Why are a dead crack whore and a washed up mega-stripper news? Why do so-called respected news organizations such as CNN and Fox continue to bombard us with the train wreck that is Anna Nicole Smith, or the comic tragedy that is Brittney Spears? When Chris Farley died, even though I was never a fan, I understood why the nation mourned; he was a talented comic who brought joy to millions. When Robert Downey Jr. couldn't keep his demons at bay I understood the media attention; he is a gifted actor with a loyal following. But what was Anna Nicole Smith's talent? Anyone with a few grand can buy huge knockers. And it's no great feat for an attractive, voluptuous skank to woo and marry an octogenarian. So what about her life was so wonderful that we, as a nation, can't take our sick, sad eyes off of that stainless steel morgue door for thirty seconds? I certainly couldn't care less where they bury her heroin riddled, silicone filled Barbie-bones.
And as for the national pity party for poor little Brit, fuck that! Sure she was hot, but then again so are most of the women you can see for $4 in any mag behind the counter at Apu's Gas-n-Spank. When the musical giants of the late 20th century are counted, I rather doubt Ms. Spears will appear in that list, so who gives a shit if she 'couldn't handle her fame' and had a melt down. I am so sick of celebrities being treated like Faberge eggs when the excesses for which they ultimately become famous catch up to them. I shaved my head years ago, and have enough baggage in my addled pate to keep a squadron of therapists in caviar for years, but since I don't have a cute ass that I'll show off on MTV I have to deal with my issues by myself...which is exactly how it should be. If someone has a true talent, like Phil Hartman or River Phoenix, then let us mourn and sympathize. But when some freakazoid B-lister who is better suited for a carnival midway than Letterman's couch implodes, put it in the crawl at the bottom of the screen and then forget about it. That way I can too.