The Insecurity Bus Has Arrived

OK, let me preface this whine by saying that a week ago I changed blood pressure meds, and have been feeling pretty crappy ever since, so the worries I'm about to expound upon may be related to that. That being said, however, some of what is to come has been smoldering inside me for many years, and I finally have to get it out before they make me any crazier. I will try to keep this from seeming like I'm fishing for compliments, but I am fishing for feedback, and I'm not so sure the difference is all that vast. So if you wish to depart at this point I would neither blame you, nor hold it against you.

    In December of 2008 I became a podcaster, and despite a few brief hiatuses I have never stopped. Even when my show (the now in cryo-sleep Starbase 66) was on pause I was always thinking about what to do next, whom to try to interview, what topics needed attention, etc. Earlier this year we recorded our last regular episode of the Starbase, and then instead of just relaxing I started up two more shows, and also put in regular appearances on yet two other podcasts, as well as the occasional cameo on any show that will have me. I have greatly enjoyed doing these shows, for the most part, despite the occasional bouts of self-doubt that rear up from time to time. I seem to be in the grip of one of those bouts right now, but it has lasted far longer than usual, and I find myself hesitant to actually post shows I've recorded because the sound of my own voice makes me cringe. Of late the thought of retiring from podcasting continues to crop up, even as I plot out what could very well be the best show idea I've ever had...but would require the greatest commitment of time, and resolve I've ever faced as a show host. And that's where this post comes in. I honestly don't know what people think of me as a podcaster. I know what y'all think of my cohosts from the Starbase. I know what y'all think about my cohosts on The Seventh Chevron and Simply Syndicated Move News, and I know what y'all think about Rich on Ray Guns and GoGo Boots, and I know that I am generally liked as a guy in the Simply Syndicated community. (at least I hope that's the case) What is different now is that I'm no longer just facilitating bringing great personalities like Ro Karen and Kennedy to your mp3 players. I'm being me, and just me, and I don't know if that's what folks want.

     I know that some people put out podcasts for themselves, and don't really care if anyone listens, but I can't do that. I'm not looking for ego stroking, just honest feedback on whether or not what I'm doing is something anyone wants to hear. I will be taking some kind of break soon, but whether it's a permanent one or not remains to be seen. If you've gotten this far, and you have listened to any of my shows, please leave a comment either here or on Facebook, and let me know if, in your opinion, I should go on, or pack it in. (and if the latter, please be gentle) ;-)

Thanks, Folks.

Marius