Irony from a Burning Shrub

Gather around, children, and Uncle Marius will a tale unfold whose lightest word would harrow up thy soul. Lo, those halcyon days of 2002 were innocent times; the Taliban had felt the wrath of a vengeful eagle, and the Shrub-prince seemed all but invincible. Then, thought he, I must wave my mighty Penis of Governance(tm) and smite the Bastard that took a shot at daddy. So he sent his advisors and sphinctor-mates far and wide with the battle cry, "bring unto me justification for a war!" And soon the village idiot, who claimed to know much, was brought before the Shrub-prince and whispered did he in the royal ear of weapons, numerous and cruel, that could reach across the vast desert, and ocean, and smite the people whom the Shrub-prince feined caring for. A few advisors cried 'falsehood! untruth! forgeries!' but they were silenced and their mates fed to the the dread demon Novak. Then did the Shrub-prince summon his Anglo-bitch, Sir Tony of Blair, and commanded him to speak of hideous weapons, ready to eat in 45 minutes. And did the Shrub-prince send forth his most revered(by the people) advisor, Sir Colin of Powell, to shake a vial of powder with great vehemence for as much as to terrify the people. And the three letters W, M, and D became a word of buzzing, and sabres were rattled, and plans were hastily drawn, and troops were sent.

Mighty were the battles, and plentiful was the expended ordinance. Many a hole was probed(no, we aren't at Abu Ghraib yet)and many a hovel was leveled, yet the fabled, and dread WMD remained elusive. Then the Shrub-prince consulted with the soulless golem, Cheney, and hatched a plan. Shrub donned the battle dress of a warrior, and rode a great bird to a floating steel island to declare the war was over! Victory was ours! Huzzah!!! And the people, tired of death and concerns beyond the sports page, bought it. For a time. But, alas, all good things must pass, and even the slowest of the people began to ask, 'if we won the war, why are our people still dying?' And the Shrub-prince heard these cries, and sent the golem to assure the people that the enemy were on the verge of defeat, the last throes of a vanquished foe. And yet why, wondered the people, are our warriors still dying?

The sands of time continued to fall, and at long last the Shrub-prince could no longer pretend that the Bastard had the fabled WMD. So the Shrub-prince consulted with the golem Cheney, and the insane tactician Donald of the Rumsfeld, whose taste for human flesh was only just contained, and hatched they a plan. The people are fools, reasoned they, with short memories. Let us un-buzz the WMD, and pretend we ne'er spake thereof. Instead we struggle 'gainst extremists, who threaten all 'neath God's great firmament. And thus did they attempt to unravel, and reweave the tapestry that is time.

And yet, the Shrub-prince finds he is less, and less beloved of the people, and as more American sons and daughters die for a lie, he decides to go on the offensive here at home. So today, in a disgusting display of political opportunism, our president used a Veteran's Day address to rail at his opponents about revising history to suit their needs. Here is a direct quote:

"When I made the decision to remove Saddam Hussein from power, Congress approved it with strong bipartisan support," Bush said in a Veterans Day speech at Tobyhanna Army Depot.

"While it's perfectly legitimate to criticize my decision or the conduct of the war, it is deeply irresponsible to rewrite the history of how that war began."

This ends our little fairy tale, with a liar accusing those who called him on it liars. The snake dines on its tail, and we are the ones who, in between funerals, must clean up the shit.