Feline Intervention

This morning, unbeknownst to me, I rolled double zeroes and invoked the Psycho Kitten of Doom. I had foolishly thought that, since I didn't have to be anywhere today until waayyy past dawn, I could do a bit of sleeping. But I, in my foolish optimism, neglected to consider the 'kitten factor'. I have tried to use classical, operant conditioning techniques with Starbuck, i.e. not feeding him as soon as I get up, get home, or whatever. I did not wish to set up a behavioral link between any predictable action on my part, and feeding time. Oh, how foolish we mortals be. When I finally went to bed, around 1 am, I did not close the bedroom door since Starbuck tends to not start bugging me until after 6ish,which is actually sleeping in for me these days, but that was before I blew my saving throw.

4:45 am: A little furry buzzsaw perches upon my chest.

4:46 am: Said critter is gently expelled from the bed.

4:50 am: The unmistakable sound of 'stuff being messed with' permeates the darkened
bedchamber.

4:52 am: All attempts to ignore the beast fail, creature is less gently consigned
to the hallway.

5:00 am: Faint tappings, as of a kitten gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

5:03 am: A sound that could be a paw tugging at the underside of the door, or of
claws tearing at the carpet beneath the door. A decision is made to ignore
it.

5:10 am: Yup, the little fuzzy asshole is digging at the carpet. Dammit! Well, I
might as well get up since he's not letting me sleep anyway.

So I thought I would teach him a lesson that waking me up won't do any good. I make coffee, and check the email, and ignore both him, and his partner in crime, Artemis. Eventually they grow bored with pestering me directly, and instead opt for a rousing game of Trash The Apartment. Whoever created the myth of feline grace never actually lived with cats. The sound of two cats chasing each other through a fairly small apartment can be compared to the gentle murmur of a wrecking ball tearing down an accordion factory. Finally I cave, before every single object that sits atop anything else is on the floor, and they get their hard earned tuna. And now it's 6:33 am, and the two demons are being all cute, and adorable, and loving, thus insuring their continued survival.

There is a saying, popular amongst the bumper sticker crowd, that is very apt. In ancient Egypt cats were worshipped as gods...they have never forgotten this.

Marius the Awakened