Sunday, August 28, 2005

Mooo

ru·mi·nant
n.
Any of various hoofed, even-toed, usually horned mammals of the suborder Ruminantia, such as cattle, sheep, goats, deer, and giraffes, characteristically having a stomach divided into four compartments and chewing a cud consisting of regurgitated, partially digested food

ru·mi·nate
v. ru·mi·nat·ed, ru·mi·nat·ing, ru·mi·nates
v. intr.
To turn a matter over and over in the mind.

I'ts 3:24am. I went to bed nearly six hours ago, and after a brief, but satisfying tussle with the missus, slept quite soundly. So, why am I here, now, spewing forth into cyberspace like Ron Jeremy at the Miss Teen USA pageant? Don't know. But my pain is your gain here at The Corner. Tonights ruminations are absolutely free! That's right folks, and don't ya wanna know just what these babies can do? Well allright then, let's go!

I've been trying to come up with a comprehensive list of the twelve albums everyone must have. Here it is:
1: American Idiot, Green Day
2: Moving Pictures, Rush
3: Rock Steady, No Doubt
4: Physical Graffiti, Led Zeppelin
5: The Violin Player, Vanessa Mae
6: Workshop of the Telescopes, Blue Oyster Cult
7: Paranoid, Black Sabbath
8: Break Like The Wind, Spinal Tap
9: Brontosaurus, DaVinci's Notebook
10: Jimmy Eat World, Jimmy Eat World
11: Godsmack, Godsmack
12: Cosmic Thing, The B-52's

Your turn.

Car trouble, bar trouble, bar tribble, far tribble, far babble, far cattle, fear cattle, fear chattle, dear chattle, dear john, dear juan, querida juana, ahhhhKelly Clarkson!!!!

Crikey, just look at the size of that beautiful monstah. We'ah hunting the wild Guanabana, a ferocious looking fruit that Latin Americans love to drink the juice of, but will tear your face clean off if they have a mind to. Now this is very dangerous, and don't you eveh try this, but I'm going to put this fierce bull guanabana down me trousers to keep it moist and warm.

Please return the stewardess to her original, upright position for landing.

Dave...my mind is going...I can feel it...I can feel it...would you like me to sing you a song?...I'm the son of rage and love...the...jesus...of...sssssuuuuuubbbbbuuuurrrrbbbiiaaaaaaaaa.................

Why are sex offenders required to make their presence known when they move into a community, but not murderers? Seems to me that might be some valuable information as well. It could actually become quite the tourist trade. Psycho/Perv tours. "And on the left is Bill 'Three Fingers' Mallone's house. He killed fifteen people with a sawed off shotgun, but got out early for good behavior. He got his nickname in prison, and no one yet has survived asking him why.Heh heh. And on the right, Father Mahoney's house. Oh, get your cameras out folks, he's mowing his lawn. And if you don't get a good snap of him now, you can buy a copy of his mug shot in our gift shop back at the tour center. Believe me, you don't want your kids going to his house on halloween. And coming up on the left, Cardinal Law's $14million estate..."

Would it be wrong for a man to entertain a retirement home by swallowing a whole keilbasa?

I think it would be really cool to have an exoskeleton, but it would be a bitch to get the turtle wax onto and off of your back. Especially if your wings kept getting in the way. And while I'm on this subject, do you suppose if insects had recreationist groups they might build skin suits and pretend that every thing that touched them hurt?

Have you noticed that George Carlin isn't so much funny nowadays as he is frighteningly correct?

Little Willy Willy won't go home, but cha can't push Willy round, Willy won't go. Try tell everybody but whoa no! Little Willy Willy won't...go home. God I hate that song.

I'm having trouble trying to sleep.
I'm counting sheep but running out.
As time ticks by, still I try
No rest for crosstops in my mind
On my own, here we go!

String theorists have a sticky wicket with which to struggle. Their theories are made up of some of the most elaborate, and unfathomable math ever invented, and even if they are correct that all particles are really manifestations of cosmic strings, and it's only the frequency of their vibrations in a ten or eleven dimensional universe that differentiates the various bits of matter, they will most likely never be able to prove it through demonstrable experimentation. They will just have to take it on faith that the equations match the real universe. I wonder if they see the religious overtones and appreciate the irony.

Google The Flying Spaghetti Monster. You won't regret it.

Ok, I've chewed my mental cud enough here. I'm going to try the sleep thing again.

Marius, over and out.

4 comments:

Jeff said...

...do you suppose if insects had recreationist groups they might build skin suits and pretend that every thing that touched them hurt?

Genius! Surely you have been touched by His noodly appendage.

Marius said...

Rah men, brother!

Turtle said...

25 Albums you should own at least one of....

Kiss – Destroyer
John Coltrane – Meditations
The Velvet Underground – The Velvet Underground and Nico
Kate Bush – The Hounds of Love
Miles Davis – Kind of Blue
Black Sabbath – Black Sabbath
AC/DC – Back in Black
Johnny Cash – Solitary Man
Led Zeppelin – IV
Robert Johnson – The Complete Recordings
Steeleye Span – Please to See the King
The Band – Music from the Big Pink
Beatles – White Album
BOC – Agents of Fortune
Meat Loaf – Bat Out of Hell
The Clash – London Calling
Pink Floyd – Dark Side of the Moon
The Who – Tommy
Pearl Jam – Ten
Queen – Night at the Opera
Bob Dylan and The Band – The Basement Tapes
Van Halen – Diver Down
Offspring – Smash
Jethro Tull – Aqualung
Dire Straits – Brothers in Arms

Dave said...

Albums I would need if ever stranded on a deserted island, with a CD player and batteries of course:
Dire Straits-Brothers in Arms
Stevie Ray Vaughan- The Essential Stevie Ray Vaughan
Satriani-Extremist
Elton John-Goodbye Yellow Brick Road
Pink Floyd- The Wall
RUSH- Farewell to Kings
U2- Joshua Tree & Achtung Baby
NIN- Pretty Hate Machine
Jimmy Buffet- Songs You Should Know by Heart
Staind- Break the Cycle
Weber- Jesus Christ Superstar
Mozart- anything Mozart
Metallica-Master of Puppets
Cake-Fashion Nugget
My apologies for any misspellings.