Sunday, January 31, 2010
Well, I think I've figured out at least part of what's been bugging me lately. 45. I remember, vaguely, turning 30. A lot of people freak out when they are about to turn 30, as if they will suddenly shrivel up and become elderly. I slid past 30 with nary a ripple(well, at least until I cut the end of my thumb off six days later, but that's another tale) and the rest of my fourth decade on Earth was not all that different from those that preceded it. Even turning 40 wasn't that bad, and I don't even remember it. But now I'm 45, and it's bugging the ever-loving shit out me. I'm too old to think I'm as young as I think I am, and every time I pass a mirror it shocks me. And I'm too young to think I'm as old as I sometimes feel...again that bastard mirror and I just aren't getting along. I've never exactly been a sex symbol, but the thought that my students think of me as a father figure, which was once a very wonderful thought, now just reminds me that though my wife has yet to kick me out of the bedroom, I am now firmly in the 'ewwww!' category when it comes to imagining the carnal side of things. I know that this will pass...I hope...but while I've joked about my age since my late twenties, this 45 business has thrown me for a loop.
Anyway, if I've been grumpy lately, I think that's why, and I apologize. I'll try to be more cheerful in the future. But until then, GET OFF MY LAWN!!
Marius the Ancient