Thursday, December 08, 2005

The Joy Of Nog

Dear Friends, I want you to join me in a gustatory adventure I have waited 3 long years to undertake. There is a grocery store chain in Florida called Publix. They are, in my experience, one of the best chains in the country in regards to food quality, price, cleanliness, and customer service. Their store brand items are usually just as good as name brands, but once a year they carry an item so wonderous; so decadent; so mind-blowingly delicious that it makes me long for December all year round. Publix brand egg nog. Just saying it, as it rolls off the tongue, makes me feel all warm inside. Oh how I have longed for this miracle of liquid confection. I have tried other brands, since there isn't a Publix within 500 miles of Pineville, but none compare to this nectar. And now, it is time to break my nog-fast, and I want to share the moment with all of you.

The glass sits just to the right of the screen, glowing softly, its pale amber color beckoning. Tiny flecks of nutmeg hover motionless in the viscous goodness, just waiting to explode onto the pallette in a fusillade of flavor. At last, I can wait no longer. I lift the glass, it is cool and damp, and heavy, for this is no low-fat concoction. And now, finally, I drink...

Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found yoooooooooouuuuuuu!

It hasn't changed. It is sweet, and nutmeggy, and so delicious that I could easily down an entire half-gallon of it in one sitting. And it's even better with a bit of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum in it. In fact, hold on a moment will you?

Arrrrrr! That's some good nog, matey!

So run, don't walk, to your nearest Publix and get some of this liquid heaven. It may not be good for you, but if death tastes like this, get me to the undertaker.



jobprof said...

If you have "egg nog" like substances in the pubic region you need a doctor!!!

Turtle said...

Little known secret: The reason Publix store brand items are so good is because they are not actually "store brand". They hire out companies to make a lot of their things for them, and cut out a lot of associated costs, which enables them to sell the items cheaper. Publix bagels, for instance, are made by Lender's bagels, yet you pay much less for the same item.

Yes, Publix nog rocks. No, I don't know what company actually makes it.

heff said...

Publix nog truely does rock. It's equally wonderful with a splash of bourbon.

Thanks for the info, Turtle - that explains a lot. I've been drinking Publix-brand cream soda & root beer lately. Lemme tell you that both seriously rock. I bought some A&W cream soda on sale last week, and I was surprised that the Publix brand was tons better.

Anonymous said...

This read like an excerpt from "A Christmas Story." How unlike you! But what a pleasant surprise!