Monday, May 21, 2007

We take you now to the White House...

A dull, hollow thudding echoed down the hallway and reverberated about the oval room. Beads of sweat broke out upon the Shrub Prince's brow, for only one creature in the universe can turn the act of walking into a dread echo of the screams of the damned. The golem approached.

The door slammed open, its hinges nearly torn from the wall, as Cheney lurched into his 'boss's' office. Horribly, it's jaw dropped and a sound like Lucifer's septic system issued forth.

"Graaagh! Arrgh, bwarrk, fuckinpeanutfarmer...BRARRRRGH!!!!"

"What's that, Dickey? Timmy's in the well?"

"Narrrgh, idiot! Friggn Carterrrrrrrgh!" The golem screamed in frustration and rage. It raised one leaden arm and crushed one of the ornate chairs in the room. Dubya, being The Decider, dove for cover under his desk. Quickly he fumbled for his cell phone, managed to call two laundromats and a massage parlor before finally hitting on the right combination of numbers that connected him with the Royal Concubine.

"Condi, Dick's gone crazy again. Find an old man and a shotgun and get in here fast!"

But before she could arrive the turbulance from the golem's rampage caused a newspaper to fall from the desktop and open from the funny pages to the front page. For the first time since Freshmen Sociology the Shrub Prince read an actual headline. 'Jimmy Carter says Bush Administration Worst Foreign Policy in History'. Slowly realization sank into The Decider's tiny brain, and he stood up and showed the paper to Cheney.

"Is this what yer upset about?"

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!" The angered creature shrieked in affirmation and released the Secret Service agent he was about to tear in half.

"Now don't you worry 'bout this. Ole Georgie will take care of it." Dubya picked up the desk phone, dialed the White House mail room, then the kitchen, then finally got his secretary. "Mable, send up...what? Oh, sorry, Katherine, send in the court jester."

Soon, Tony the Snow-Job jingled into the room and read the headline.

"Tony, I want you to let the world know that even though this pisses me off to no end, it don't really matter to nobody. Kin ya do that?"

"But of course, my leige," Snow-Job fawned, his lips forming a rictus grin. "We'll just say that Carter is irrelevent, and count on the fact that no one will notice that just by saying it, we negate it."

"Grrrargh?" the golem asked.

"Um...yeah...right...uh...that is...whadya say?" Dubya cleverly answered.

"Worry not, dread Prince. Leave it all to me. The Royal Concubine has had a new shipment of puppies brought in for the golem, and your Archie comics have arrived, so why don't you both go down to the rumpus room and relax."

"Yeah, that Jughead. What a comedian. C'mon, Dick. I bet yer hungry."

"Fgrraaaagh, rrrrgh, puppies, mmmmrrrgh."



pikaresque said...

I just LOVE Jimmy Carter!
Love HIM!
Love HIM!
God Bless him for speaking his mind while he is alive and well!!!
Jimmy Carter has more brains in his
belly button lint than "the shrub prince".
GWB will never have the legacy of human compassion and brilliance that Jimmy Carter has!!!!
And I cant believe people are giving him Sh*t about "not saying anthing negative about a sitting President"!!
If that were true, in my opinion, what good could you say about him???
He was there for the Katrina victims?
He has done his best for Veterans Affairs?
He looks good all dressed up in a flight suit playing pretend on an air craft carrier???

I love Jimmy Carter.
He is a Knight to me!

Anonymous said...

I'm suspecting you have inside info - that scenario sounded so real and accurate! Have you wired the White House?????