Friday, November 09, 2007


Ok, you wanted to see it, and your wish is my command. I give you...the breast post.

Let me broach this tender topic by stating that, certain girlfriends past notwithstanding(shut up, Rico), I have never been that into large breasts. While physical attributes have rarely been a major starting point to any of my relationships, when I have my choice I prefer a slim woman with a smaller bustline. My wife is the perfect shape for me. I also spend a great deal of time pondering the underlying motivations behind many of my male reactions to things. I have come up with explanations for smiling, infidelity, and the ever popular 'why do guys dig lesbians' questions, but this one has me baffled. There is a young lady in one of my classes, and allow me to restate that I am teaching college now-no minors any more, who is rather gifted in the mamary department. Normally this would not phase me except that she seems to enjoy displaying her bounty by wearing spaghetti strapped tank tops to class. She also is not in the least bit shy about talking about them. So what I can't figure out is that, despite my aforementioned disinclination toward cups that runneth over, I have to constantly wrestle with my eyes to keep them north of her collar bones. It's almost as if that little lizard in my brainstem is screaming 'BOOOOOOOOOOOOOBS!!!!!!' and trying to grab the controls. It reminded me of a conversation I had with one of my squadron mates when I was in the Air Force. One of our supervisors was a woman who was in her early fifties and was, to use a generous term, plain. Actually mannish would be more apt. She was also a bit overweight, with a 'full figure'. I liked her a lot, and she was one of my favorite sargeants to work with, but I never had the slightest sexual thought about her. Then one night after she had left the room my buddy turned to me and said 'Man, whenever I see her all I can do is stare at those boobs.' I was stunned into a rare silence. He couldn't care less what the rest of her looked like, all he saw was a large pair of boobs.
One of our local radio stations has a contest every year called Jingle Jugs where they give away 12 breast augmentation surgeries, and I am stunned at the flood of entries they get. I just don't understand why bigger is better, even apparantly to my own Neanderthal pig-lizard brain. Any thoughts?


Turtle said...

See? This is not such a bad post. You should have gone with this in the first place.

As a fellow male, let me chime in to some possible excuses:

Biological: We're weaned on 'em, we can't wait to get back to 'em. All animals do it. Look at cats. They do that little "making bisquits" thing with their paws. That's a instinct from when they were kits, to get Mom to give up the milk. It's pure nature.

Societal: The media tells us that they are what we want. Look at all the "well endowed" women in mags and on TV. Look at Cosmo. This is a 'zine whose target audience is women, and there's cleavage on any cover of any issue to make the Grand Tetons jealous.

Then there's the other aspect of societal pressure - the forbidden fruit. We're not supposed to be interested, so, naturally, we are. They're supposed to be kept covered up. We're not supposed to see them, so, the more flesh we do see, the more interested we become.

Entertainment: They're fun to play with. We know that they're a major stimuli are for a lot of women, so our fun has a beneficial result.

Simplistic: We don't have 'em, so we're drawn to 'em.

rico said...

Evolutionary psychology is no small hobby with me, and I could wax pedantic for pages on mammalian attractions to physical reproductive indicators. Instead I shall take this moment to close my eyes and meditate to the mantra, "boooooobs".

And you have seemed to always land girlfriends with world class racks. What's up with that?

Anonymous said...

First- that picuture- very disturbing.
And boobs are great. Most women enjoy their breasts. We cannot wait to get our first bras and are forever looking for the best way to showcase them. They are sex for you- for use the introduction to female allure.

I fall into the category of women with breast and hips. I did not have the natural body to be a serious swimmer- but I do have the body to be a serious sweater-wearer. And for better or worse, that has been a benefit.

You like 'em, we like 'em. What could be bad?

Stinkypaw said...

I was always "aware" of my breasts, and until I strted doing karate, "thought" I wanted them bigger. I then realised that they would be in the way, so I became happy with having a smaller chest. I'm still happy about that. Many women want bigger to please men. My dad used to say "Anything that doesn't fit in my hand or mouth is wasted!" I guess he had a point! ;-)

Anonymous said...

I've been smaller and I've been bigger (thanks J!) and I wish with all my heart I could have my B-Cs back again! I hate my Ds but guys seem to like 'em so who am I to quibble? But even when I was smaller, I never really craved big boobs. Oh, and for the record, freak that I am, they are totally non-sexual for me (always have been).