Sunday, September 04, 2005

Amphibious Reptiles Suck

My stepdaughter's dad gave her a turtle just before we moved to sunny Tampa. It's pretty big, as house turtles go, about 6" long, and typical of every captive turtle I've ever seen...perpetually pissed. It's in a little, 5 gallon aquarium, and spends the time it's not sleeping or eating in an all-out effort to burrow through the glass walls of it's prison. I intend to upgrade it to a 10 gallon tank, but I have no doubt that, given the opportunity, this little darling would kill us all in our sleep, and then go try to dig through the walls of the apartment. Where it thinks it can go is beyond me, but it wants out, and badly. Now I love animals, especially mammals with sweet dispositions, and I don't want this beast to suffer, but that being said I don't care for this creature. You can't play with it, it's about as affectionate as a rabid tasmanian devil with hemmoroids, and I constantly have to remind the young'n to feed it. She's named it Silly-Head. I call it Shell-Pig on a good day, Asshole whenever the kid's not home. And I'm the one who gets to clean its filter. The filter cartridge needs to be replaced monthly, and it's not a pretty thing. One good sized turtle generates a lot of slimy turtle-poo, and the guy who couldn't care less about turtles get the joyous task of de-sliming the tank. I'm beginning to understand why Godzilla was created before Gamera...turtles suck! (no offense, Steve)

What's my point? None, really. Just bitching. Carry on, nothing more to see here. I have to go get turtle shit out from under my fingernails.



Turtle said...

"turtles suck! (no offense, Steve)"

No offense?? What, you think uttering those two words together gives you free reign to rain on my parade? Do you think it is a license to insult without repercussion?

I really am not offended, as I know what a major pain in the tuchus it is to care for live turtles. Having been saddled with that particular moniker, I am well-versed in the care and feeding...

I am constantly "gifted" with all things turtle related, and, apparently, the stranger the better... I refuse, however, to accept live turtles as a gift. Not gonna do it. No, sir, wouldn't be prudent.

Anonymous said...

sounds like a brielle-named turtle hahaha

this is james btw