Kirby on gay marriage: It's official - I don't care
Tribune Columnist
Article Launched: 10/24/2008 01:00:00 AM MDT
Robert Kirby
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Posted: 7:15 PM-
A couple of years ago, I wrote a column in which I announced my official position on gay marriage. Basically, I don't care.
Not only do I not care if gays get married, it is none of my business. As a flaming heterosexual, it's a full-time job for me just to keep my thoughts clean in church. I don't have the energy to fret about somebody else's libido.
The column must have resurfaced on the Internet. I'm getting mail again telling me what a failure I am as a Mormon because I'm not solidly behind Proposition 8. As I understand it, the California ballot item would prevent the domestication of homosexuals. Or something like that.
Here are just a few of the attempts to get me to see reason.
"Are you a member or not? Do you want gays to get married in the temple? Please follow the brotheren's [sic] council [sic] on Proposition 8. This is a important gospel principal [sic]." G., e-mail.
"No unclean thing can enter the house of the Lord. Gays are unclean because of the Scriptures. You have to be hot or cold about it or the Lord will spat you out." T., e-mail.
"Were you listening in church when the letter was read from the First Presidency about supporting proposition eight?" R.Y., e-mail.
"Get with Prop 8 or your [sic] a homo." Anonymous letter.
Hard as it is to counter such brilliant logic, my position hasn't changed. The only serious concern I have about gays getting married is that they'll register someplace pricey.
The church is serious about the sanctity of marriage. I get that. But aren't more potentially "dangerous" marriages already being performed out there?
For example, I hear in church all the time about marriage being ordained of God. But I also hear about how the glory of God is intelligence.
Shouldn't it be against the law for stupid people to get married? What's more harmful to society - two well-dressed men getting married and settling down, or two idiots tying the knot and cranking out any number of additional idiots?
You should have to pass a harder test to get married than the one we currently have. Essentially, there are but two questions: "How old are you?" and "Is that your sister?" Hell, you could pass this test just by guessing.
There are drawbacks. Most people get married when hormones and youth make them about as dumb as they'll ever be. So, even a relatively easy test would by default raise the age limit to about 40.
With an increased marriage age limit, there would be fewer births. Genealogy would become easier to do. With fewer births, there would be fewer children born gay. Hey, isn't that what Heavenly Father would want?
OK, I was just kidding about that. But if you're really serious about putting a stop to gay sex, let them get married.
rkirby@sltrib.com
6 comments:
I enjoyed that post - especially the "rational" behind it...and I just love his last phrase! Hee.
This guy is my new journalistic hero.
You should check out John Scalzi's blog. He has had several good discussions of this subject in the past couple of weeks.
Agrippina
Some of the brilliant logic in the mail he's been getting reminds me of my high school civics class when teams of two students would have to debate various issues. On the issue of whether gay people should be protected from discrimination in housing and employment (this was a long time ago; I am old), the argument given by the students opposed to non-discrimination laws was basically that they did not want to be at home or at work and have gay people come up and start kissing them. No matter what the other side said, they would then respond with a different situation in which gay people, if protected from discrimination, would walk up and start kissing them. Sometimes, they would accuse the team in favor of non-discrimination laws of wanting gay people to kiss them. Actually, I think one of those guys was gay, so that was probably an accurate, if not particular compelling, charge.
It's good to see the level of thinking on these matters has remained basically unchanged. Oh, wait. No, it's not.
More and more, I'm thinking starting our own country isn't such a bad idea!
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