Wednesday, November 01, 2006

George W. Bush: Jedi Idiot II...The Emperor's Chambers

Our hero enters the cloying darkness of the Emperor's sanctum sanctorum and kneels before the great throne. Slowly the massive Armani chair swivels to reveal the shrivelled visage of Emperor Rove. Darth Goofus speaks.

"What is thy, um, I mean...uh...what'cha want?"

"Have you seen the recent polls, Darth Goofus?" Rove's voice creaks with the weight of decades of evil.

"I have, my mustard, uh, I mean master. They're pretty bad, huh?"

"Of course they're bad!! Now shut up and listen."

"Yes, my mustard."

"(sigh) You must go forth to the reddest places, and there ridicule our enemies. Dis them in public as if they were pledges at your frat house before the hazing bans. Use your Sith powers to make them feel as if they have just been pantsed in PE, and then tripped in the lunchroom."

"Heh, heh. I just did that to Scooter last week before his hearings. heh,heh."

"(groan) Yes, my foolish apprentice, I know all about that. You should not be attacking your own minions."

"Oh, sorry, mustard."

"Whatever. I will work the talk shows, while you work the morons who still think you know what you are doing. Together we must convince them that the polls are lies, and that Saddam was a far greater threat than Iran and North Korea combined."

"Is the Dark Side truly that powerful, man...um, I mean my mastard?"

"For our sakes we must hope so, foolish apprentice. Now go, and send in the attack droid, Cheney. We must get him on Face the Nation immediately."

"Yes, my muster."

8 comments:

pikaresque said...

Darth Goofus!
That's a classic!
...and from here on in
he shall be called...
Darth Goofus.

P

Anonymous said...

hahahahaha....I just love it! Darth Goofus it is!

Mayi

Anonymous said...

I wish the folks here would so the president more respect. The problem with you liberals is that you like to complain about things, but rarely do anything yourself. Unless of course you count picking up your welfare check once a month. Do you really thing a democratic president would have had the guts to invade Iraq? I think bush deserves a great deal of respect for leading us into battle against the enemy. You folks are going to be suprised next week when the Reps. keep both the house and senate. Don't worry though... with the wars on terror going, the administration won't have time to cut your precious welfare. Now in Jan of 09 when jeb takes over watch out! You might have to actually get a job!!

Turtle said...

Sweet heavens, Marius! Please tell me that the doltish prattle we've been enduring from this vacuous prat is merely the hijinks of one of your less than humorous friends. I'd hate to think that such cretinism is come by honestly, so to speak...

I know it is unseeming to speak ill of the feeble-minded, but what a phenomenal jackass!

But I suppose I should "so" more respect...

Marius said...

No, I think this is honest to goodness, home grown idiocy. And just for the record I have never taken one penny of welfare, nor have I ever gone more than two months without a job. And I deeply hope that next week we see a shift of power that makes both of our bought and paid for parties actually have to do some work other than blowing CEOs. As for 'soing' Darth Goofus some respect, when he actually does something respectable I will.

Anonymous said...

If you liberals are go smart then way can't you learn to vote. Had the "smart folks" in florida known how to work a voting machine then we would have a democrat in office (at least for four years). I guess it is easier to make fun of our leader than to actually make a difference yourself!

Marius said...

This is fun. I like to think that I am go(sic) smart that I successfully voted for Gore in 2000, and even though I was in Louisiana in 2004 I managed to vote for Kerry. I also try to make a difference by pointing out the mistakes, misdirections, and outright lies perpetrated by anyone in power. I am not a Democrat, nor a Republican, in fact I'd just as soon see both parties flushed out and we start over, but I also don't toe any party line. I think the war is a mistake, Cheney is a soulless sociopath, Rumsfeld is insane, and Bush is an idiot, but not because anyone from the DNC told me to think that way. I was actually impressed with Bush right after 9/11, but now he and his party have suckled at the teat of American fear for far too long, and I want a change. Iraq was never a threat to anyone in the US other than the Bush family's pride, and that is not worth over 2,000 American dead. As for domestic issues, getting people all fired up over non-issues like gay marriage, abortion, and flag burning so disgusts me that I would never vote for anyone stumping for them. And if you are so sheep-like that you just swallow what you are fed by your fearless leader just because he started a war, then I truly feel sorry for you.

Anonymous said...

Bush is the front man. While he is a good nan I think he depends alot on those areound him for advice. I thank the lord everyday for God fearing men like cheney and rumsfield. The hard work they do behind the scene nets them little praise. I think they sacrifice of themselves to make our county a better place. Even liberals like you should give them respect. Also why are you for "gay marriage". marriage is between one man and one women. Anything else is a sin.