Thursday, February 12, 2009

I've Been Interviewed

The lovely and talented Ms. flurrious has sent me some interview questions that I am to answer. And here they be:

1. I recently confessed elsewhere that I used to have a crush on Peter DeLuise of 21 Jump Street, despite the fact that also appearing on 21 Jump Street was Johnny Depp, about whom my reaction has always been: meh. So my question is, who is your most embarrassing celebrity crush and why did you like him or her? Please be excruciatingly specific. When I was twelve or thirteen I had a dream that I was married to Marie Osmond. That was the spark that ignited an all-consuming passion for the lady that lasted for at least a year or two. I carried a picture of her in my wallet, and never missed an episode of The Donny and Marie Show. I was sure she was singing to me, and even though she did not know me I knew that we were perfect for each other. It's a good thing there was no internet at the time so the extent of my stalking was to send her a fan letter that garnered no reply. Even today, when I see her on the tabloid or selling dolls on HSN I feel the faintest of wistful pangs in my gut.

2. You have six weeks to do with what you will. All of your work and family responsibilities will be handled by someone else (not me), and you have an unlimited expense account for your six-week break. The catch is that whatever you do, you have to do it by yourself -- no friends or family can accompany you. What will you do?I would spend a week in England, Egypt, and Greece, then two weeks diving the Great Barrier Reef, and finish up with a week in Vegas.

3. If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead, who would it be, what would you talk about, and what would you have for dinner? That's a toughie. Dinner itself would be steak with grilled mushrooms and onions, baked potatoes, steamed Brussels sprouts, and cheesecake for desert. As for who...I think William Shakespeare. I'd love to find out just how full of shit most Shakespearean scholars are when it comes to what he 'really' meant.

4. If you had it to do over again, would you choose the same career path? And do you see yourself in the same career forever, or do you have secret aspirations which you have never told anyone because you don't want them to laugh at you or tell you that you can't, and if so, would you please divulge your secret career aspirations now to the internet at large? Okay, thanks. I probably wouldn't change my career, but I might like to change the way I went about doing it. Like maybe getting my BFA in less than 8 years. As for super-secret aspirations, I'm afraid I'm not that interesting. I've always wanted to be a Marine Biologist, but I haven't the math skills.

5. I would like to poke [name of person other than me] in the eye, for the following reason(s):
Bill O'Reiley, because he's such a sanctimonious, self-righteous, hypocritical, ignorant spewer of half-truths and outright lies all wrapped up in the bogusness of "No Spin". At least Republitards like Hannity and Limbaugh don't pretend to be non-partisan. There's at least a little bit of honesty in them. Hey, can I use Anne Coulter to poke him?

And there you have it. Not very interesting, I'm afraid, but I'm pretty tired right now. If you want to put what you'd rather I said in that's cool. In fact, that would probably be a hell of a lot more entertaining. ;-)

Marius the Boring


flurrious said...

Okay, the Marie Osmond answer? Exceeded my expectations. Picture in your wallet! Also: !!! (At the same time, I saw Peter DeLuise on Friends a few years ago and felt sad about what could have been.)

I would like to poke O'Reilly in his other eye. While I usually enjoy others' lack of self-awareness, his just makes me mental. Although titling his book A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity (whatever) is kind of hilarious. When that title was announced, you could hear talk-show hosts falling to the ground and thanking God.

celebhith said...

Who'da thunk it? You and Marie Osmond!!!! I'm totally flummoxed! I'm stealing the questionnaire and sending it to my friends. . , they might be more inclined to answer in e-mails than on an internet site. Flurrious, have you got any more really good questionnaires (I'm so tired of 4 places you've worked, hugs or kisses, vanilla or chocolate, etc.)????

flurrious said...

I don't, celebhith, but you can always tweak the boring questions, like, "Hugs, kisses, or get dressed/get your money/go home?"