFF!!!! For every wailing mother on the TV who cries out 'Won't someone think of the children?!' I put in the missing word...'else'. Won't someone else think of my children so I don't have to. And even when someone else does do everything reasonably possible to protect their little snowflakes it's still not enough. Video game companies bent over backwards to rate games so that parents could see at a glance if they were appropriate for their darling, impressionable little cupcakes, yet when my wife worked at K-Mart she frequently sold Grand Theft Auto to parents who then turned around and handed it to their 8 year old, even after being verbally warned by my wife that it probably wasn't age appropriate. And, of course, after watching Ghandi, Jr. cap a hooker and then run over a priest, the fault was laid squarely on the store for selling the game in the first place. It's just sad.

I try my best to keep my children's lives as innocent as possible for as long as possible, but I don't expect the government to do that for me. Everyone screams that they want less government interference in their lives, at least until they have to actually get off their fat asses and show a little parental responsibility, then it's all 'the government didn't do enough to prevent little Johnny from seeing a nipple for 3 milliseconds during a football game'. Yet these are the same yahoos who will haul their toddlers to see The Guts and Boobs Killer XVIII in 3D Gore-Around(tm) without a second thought. This shit used to bug me when I was single, now it just totally pisses me off. And I know I'm preaching to the choir here, but at least I'm getting it off my chest, and getting another blog post out there, so win/win, no?

Anyway, I have some bottles to wash while Sharon is asleep for a bit. Ciao, y'all!

Marius