Thursday, December 06, 2007
Paging Darwinbot 2000
Greetings, fellow space travellers. Last August I told you about one contender for the Darwin Awards in Cincinnati who walked over two sets of railroad tracks while engrossed in text messaging. He missed the first train, but not the second. Today's cell phone moron comes to us from San Leandro, California. This time the candidate was talking on his phone and walked past a lowered crossing gate complete with flashing lights and on into eternity. I feel very sorry for his friends and family, and I earnestly hope that this, so far, unidentified gentleman had not yet passed his faulty DNA along. This helps to prove my axiom that any time an adult human is either hit by a train, or attacked by an alligator, 9 times out of 10 they had it coming.
As the cell phone related carnage increases, I begin to think that if there is a huge government conspiracy to cover up Alien presences on Earth it might not be such a bad thing after all. When I think about the two most revolutionary technological advances of the late 20th Century; personal computers and cell phones; and all the ways the vast idiocracy manages to use these boons for self-destruction, I shudder to think of what sorts of mayhem would ensue if we had anti-gravity boots, or matter transporters, or (shudder) holodecks. I can just see the lead story on CNN: The University of Florida is reeling today after five members of the Gabba Gabba Hey fraternity tried unsuccessfully to beam themselves into the Tri-Delta sorority's showers yesterday. City workers say it will take them several days to remove the bodies from the asphalt of the intersection of University and 13th, but fortunately their blood alcohol level was high enough that they should be well preserved during the excavation. It makes me wonder if there is a lab somewhere working on a cure for stupid. Of course, if one were found then the companies that make 'natural male enhancement' pills would have to destroy it.
Adios, mis amigos.