Thursday, March 30, 2006

Dammit!

BONES

(continuing)

Now, you open this one.

Kirk starts to obey.

KIRK

I'm almost afraid to. What is

it, Klingon aphrodisiacs?

BONES

No.

They drink. The package is opened: a pair of gold

"Ben Franklin" half-glasses. (N.B.: Romulan ale is

an INSTANT DRUNK: both men react.)

KIRK

Oh, Bones, this is... charming.

BONES

For most patients your age, I

usually recommend Retinax Five.

KIRK

I'm allergic to Retinax.

BONES

Exactly. Cheers! Happy birthday.

He toasts.

KIRK

(reacts)

Well, I don't know what to say -

BONES

Thank you.

An awkward silence.


Of all the scenes in Star Trek, this was the one I least wanted to recreate in real life. (well, ok, maybe the space hippies is really the top of the list...and then there is 'Brain and brain, what is brain?!' and then there is that whole transporter accident at the beginning of ST:TMP) Ok, so maybe it's not at the top of the list, but it's the most relevant today. I went to the eye doctor for only the second time in my life to be told that my eyes are perfect...except they don't work so well anymore. I need fucking glasses!!! Apparently as you get into your forties your lenses flatten and become less flexible, therefore making it harder to focus. My distance vision is so far unaffected, but up close I'm Mr.freaking Magoo. What forced me to get this looked into was my habit, always of the evening, of reading in bed. I like to read on my stomach, with the book propped against the headboard. Well, last night I could not get the book far enough away from my eyes without falling off the end of the damned bed! So today I got lights shone into, air puffed onto, and stinging drops dripped into my peepers, and the verdict is...you're old!

I know that those of you reading this who have worn glasses or contacts all your lives are probably doing that 'here is the world's smallest violin playing just for you' thing, and I suppose I don't blame you, but I am not the most perfect specimen of Homo Sapiens Sapiens, and I have always been proud and grateful for my slightly better than perfect eyesight. I think I can relate to how Kal-El feels when he uncovers those pesky glowing green rocks. And I know I'll get over this quite soon, but right now I'm going to wallow in my self pity, have another beer, and wait for the realization that I can still see in the dark better than most humans to bob to the surface again.

Myopically yours,
Marius

3 comments:

celebhith said...

Welcome to my world!

Hugs and kisses,
Puddy

Rosebuckle said...

Good luck to "getting used to them soon"! As someone else that also "used" to have better than average eyesight, all I can say is "I Hate My Glasses!" Over the past 10 years they've gone from an occassional use item, to bi-focals I can't live without. Ever try to read a book with bi-focals? You have about one square 3/16th" area to see through. Fortunately I can still read without them (as long as I don't need to look up!)
Good Luck!

pikaresque said...

WHaaaaaaah!
I've had mine since 2nd grade.
Use your other senses grasshopper.
:)
P