Sunday, October 25, 2015

The Insecurity Bus Has Arrived

OK, let me preface this whine by saying that a week ago I changed blood pressure meds, and have been feeling pretty crappy ever since, so the worries I'm about to expound upon may be related to that. That being said, however, some of what is to come has been smoldering inside me for many years, and I finally have to get it out before they make me any crazier. I will try to keep this from seeming like I'm fishing for compliments, but I am fishing for feedback, and I'm not so sure the difference is all that vast. So if you wish to depart at this point I would neither blame you, nor hold it against you.

    In December of 2008 I became a podcaster, and despite a few brief hiatuses I have never stopped. Even when my show (the now in cryo-sleep Starbase 66) was on pause I was always thinking about what to do next, whom to try to interview, what topics needed attention, etc. Earlier this year we recorded our last regular episode of the Starbase, and then instead of just relaxing I started up two more shows, and also put in regular appearances on yet two other podcasts, as well as the occasional cameo on any show that will have me. I have greatly enjoyed doing these shows, for the most part, despite the occasional bouts of self-doubt that rear up from time to time. I seem to be in the grip of one of those bouts right now, but it has lasted far longer than usual, and I find myself hesitant to actually post shows I've recorded because the sound of my own voice makes me cringe. Of late the thought of retiring from podcasting continues to crop up, even as I plot out what could very well be the best show idea I've ever had...but would require the greatest commitment of time, and resolve I've ever faced as a show host. And that's where this post comes in. I honestly don't know what people think of me as a podcaster. I know what y'all think of my cohosts from the Starbase. I know what y'all think about my cohosts on The Seventh Chevron and Simply Syndicated Move News, and I know what y'all think about Rich on Ray Guns and GoGo Boots, and I know that I am generally liked as a guy in the Simply Syndicated community. (at least I hope that's the case) What is different now is that I'm no longer just facilitating bringing great personalities like Ro Karen and Kennedy to your mp3 players. I'm being me, and just me, and I don't know if that's what folks want.

     I know that some people put out podcasts for themselves, and don't really care if anyone listens, but I can't do that. I'm not looking for ego stroking, just honest feedback on whether or not what I'm doing is something anyone wants to hear. I will be taking some kind of break soon, but whether it's a permanent one or not remains to be seen. If you've gotten this far, and you have listened to any of my shows, please leave a comment either here or on Facebook, and let me know if, in your opinion, I should go on, or pack it in. (and if the latter, please be gentle) ;-)

Thanks, Folks.

Marius

15 comments:

jeff mckenzie said...

Rick, I think you are right. Its the new meds. I know you put in a lot of work for really no pay but I for one always enjoy hearing you on all the Sym Syn shows. Dont stop .This is weird because i am just an anonymous truck driver from Ohio but all you guys have shared so much about your lives and now i consider you all as friends. I think you have become a bit more emotional lately in your rants. A new pill sorts makes sense. Keep doing what makes you happy my friend.We enjoy it, Jeff McKenzie Wapakoneta Ohio Ps..hope this wasnt to personal

rosebuckle said...

Rick, you are really the only reason I listen to any podcast on SS. The others or fine, but I can relate to you, and you ARE interesting to listen to ( not just because I know you). I would very much miss your commentaries. PLEASE don't leave the podwaves (is that a word?). I think Jeff is right, it's the meds!

Rick Tetrault said...

Thanks, Jeff, and no, that wasn't too personal. :-) Deb, as always, I love you!

Jim Arrowood said...

Starbase 66 was one of the first podcasts I started listening to and I have always respected you and enjoyed your intelligent banter with your co-hosts. I have learned a lot listening to shows you have released and have been on and will continue to do so.

That being said, I think that you have to do what you think is right for you. What others think is not important.

So, I will listen as long as you have something to say because I do indeed value your opinions and knowledge. "I have been, and always shall be, your friend."

Jim

Shane Thomas said...

Given that podcasting is something that we all do in our leisure time, I think you should only do it if it's something you enjoy. Personally, I'm always happy to hear you on shows. I've always viewed you as a reliable source of info and knowledge on the network.

kiraniumbra said...

Rick, I think you should continue. I've always enjoyed listening to you. You bring an Everyman sensibility to any show your on, and that's a quality that cannot be rated highly enough. You're funny, intelligent, and goddam it, you're a nice guy. Take a break, and when you come back, I'll give a listen to whatever this new idea is.

Gordon Hewitson said...

Pack it in. You suck! You hater of movies you ;p

Honestly, I know how you feel and I only do one show. You should listen to it sometime.

The best part about you, as a podcaster and not as a person, is that you are always honest and even when you despise something you always try and see the good in it. To me, that's a fair way to look at things and I envy that. You are always articulate, well you have your moments, and whilst I don't listen to everything that you produce, mainly because of lack of time and or/interest in the subject, I always like hearing your take on a topic.

If you do decide to take a permanent break then you know there will always be a pod with your name on it at my place.

Agustin said...

Hello Admiral:

I haven´t been in this blog for a while, and now I see that you just posted this entry. Sorry for being this late.
I hope you are feeling better now (in your health and emotionally). As you suggested, maybe the medication is affecting you somehow.

As for your idea about quiting podcasting, I hope all the comments before this one helped you realize that a bunch of people around the world see you as a friend, and not as someone with an obligation to provide entertainment.

All of the Simply Sindicated people have dedicated so much time giving us information and entertaintment, but primarily making us feel like part of a community. Don't give up on what makes you happy.
Some insecurities will always be there, but you must realize that people respect your ideas and the way you express them.

If you feel that things are not the same as before, that is because times will always change and evolve. Somehow you will sort out new ways of improve what you do. As long as you keep being yourself, being sincere and true to yourself, we the listeners will always be there to support you.

If you need to take a break sometime, we will understand, but you should realize that you are surrounded by friends who will miss you, and will be here to listen to you when you return.

Hugs.

Agustin

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