Thursday, August 11, 2011

Could You Choose?


This is an explanation of why there was no entry yesterday.

Imagine this scenario: You are in your 70's, you have been a heavy smoker all your life, and have had an aortic aneurism repaired a decade ago. You have tried to stop smoking, but every attempt has failed and you now have severe emphysema. While being checked for a lung infection it is discovered that you have a new aortic aneurism that could kill you at any time, plus there appear to be shadows on your lungs that are quite probably cancer. Your choices are:
1. Have the aneurism fixed, and die slowly over the next three years from the emphysema and/or cancer.

2. Do nothing, and know that most people with aneurisms like this last a year at the outside, but it could also go in the next thirty seconds, but when it does there will be no pain, just some dizziness and then unconsciousness.

Could you make that choice?

I just got home yesterday from visiting one of my oldest and dearest friends. She has been Mom to me since I was 16 years old. She has been my Dungeon Master, my counselor, my mentor, and my friend. She was one of the only people who could recognize when I was in trouble with the heat whilst fighting in tournaments, and was always there with a hug, a smile, and a gentle word of admonishment when necessary. I love her dearly, and fortunately she knows it. And the choice above is one she has had to make. She has chosen to let nature take its course, and will not have surgery. She has let everyone who is important to her know about the decision, and is making her peace with the world. The good part is she lives just far enough away that it needs to be an overnight visit, so I kept putting off going up, and this lit a fire under my ass. It was a very nice visit. My wife and I went, so she got to spend some time with Mom, and they talked pregnancy and children and such. We took her to breakfast, and though we did discuss her situation frankly and dispassionately, we didn't dwell on it. She is taking it as easy as she can, and we have promised to bring the baby up there for her to meet as soon as is possible, and then we came home. The odd thing was I didn't start to feel strange until about half way home. Last night I was glum, and irritable, but not in any 'God Damn You, Universe!' kind of way. I think it's more a 'helpless and useless' kind of way. I spoke with my brother last night and told him. He hasn't seen her in years and years, but he's actually the one who introduced me to her, and then we recorded a podcast, which always cheers me up.

Our time with anyone is always limited, but it's a very different feeling when you know just how limited the time with a specific person will be. And I can only imagine what she's going through, but this has also brought people back to her who might have waited too long and not had a chance to say 'I love you' one more time, and that has to be a good thing.

I'll be back with 30 days thing tomorrow. Now go give someone you've been taking for granted a big hug and tell them you love them.

Marius

7 comments:

ToxicDeath said...

WOW, what a thought and what a position to be in.
I lost my Mum in 2009 and had some regrets about her knowing how much I loved her as she was taken from us very suddenly but as she had been diagnosed with Leaukemia several years earlier I always tried to speak to her whenever I could and was lucky we always lived close.
It is difficult to reconcile yourself when things like this happen but as you state at the end there are some plus points to knowing when your time is up.

Janet said...

I'm glad you were able to spend some time with her. And I'm sorry this is happening. It sucks. I don't know if it's better to have a warning about these kinds of things or not. I wish you many more visits with your mom.

Stinkypaw said...

Sorry to read this and so sorry for your friend. It must not be an easy choice to make, but I think I would have made the same decision, at her age.

P.S. I really enjoy our 'blendship'! Hang in there my friend, Baby Girl will reconcile you with life, I'm pretty sure of that...xox

Rosebuckle said...

So sorry to hear about your friend. Unfortumately (or maybe fortunately) death is never easy to deal with. The Stinkypaw is right, the birth of your sweet little girl will reconnect you with the circle of life.

Anonymous said...

Everyone is going to die. That is a fact. Some of us just get a reminder that the day is coming sooner than most. My parents were killed in a plane crash. They were going on their happy way and everything was ended all at once.They had no warning.

My Mother in Law fought breast cancer. She had a very aggressive form that the doctors told her she would die from. They gave her two years, and she lived seven. Having lived through losing my parents in one fell swoop and then having my mother In Law have the opportunity to prepare for death. I'm still not certain which is better or worse. It is what it is. However, when you know your days are numbered fewer than most, you tend to live your life to the fullest and appreciate it more. My Mother In Law traveled. She went to Europe, Egypt and the Mediterranean. She even convinced my cheap ass Father In Law to appreciate life with her and to go on those trips with her. She LIVED her LIFE to the FULLEST. I pray your Mom can do so as well. Hell, for all we know, an asteroid could come and end it for all of us. Nobody truly knows what the future holds so make sure to live every day as if it is your last. Much Love,
Eileen

flurrious said...

I'm sorry about your friend. For what it's worth, I think she's made the absolute right choice. I've had to watch a person die from emphysema, and it is truly one of the slowest, most horrible ways a person can go. She will get to pass peacefully and that's a blessing for her, though of course those who love her will be heartbroken.

celebhith@bellsouth.net said...

Please, won't you give her my best? My prayers and love are with her. What a brave, dignified woman she is!