Happy Rapacious Villain Day

Good morning, Gentle Readers. I was going to devote todays entry to a harrangue against the pretender we have venerated as the dicoverer of the America. I refer to that greedy bastard Christopher Columbus. You know, the guy who never actually set foot on the North American continent, but was instrumental in starting a process that resulted in the genocidal destruction of more than one indiginous peoples. And don't start with that 'if it wasn't for him, you wouldn't be here today' bullshit. Is there any one of us who is so important that the the natives of two continents had to be slaughtered and enslaved for centuries? Besides, Leif Erikkson, a viking explorer, discovered the actual North American continent 500 years before Columbus. The Vikings attempted to set up a permanent colony somewhere between Newfoundland and Cape Cod, but friction with the locals eventually caused them to abandon the post. (see, not all Vikings were conquerers)

I say I was going to harrangue, but in one of those cooincidences that just might get me believing in a higher power again I checked out Breakfast Of Champions, by Kurt Vonnegut, this weekend, and lo on page 10 is the following excerpt:

"...Teachers of children in the United States of America wrote this date on blackboards again and again, and asked the children to memorize it with pride and joy:
1492

The teachers told the children that this was when their continent was discovered by human beings. Actually, millions of human beings were already living full and imaginative lives on the continent in 1492. That was simply the year in which sea pirates began to cheat and rob and kill them. Here is another piece of evil nonsense which children were taught: that the sea pirates eventually created a government which became a beacon of freedom to human beings everywhere else."

These words were published in 1973, about the same time I was being taught that Columbus was a brave explorer who dared to think that world was round. This also is pure bullshit. The spherical nature of the planet was well accepted by the 1400's, in fact the Greek mathemetician Eratosthenes calculated the circumference of the Earth sometime between 276 BC and 194 BC. So there was no great bravery in Columbus' venture; no 'we will risk falling off the edge of the world for our Queen' crap. He was looking for gold. Nothing more, nothing less. And if a few savages had to die in the process, well they eat their own babies, don't they?

Many contend that since the indigenous peoples of the Americas tended to practice human sacrifice they needed killin'. In 1492 the Inquisition had been around for nearly 20 years, and Europeans had refined the killing, maiming, and torturing of each other to a fine art. So I don't buy that Europe was 'civilizing' the savages.

Another distinction is that in Europe the battles were usually between relatively evenly matched adversaries. Each side had roughly the same level of blood letting technology. Not so when they came to the Americas. Here is another quote from Breakfast of Champions:
"Here is how the pirates were able to take whatever they wanted from anybody else: they had the best boats in the world, and they were meaner than anybody else, and they had gunpowder...They touched this seemingly listless powder with fire, and it turned violently into gas. This gas blew projectiles out of metal tubes at terrific velocities. The projectiles cut through meat and bone very easily, so the pirates could wreck the wiring, or the bellows, or the plumbing of a stubborn human being even when he was far, far away.
The chief weapon of the sea pirates, however, was their capacity to astonish. Nobody else could believe, until it was much too late, how heartless and greedy they were."

So happy Columbus day, everyone.

Marius the Disgusted