Friday, January 09, 2009
I hate basketball. To be truthful I am apathetic toward most organized sports, but I quite actively hate basketball. I enjoy pro football, although I have serious professional objections to the amount of focus, both financial and emotional, placed on college football, but if forced to watch a college game I can still enjoy it. But I would rather slide naked down a fifty-foot razor blade into a vat of salt water than watch five minutes of basketball. When I turned twenty-something my grandmother sent me a Shaquille O'neil birthday card. When questioned about it she said that she thought he was someone famous that I would like. Most people would have laughed it off, but I was actually offended. This is not normal. Granted I don't usually sweat 'normal', but I have no idea where my antipathy toward this sport originates. I have never watched a basketball game. Nor have I been forced to participate against my will. I have been forced to attend a wrestling match, and play lacrosse and football by over-enthusiastic PE coaches, but I don't loathe any of those sports. Only basketball earns my hatred. I don't get it.
There are other things that guys are supposed to be into that I don't get. Cars, guns, wrestling with each other, baseball stats, competitive farting. Somewhere there must be a 'guy gene' that is recessive in me. That's not to say I'm totally pansified and give a damn about window treatments. I spent a great deal of time in my young adulthood wearing forty pounds of steel and leather and hitting people with sticks. After which we would laugh manfully and drink copious amounts of whatever alcoholic beverages we could get our hands on. I miss those days, and if I can get past all my excuses, most significant of which is dropping at least fifteen pounds, I intend to fight another day.
But I still hate basketball.