Bree Sharp

  


A few years ago Bree Sharp had a big hit with the novelty song called David Duchovny, and then just as quickly disappeared from the Nation's radar. This is a huge shame, and I am now trying to rectify that. While David Duchovny is a fun song, her other works are very notable and fun. Check her out here, I promise you won't be disappointed.

Marius

Clever Lad

 


Here's a tale of a lad who grew weary of redundancy and did something about it. Read the whole tale here. 

Generation Landslide 2006

I found this on YouTube, and it's brilliant!



Here's what the creator says about it:
Added on April 08, 2006, 04:51 PM
by scotbot
This is a video I made by carefully editing about a dozen vintage toy commercials and military propaganda clips to match Alice Cooper's classic song, Generation This is a video I made by carefully editing about a dozen vintage toy commercials and military propaganda clips to match Alice Cooper's classic song, Generation Landslide.

Bang the drum loudly!

I know that the horse I'm about to whup up on is terminal, but this message must get out. The Republican party is in a tailspin, and the Democrats are still clueless. The the era of useless,partisan bickering could be brought to an end this November. Too many people ignore the mid-term elections, and focus solely on the Presidential campaigns. Yet we all know that the Electoral College effectively negates the 'one man, one vote' tenet. Not so for Congressional elections. State and local elections are the ones where your vote does count. And Congress is where the real power lies. Sure the President can push things through, but only if Congress allows it. Sure the President can veto bills he disapproves of, but Congress can negate that veto...if they work together. Our representatives should be just that...our representatives. This President has shown us one thing very clearly; that no President, once elected, needs to care one iota about what the people say or think. But Congresspersons, on the other hand, could be easily brought to task if enough Americans take off their blinders, get up off their couches, and vote!! And stop with the internet petitions. No one in Washington, or Tallahassee, or any state capitol, pays attention to the internet. It's just too easy to fake an internet personality. Sit down at your computer, or typewriter if you are that retro, and write actual ink and paper letters to your representatives and let them know how you think. They work for us, and it's high time they were reminded of that. Do your homework, research the local candidates, and vote based on issues, and not which animal is on their lapel pin. There is a statistic being bandied about lately, often accompanied by the wry chuckle of a morning show DJ, that says more Americans vote for American Idol then for President. I don't think that's funny. I think that's pathetic. This country is going to Hell in a handbasket, and it's the people who don't vote for Congress that are weaving it.

Please, vote. Encourage others to vote. Sure it takes a little bit of time out of your day, but if this is going to be a truly representative government, which it hasn't been for quite some time, we need to represent. We need to vote.

C'mon, Nelly, let's get some ice for those bruises.

Marius

Cute but Wierd

 


Many yarins ago, when I still had a full head of hair and knees that actually bent all the way, a young lady friend branded me with the appellation 'cute but wierd'. I don't know why that memory surfaced today, but it shall henceforth be the title of a recurring segment here at The Corner wherein I will share with you adorable, yet bizarre creatures from our wierd and wonderful planet. And so, without further ado, I give you...the pygmy marmoset. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, Miss Portman.

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Well?

  

Meet the Meat

This is a really groovy little film based on a Science Fiction short story. Enjoy.
Marius

Just a little taste of Colbert

The other day I raved about Stephen Colbert's speech at the White House Press Corp's dinner on Saturday last. Not only did he tear the president a new one right to his face, he also reamed the press for its collusion with the administration. Well, only four days later the press is finally saying something. Essentially they are saying 'We didn't report on this 'cause it wasn't funny.' Ha! And I say again, HA!!
Stephen Colbert is, without a doubt, the ballsiest man in the entertainment industry, and my hat's off to him. Here's just a little bit from the transcript of his speech:

I'm with the president, let history decide what did or did not happen. The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday, that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change, this man's beliefs never will. And as excited as I am to be here with the president, I am appalled to be surrounded by the liberal media that is destroying America, with the exception of Fox News.
Fox News gives you both sides of every story, the President's side and the Vice President's side.
But the rest of you, what are you thinking, reporting on N.S.A. wiretapping or secret prisons in Eastern Europe? Those things are secret for a very important reason, they're superdepressing.
And if that's your goal, well, misery accomplished. Over the last five years you people were so good over tax cuts, W.M.D. intelligence, the affect of global warming. We Americans didn't want to know, and you had the courtesy not to try to find out. Those were good times, as far as we knew. But, listen, let's review the rules. Here's how it works. The President makes decisions, he's the decider. The Press Secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home. Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration. You know, fiction.

Jon Stewart may still be the big daddy, but little Stephen scored a major touchdown.

And there was much rejoicing.

Marius

May Day! May Day!

Red alert! Arm all phasers, load forward torpedo bays! Shields up, we're going in!!!

Hee hee, I just love saying that.

On to some of the more ridiculous things I've heard lately. First and foremost, The Vatican is calling for a boycott of The DaVinci Code which opens on May 19th. They have been bitching about this story ever since the book was a big hit a couple of years ago, but here's the silly part. IT'S A NOVEL!! The book's author, Dan Brown, has made no attempt to deny that it is a work of fiction, but the Church(tm) keeps insisting that the claims that Jesus and Mary Magdalene were married and had children, and that the Church(tm), along with the fanatical sect Opus Dei covered up the fact, are slanderous and false. Hmm, to paraphrase the Bard, the clergy doth protest too much, me thinks. Interestingly enough, Opus Dei has actually figured out that the more noise you make about a movie, the more people will want to see it, and has therefore remained silent.

In other news, Stephen Colbert hosted the White House Press Corp. dinner this weekend. In his guise as an ultra-conservative Bush supporter he tore the administration a new one right to their faces. It was brilliant! You can see it here. Stephen Colbert Speech

And finally, South Korea has pulled into the lead in the crucial robotic dog market, filling the void left when Sony discontinued the impressively irrelevant Aibo with a new dogbot called Genibo. This barkdroid can recognize voice commands, and has a camera in its nose that allows it to act as a surveillance unit. Finally, a droid with Seoul.

hee hee

Love ya's,
Marius

Eject! Eject! Eject!

It is official: we are getting out of the hellhole in the hood. Two days ago we signed the papers on a small duplex rental in a nice, quiet suburban neighborhood. It's really small, only 2/1, but we won't have to worry about being knifed on our way to the mailbox, or being awakened at 2am by the Jerry Springer episode happening in the adjacent building's parking lot, complete with bass booming from a tricked out Caddy that's loud enough to interfere with submarine navigation in the frikken Pacific! We will use the next, and hopefully last, year of renting to save up for the down payment on a house of our own this time next year.

And, in a more personal and narcissitic note, I am now the answer to life, the universe, and everything. :-)

Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday to me
Happy birthday, dear Marius
Happy birthday to me.

And wow, I totally missed my one year blogging anniversary earlier this month.

Happy blogday to me
Happy blogday to me
Happy...

sorry.

:-)

Oh, and one more thing. If you have heard about the Star Spangled Banner being recorded in Spanish, here's my take on it. When I first heard about it I was not in favor of it. "Damn thing should be sung in English" quoth my inner Archie. But then I heard some snippets of it on the radio, and I actually like it. I still haven't heard the whole thing, but what could be more American than adding the National Anthem to the melting pot? Think about it; the first inhabitants of this land did not speak English. The first non-natives to come here were Vikings. Then Italians. Then Spaniards. And finally English folks. Yes, the 'official' language of the US is English, but where's the harm in celebrating our polyglot past by transcribing the most recognizable song in the country into any of the other languages spoken here? I'd love to hear it in French, Creole, Portuguese, Russian, German, Finnish, hell even Klingon or Pig Latin. We are a patchwork nation, and to try to deny or ignore that fact is just plain bigotry. So bueno suerte to all who would exercise their First Amendment right to mess with whatever song they wish...just please don't try another cover of Stairway to Heaven. That would be blasphemy.

;-)

Cats are Whores

So, when you get up in the morning, or get home from work, they're all lovey, and sweet, and 'Master loves Larry. Master feeds Larry!' So you aquiesce to their sweet, plaintive cries and big eyes. But as soon as the feline tummy is full, and you try to get some well deserved gratitude for having opposable thumbs and access to the silverware drawer it's, 'I'm sorry, peasant, do I know you?'

Just sayin. ;-)
Marius

Gay Marriage: Part II

I have posted numerous things that I consider inflammatory here at The Corner in the past, but it wasn't until I used the two words 'gay' and 'marriage' in the title that I got this comment:

wow that is really sad and that is horrible maybe when you get some proof for every one of your stupid reasons i won't think your a piece of crap

At first I deleted it, since it is obviously not from a regular reader of my little piece of the internet, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was a missed opportunity. Let us analyze this bit of worldly wisdom, shall we?

First of all we see that on a grammatical level this is somewhere around the third or fourth grade level. Capitalization and punctuation are non-existent, and the misuse of the word 'your', which is the possessive form of you, in place of the contraction 'you're', which means you are, indicate either less than average intelligence, or that the person feels that the substance of the argument is strong enough that the vehicle conveying said thesis is irrelevant.

Next let us look at said substance. This person feels that my stance on gay marriage is 'sad' and 'horrible'. Sad I will accept as an appropriate response, but 'horrible'? Dictionary.com defines horror as 'An intense, painful feeling of repugnance and fear'. Does this person really find my not having a problem with gay marriage that distressing? Wow! I'm more powerful than I thought. Next he(I am assuming the poster is male, both due to the tone of the missive, and for ease of pronoun use)postulates that the reasons are both stupid, and mine. While I agree with the list, else I would not have posted it, I clearly state at the beginning of the post that I did not write it, though I wish I had. As for the stupid part, well, I will let the irony of that pronouncement speak for itself.

Lastly the commentator assumes, erroneously, that I care what he thinks of me. I love to debate contentious issues, but unless you are someone I know, and care about, I couldn't care less if you think me a 'piece of crap'. I think every one of the points listed in my previous post proves itself, so if you wish to refute them with something more than a barely intelligible string of insulting idiocies, I will happily join the fray. If all you have to say is 'you're stupid' then please don't waste my time, or yours.

Have a nice day.
Marius

Gay Marriage

This was sent to my by one of my MySpace friends.

10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong:

1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

(one of the saddest parts about our society is that these arguments, before the humorous common sense, are the real reasons why people can't accept gay marriages.)

Hillarious Web Site

Y'all have got to check out Alien Loves Predator. This is some f@#&ed up sh@t!!

http://alienlovespredator.com/index.php

What?!

  

No Statistically Significant Child Left Behind

Dammit! Dubya seems to be the Anti-Midas. Everything he touches turns to crap. Apparently there is a big loophole in his misbegotten No Child Left Behind program that allow schools to disregard minority scores if there are less than a 'statistically significant' number of them. For those of you unfamiliar with this plan, all children in the US in third grade and higher are now tested annually on their reading and math skills. All grades are reported, and the school's overall grade determines such things as further funding, and whether administrators get to keep their jobs. In theory this is too ensure that all schools provide quality education...in fact it just means that teachers now waste a good part of the school year teaching kids how to pass these tests. But now it appears that there is yet another problem. The grades are also broken down by race, poverty, migrant status, English proficiency and special education. But if such groups are not statistically significant, i.e. too few in number, schools are allowed to omit their scores in order to preserve their anonymity. However, statistically significant means different things to different people. In Tennessee, if there are 45 or fewer students of a given minority at a school, their grades are disregarded. More than 20 states have asked for larger and larger exemptions, some disregarding groups as large as fifty students! While I'm sure that there are a very few schools where this means a handful of white kids' grades are thrown out, the vast majority of the ignored are Black, or Hispanic, or Asian, or Native American. The Associated Press estimates that 1.9 million students across the country are having their grades ignored, and very few of these are white students.

Now I'll be the first to admit that the American educational system is more screwed up than Keith Richards at Mardi Gras, but No Child Left Behind isn't the fix it needs. What it needs is better teacher training and pay, smaller class sizes, and more parental involvement. Stop wasting everyone's time with standardized tests that prove nothing other than that schools can teach a test, and give educators the resources to educate. Our elementary school teachers are some of the most overworked, underpaid, and abused people in our country, and rather than foisting on them some useless test with a federally approved catch phrase attached to it, how about we funnel some of the money going to tear up the Arctic, or various Middle Eastern countries, to the schools,and truly leave no child behind.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. :-)
Marius


source: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060418/ap_on_go_ot/no_child_loophole

Felis Librum

  

In Your Easter Bonnet, Rummy!

Oh, sweet mystery of life, at last I've found you!!!! Several retired generals, no longer under the fear of reprisals, have recently spoken quite candidly about our dear, beloved, bat-shit crazy Secretary of Defense. Pray, attend:

"We went to war with a flawed plan that didn't account for the hard work to build the peace after we took down the regime. We also served under a secretary of defense who didn't understand leadership, who was abusive, who was arrogant, who didn't build a strong team." Retired Army Maj. Gen. John Batiste.

"We grow up in a culture where accountability, learning to accept responsibility, admitting mistakes and learning from them was critical to us. When we don't see that happening it worries us. Poor military judgment has been used throughout this mission." Retired Marine Gen. Anthony Zinni, former chief of U.S. Central Command."

"My sincere view is that the commitment of our forces to this fight was done with a casualness and swagger that are the special province of those who have never had to execute these missions or bury the results." Retired Marine Lt. Gen. Gregory Newbold.


"I really believe that we need a new secretary of defense because Secretary Rumsfeld carries way too much baggage with him. ... I think we need senior military leaders who understand the principles of war and apply them ruthlessly, and when the time comes, they need to call it like it is." Retired Army Maj. Gen. Charles Swannack.


"They only need the military advice when it satisfies their agenda. I think that's a mistake, and that's why I think he should resign." Retired Army Maj. Gen. John Riggs.


"He has shown himself incompetent strategically, operationally and tactically, and is far more than anyone responsible for what has happened to our important mission in Iraq. ... Mr. Rumsfeld must step down." Retired Army Maj. Gen. Paul Eaton.

Of course Dubya disagrees. "Secretary Rumsfeld's energetic and steady leadership is exactly what is needed at this critical period. He has my full support and deepest appreciation," But, to paraphrase Jon Stewart, given this administration's tendency to reward incompetence with higher offices, Rumsfeld could walk into a cabinet meeting, fling his own feces around the room, and Bush would name a state after him. Rumsfeld himself has said,"Out of thousands and thousands of admirals and generals, if every time two or three people disagreed we changed the secretary of defense of the United States it would be like a merry-go-round,". Let me point out something here. These quotes come from six generals whose ranks range from two to four stars. These are not two or three people disagreeing. Rumsfeld is an incompetent, dangerous, borderline insane dictator wannabe who needs to be retired now before he gets more of our people killed unnecessarily. I've been saying this for years, but I'm nobody. Here are six significant 'somebodys' who, at least in part, seem to agree. Now that's a wonderful egg to find.

Happy Easter!
Marius


source: AP via Yahoo News

Relay for Life

My Friends,
A very dear friend of mine (some of you know her too) is raising money for the American Cancer Society. Her goal is modest, but very important, so if you can, please go to this site and help.

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=137729&lis=1&kntae137729=
D9AFD92EFDF94AFC8FC6D0DCDE689D05&supId=124972933

If you are one of the lucky few who has not lost a loved one to this horrible class of diseases, count your blessings and give a few dollars. If, like me, you have seen the ravages of cancer first hand, give a few more. Every little bit helps.

With lots of love,
Marius

Vote Now!!

Not too long ago I told you, dear ones, about Rocketboom.com. It is a video blog, or vlog, that has taken the internet, and yours truly, by storm. Well, the internet has its own version of the Oscars called The Webbys. RB is nominated for 2 Webbys, and if you think about the millions, if not billions of web sites out there it is quite an honor. I voted for them, and for a few other sites I am fond of that are also nominated. So if you are weary of the Sisyphusian struggle with current events of great import, take a break from the vital and give a bit of your support to some folks who work hard to keep us informed, and entertained.

peoplesvoice.webbyawards.com

Thanks. :-)

Marius

What Muppet are You?

You Are Dr. Bunsen Honeydew

You take the title "mad scientist" to the extreme -with very scary things coming out of your lab. And you've invented some pretty cool things, from a banana sharpener to a robot politician. But while you're busy turning gold into cottage cheese, you need to watch out for poor little Beaker! "Oh, that's very naughty, Beaker! Now you eat these paper clips this minute."

The Muppet Personality Test

Ouch!!

  

Credit: Roberto Macchiarelli, Université de Poitiers


If you think going to the dentist is an exercise in agony, you ain't heard nothing yet. Anthropologists digging in a neolithic cemetary in Pakistan have found evidence that Stone Age 'dentists' used flint tipped drills to relieve pain in people's teeth. Several examples, from 7 different bodies, showed evidence of holes drilled in infected molars. The holes all were worn, indicating that they were made before the patient died. The investigators recreated the flint drill(see pic) and found that they could make similar holes in teeth in about a minute. Doesn't sound like much time, but take a clothespin and put it on your lip and leave it there for a minute. Now imagine that you are a prehistoric person with a terrible absess, and nothing, not even whiskey, to dull the pain. The local shaman tells you to lie down, open your mouth, and then proceeds to grind a hole in your aching tooth with a rock on a stick! It makes me cringe just thinking about it.

So the next time you feel the urge to complain about that 'painful' novocain needle, just thank your lucky stars that you weren't born 8,000 years ago.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to floss...for the next hour or so.

Marius

Justice DeLayed

Poor Tom is daid, poor Tom D. is daid...politically anyway. Remember that grinning, arrogant mug shot of former Republican majority leader Tom DeLay, and his stalwart vow to be back to work in no time? DeLay left Congress a few months ago, supposedly on a temporary absence, after an indictment in Texas for illegal campaign finance practices that he claimed was false. Then Jack Abramoff, the Boris Badanov look-alike who has most of Capitol Hill scrambling to find alibis, went down faster than Courtney love at a heroin club, and suddenly our over confident hero isn't so sure. The Republicans announced today that DeLay will be leaving his post this Spring, and settling down in Virginia.

"He has served our nation with integrity and honor." Thus spake current Majority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio. Hmm, an interesting epitaph to a career that ends suddenly with litigation and scandal. Where is that grinning, cocksure boy we all loved oh so long ago?

Democrats, for once, were quick to act on this.
"DeLay's decision to leave Congress is just the latest piece of evidence that the Republican Party is a party in disarray, a party out of ideas and out of energy," said Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee spokesman Bill Burton.

While I am loving every moment of watching the Republicans feed scapegoat after scapegoat into the wood-chipper of history, I fear that the Democrats lack the strong leadership and vision to take advantage of the missteps of the blue-bloods in charge of D.C. For once I cannot tell what direction this will all go. The Bush administration is coming apart at the seams, but the Republican party, in the only truly definitive action being taken, is very quickly distancing themselves from Dubya and his elitist, government bloating, caged bird shooting cronies. Democrats, on the other hand, just seem to be pointing their fingers and, Nelson like, going "Ha,ha!" If ever there was a time for a strong third party candidate it is now. The elephant is exhausted, and the donkey is leaderless. We have now been through 3 1/2 presidential terms where all that really happened was constant, escalating partisan slap fighting. Congress has become more and more about stopping 'them', and less and less about leading the country. This must stop now!! We are supposed to be a country of the people, by the people, and for the people, not of the Party, by the Party, and for the Party. I am sure that most of you who read this don't miss a chance to vote, but we must encourage all people to give voice to their dissatisfaction. Republican, Democrat, Green, Independent, or whatever party affiliation you have, or don't have, get out there to the polls and vote in anger. Complacency is killing this country. The extremists on both sides are yelling so loud that the vast majority of people who are in the middle are being drowned out in the cacophony. It's time we took our country back from the CEO's and career politicians. Government should be about us, not about itself, and it's high time we took the government back. So the next time you hear someone complain that their one vote doesn't matter, don't quote some trite 'people died for your right to vote' claptrap. That doesn't work any more than 'there are people starving in India' will get your kid to eat her spinach. Point out that all that tax money they give up every month is going to feed these bloated ticks in Washington, and if they want to keep shoveling their hard earned shekels into the maw of political ambition, then just go ahead and stay home on election day.

And if that doesn't work, kick 'em in the groin.

Marius

Mea Culpa

Ok, most of you know by now that I am not going to Alaska. It was an April fool's joke. I put the 'April Fool' on the comment page, but not everyone looked there. So, if I you think it was a splendid jape, thanks for playing. If, on the other hand, you want to nad me just for the principal of the thing(Tink), I apolgize. ;-)

And while I'm fessing up and grovelling here, I'd like to say I'm sorry for whining about the whole needing glasses thing. I'm getting over it, but it really did bum me out for a couple of days, which is a lot longer than things usually get to me. And if any of you had the misfortune to actually speak to me this weekend...sorry.

On a happier note, for any Dr. Who fans out there, the new series on the Sci-Fi channel is a lot of fun. The new Doctor(Christopher Eccleston) took me a little while to warm up to, being a die-hard Tom Baker fan, but his portrayal of the homeless Time Lord has just the right balance of child-like wonder, childish mischief, and absolute seriousness that the character needs. And his new sidekick, Rose(Billie Piper)is clever, witty, and not the least bit subservient to the Doctor. She's also drop dead gorgeous, but then who isn't in television?

Ok, that's all for now. Ta ta. Don't forget to tip your waitperson. :-)

Marius

Take Off, To The Great White North.

Well, folks, this is it. Many of you know that science has always been a fascination, and sort of hobby of mine, and I'm finally going to get to do something with it. The University of Alaska campus at Ketchikan (http://www.ketch.alaska.edu/) has offered me a job as the director of their theatre program, plus a part time position as field assistant on their Minke Whale study project. Mrs. Marius will be working in the local elementary school as the Drama teacher. Most of the students are Inuit or Kanatak, with a smattering of children belonging to the multi-national scientists and faculty of the university, so the young'n will get to learn about all kinds of stuff she would never otherwise see. I am totally psyched about this, if a bit nervous. Not to mention our aversion to the cold, but this is just too groovy an opportunity to pass up. I'll post more details as I get them, but we will be looking to move sometime this Summer. Who knows, maybe soon I'll have pictures of Starbuck chasing off caribou or something. ;-)

Frigidly yours,
Marius

There's Always Something Cleverer Than Yourself.

I found this Aussie tale on the Sydney Morning Herald, via boingboing.com.

Cranky koala meaner than stolen croc

By Jano Gibson
March 29, 2006

A cranky koala achieved what an angry croc couldn't - it beat off thieves.

The bizarre incident began when Rockhampton police in Queensland received a tip-off that someone had a crocodile in their possession.

"The police came to the zoo, checked out our exhibit and we were down a female freshwater crocodile,'' said Tom Wyatt at Rockhampton City Council.

The 1.2 metre crocodile - known simply as "the girl freshie" - was dragged by thieves over a 2.4 metre fence in the middle of the night.

"Can you imagine these people struggling over a 2.4 metre security fence with a writhing wild reptile?" he said.

"It's not a baby you are holding in your arms here. We are talking about 40 kilograms and 1.2 metres of absolute fury."

"They are not man-eaters [like salt water crocodiles]. But they can still give you a nasty bite."

The thieves originally planned to take one of the zoo's koalas and only changed tack after it proved too vicious, 21-year-old zookeeper Wil Kemp told smh.com.au.

He had been told by police that four people were involved in the wildlife heist, which allegedly involved stealing a koala and swapping it for drugs.

"The original plan was to steal a koala - that's what they were going to use to swap [for] the drugs,'' Mr Kemp said.

"[But] apparently [the koala] scratched the shit out of them.''

"The blokes have quite a lot of scratches and lacerations caused by the koala.''

The thieves then decided to take a crocodile instead.

"I don't know what makes someone go, 'Oh we tried to steal a koala and that didn't work so lets go and steal a croc.' "

"The people who did it must have been quite stupid. It's the last thing I wound have thought a member of the general public would try to steal for drugs."

Mr Kemp said the meat and skin of a freshwater crocodile were worthless, but the stolen reptile might be sold in the pet trade for about $600.


Just remember, kids, drugs are bad, m'kay. ;-)
Marius

Dammit!

BONES

(continuing)

Now, you open this one.

Kirk starts to obey.

KIRK

I'm almost afraid to. What is

it, Klingon aphrodisiacs?

BONES

No.

They drink. The package is opened: a pair of gold

"Ben Franklin" half-glasses. (N.B.: Romulan ale is

an INSTANT DRUNK: both men react.)

KIRK

Oh, Bones, this is... charming.

BONES

For most patients your age, I

usually recommend Retinax Five.

KIRK

I'm allergic to Retinax.

BONES

Exactly. Cheers! Happy birthday.

He toasts.

KIRK

(reacts)

Well, I don't know what to say -

BONES

Thank you.

An awkward silence.

Of all the scenes in Star Trek, this was the one I least wanted to recreate in real life. (well, ok, maybe the space hippies is really the top of the list...and then there is 'Brain and brain, what is brain?!' and then there is that whole transporter accident at the beginning of ST:TMP) Ok, so maybe it's not at the top of the list, but it's the most relevant today. I went to the eye doctor for only the second time in my life to be told that my eyes are perfect...except they don't work so well anymore. I need fucking glasses!!! Apparently as you get into your forties your lenses flatten and become less flexible, therefore making it harder to focus. My distance vision is so far unaffected, but up close I'm Mr.freaking Magoo. What forced me to get this looked into was my habit, always of the evening, of reading in bed. I like to read on my stomach, with the book propped against the headboard. Well, last night I could not get the book far enough away from my eyes without falling off the end of the damned bed! So today I got lights shone into, air puffed onto, and stinging drops dripped into my peepers, and the verdict is...you're old!

I know that those of you reading this who have worn glasses or contacts all your lives are probably doing that 'here is the world's smallest violin playing just for you' thing, and I suppose I don't blame you, but I am not the most perfect specimen of Homo Sapiens Sapiens, and I have always been proud and grateful for my slightly better than perfect eyesight. I think I can relate to how Kal-El feels when he uncovers those pesky glowing green rocks. And I know I'll get over this quite soon, but right now I'm going to wallow in my self pity, have another beer, and wait for the realization that I can still see in the dark better than most humans to bob to the surface again.

Myopically yours,
Marius

This is just too wonderful.

This is from USATODAY.com


Christian group backs off case against blog parody
By Jon Swartz, USA TODAY
SAN FRANCISCO — A Christian group that promotes heterosexuality Thursday quietly dropped its beef against a blogger who poked fun at it.
Exodus International initially claimed the altered image of one of its billboards by Justin Watt infringed its copyright. But Exodus is no longer pursuing the matter after Watt stopped using its "watermark" logo, Exodus President Alan Chambers said.

Watt, operator of the Justinsomnia blog, says he exercised free speech when he parodied the Exodus billboard, which says, "Gay? Unhappy? www.exodus.to." Wyatt re-created the billboard on his site so it read, "Straight? Unhappy? www.gay.com."

(Exodus uses ".to" as its domain suffix because ".com" was not available.)

Watt, 26, a Web developer in Northern California who enlisted the aid of the American Civil Liberties Union and high-powered law firm Fenwick & West, has posted his blog for four years. He posted the parody Sept. 19 because he found Exodus' message "offensive." A lawyer representing Exodus sent Watt a cease-and-desist letter on March 2.

The dust-up has made Watt a cause célèbre among bloggers. More than 40 other websites now carry the spoof.

Had the dispute escalated, it would have extended the debate over fair use of copyrighted material beyond print and electronic media and to blogs, says copyright attorney Tom Zellerbach.

Companies frequently ask websites to remove images and text out of concern they infringe copyrighted material. But high-profile cases involving bloggers have been rare, Zellerbach and other lawyers say.

The incident gained attention because Watt understood his rights and contacted an attorney, said ACLU lawyer Ann Brick, who represented him. "We don't know how often people get cease-and-desist letters and pull material without knowing their rights," she said.

"Just as the First Amendment allows Exodus to post its billboard, it gives Justin the right to post a parody," Brick said.

A Tale of P's and V's

So I have renamed Starbuck. Henceforth he shall be referred to as PV, or pesky varmint. He has hit his 'teen' period and is doing his level best to make sure that no one wastes any of that lovely darkness by sleeping. Nor is he to fail in his mission to make sure that everything that can be on the floor, will be on the floor. He has also gone from silent mewing, where he would open his mouth as if to speak but no sound would come out, to a nearly constant litany of under-his-breath feline muttering whenever he gets told no. It's actually quite funny when I shoo him out of a cupboard, or off of the turtle tank, and he walks away going 'mewp...squeak, squeak...turns and looks at me...meeeeewwp!' Artemis is feeling much better since she's been on the anti-biotics, although we will both be very happy when the pills are gone. She even chased the lazer this morning while I was trying to distract PV from more dining room demolishion. It was totally worth giving up the war to get a happier kitty.

Our human varmint is on her Spring Break this week, and is spending it with her grandparents, so Mrs. Marius and I went to the movies the other night. We saw V for Vendetta. Now, I must give some background history here. Given my entertainment proclivities, and my circle of friends, one would imagine that I am a big comic book fan. Alas, 'tis not so. In fact there are more words in todays blog than there are comic books I have read. I just never got into them. This did not really matter much to me until recently when the X-Men movies came out. Die hard fans of the comics were sorely diappointed in the films, but since I had no preconceptions I loved them. The same can be said for V for Vendetta. I never read the graphic novel(as comics are now wont to be called)and I understand the author is displeased with the final film, but we loved it! It takes place in a totalitarian England of the not-too-distant future where an American civil war, and further Middle Eastern aggression have allowed a dictator who promises security over freedom to come to power. What follows is a rather elaborate story of a young girl, Natalie Portman shining as I have never seen her do before, who is in the wrong place at the wrong time, as she gets accidentally caught up in the machinations of a mysterious, masked vigillante called V. It is V's intention to bring down the Hitler-esque regime, and restore freedom to the Motherland. Hugo Weaving(Agent Smith, Elrond) plays V, and though we never really see his face, his nearly Shakespearean dialogue, and hermit/nerd cum superhero performance endear him to the viewer even as he wreaks a terrible revenge on those who stole his...well, let me not spoil anything. I highly recommend this flick, and will wait anxiously for the DVD.

So go forth, gentle readers, get some of that Spring air into your lungs, pet a cat, and get thee to the multiplex.

Here endeth the lesson.

Marius

Makes You Think

I didn't write this, but it definately bears sharing.
Marius




I AM ARE YOU



I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I
wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn?t have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

repost this if you belive homophobia is wrong

I Am the man who cry's for all the people above me
Because i do not Judge them and thay are all peacefull
people made by the real GOD that love's them all....

GOD LOVE ALL HE MADE ALL SO STOP THINKING THAT YOU KNOW WHAT GOD WANT'S AND LET PEOPLE LIVE....

WTF?!

The next time you feel oppressed because no one agrees with your peanut butter and banana sandwiches, or pineapple on your pizza, or collection of Milli Vanilli and Vanilla Ice CD's, keep this in mind. More than 50,000 people turned out for Slobodon Milosovic's funeral. More than 50,000 people will miss someone who history will probably place in the top 5 mass murdering despots of all time. So whenever someone gives you crap about your Vulcan Science Academy bumper sticker, just tell them, 'Hey, at least I didn't go to Slobo's funeral.'

I just don't understand my species sometimes.

Marius

Whence Comes Bigotry

I'm hoping that by exposing this demon, I can exorcise it. I am, apparantly, a racist. This is a difficult thing for me to acknowledge. My maternal grandmother was a bigot, though she would deny it vehemently, and her attitude towards minorities was a major factor in our estrangement during the last decade of her life. She would often start a conversation with, "Now I'm not a racist, but..." and then say some horrible thing about 'blacks(must be whispered lest any of them hear), or Puerto Ricans(again, spoken like it was the height of blasphemy)'. As a child I never noticed, but as I grew older I came to tolerate it less and less, and would call her on it, as if I could change her mind on such things. I know, now, how futile that was, and I regret the distance we had at the end. But today, however, I am forced to realize that self-same trait in my own personality, albeit less obviously manifest. Allow me to explain.

For many years now I have noticed that I notice when I do something nice for a black person. If I hold the door open for a black woman, rather than just feel good about doing something nice, my brain makes a point of saying 'hey, way to be not racist.' Or if I do something nice while driving, same thing. I have managed to rationalize these little bigotries away, but over the last two days I have noticed something that has forced me to face my racism, and hopefully begin to abolish it. Yesterday I saw a little black girl eating a mango at the grocery store, and again this morning another little black girl eating one on the way to school. Big deal, one would think, but a little voice in my head begged the question, would I have noticed a white girl eating a mango? And if so, would I have thought anything other than yuck?(I don't like mangos) It bothers me that I noticed something like that. I know that eating mangos is a black stereotype, but maybe these children simply like mangos, and it has nothing to do with their ethnicity. Granted, there are cultural differences between blacks and whites, but why do we attach a negative connotation to these things? Where did this almost unconscious disdain come from? Why do I have an inner Archie Bunker when such thinking is antithetical to everything I believe in? Is the white culture so much better? The first heart transplant was performed by a black doctor, and the holocaust was orchestrated by some of the whitest white people in history.

Race is such an arbitrary factor that it should be irrelevent in all things save choice of sunscreen, yet even the most, supposedly, enlightened of us cannot dissasociate ourselves from it. Simple evolutionary adaptations to environmental conditions should not be a basis for judgement of character, but we do just that every day. I like to consider myself civilized, and above such things, but perhaps noticing the mote in everyone else's eyes has blinded me to the plank in my own. Now I need to find a pair of industrial strength tweezers.

Marius

The Beginning

Hey folks,
Whaddya think of this?


Princess Aetna swung her mighty bastard sword with deadly accuracy, neatly cleaving the hideous kobold's head from its loathsome shoulders. A familiar crackling sound caused her to duck quickly, but not quickly enough to avoid getting some of her long, blonde hair singed as Motan the Magnificent's lightening bolt spell shot over her head to immolate four of the slavering attackers. She wheeled, and the wind was driven from her lungs as an arrow pierced her armor just below her heart. Enraged, she withdrew a small throwing axe from her belt and hurled it at the archer, neatly burying it between its tiny, pig-like eyes. Aetna gripped the protruding shaft, and with a growl of defiance tore it from her body, and plunged it into the eye of doglike abominations of nature. Suddenly a cool, tingling green light enveloped her, suffusing her with strength and peaceful calm. The sounds of battle faded and for a moment she felt as if she was resting beneath the verdant trees of her native forests. Just as suddenly the healing spell was finished, and the calm was replaced with renewed rage.

"Thanks, Targon!" she shouted to the Elven cleric. Targon merely nodded. He required no gratitude for serving his gods. At least none from mere mortals.

"Aetna! Behind you!!" It was the clear, deep voice of Sir Llewellyn, the Paladin, warning her of a kobold assassin coming up behind her. Aetna shrieked a battle cry as she spun about, sword outstretched to take advantage of the momentum of her spin, but just as she was about to split the beastly foe from nave to chops, her blood-slick fingers slipped on the hilt of her sword and it flew from her grasp to land uselessly against the far wall of the cavern. She gaped in horrified disbelief, then felt the assassin's dagger pierce her heart. With a look of frozen astonishment on her face, Princess Aetna died.

"What?!" Keith shouted. "What do you mean she's dead?"

Jeff just shook his head. "I'm sorry, but you rolled a one. You know that's a fumble, and the assassin rolled a critical hit with a +5 dagger of slaying. Your fighter is dead. Now be a good little corpse and be quiet till the battle's over. If Dave's cleric survives he can resurrect you."

Keith sat down in a huff as the battle concluded. No one else got their character killed, which made him all the more angry. Good to his word, Brother Targon breathed life back into Princess Aetna, and all was well again.

"Ok, guys," Jeff said, "it's getting late, and I have a big test in the morning. Let's call it a night here."

No one argued the point, since it was nearly 11:00, and their parents would be expecting them home soon anyway. Besides, it had been a good night's gaming. They all bagged up their dice, gathered their miniatures and manuals, and headed out. Jeff stopped Keith at the door.
"Hey, you're not still pissed about Aetna, are you?"

"No, not at you. I'm pissed at me for being pissed at you, but I got a shitty roll, that's all."

"Cool. See ya in the library tomorrow?"
"Yeah, after lunch."

Opinions? Interested in where this is going? Oh, and any resemblance to real people, either living or dead, is purely coincidental. I mean, come on. Dave would NEVER play a cleric. ;-)

These Are the People(and spaceships)In Your Neighborhood

Ok, it's a big news day, so let's dive right in, shall we?

First some good news. The Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter made a flawless orbital insertion yesterday. It took seven months for the 4000 pound, $720 million spacecraft to reach the red planet, and it will take another 7 months of careful aerobraking to bring the orbiter down to its desired altitude of approximately 250 miles above the surface. The MRO is equipped with the most powerful optical cameras ever launched into space, as well as a spectrometer for atmospheric analysis, radar for probing beneath the Martian topsoil, an advanced communications array that will permit the craft to more effectively relay information from probes already on the surface, a gravitational field investigation package designed to measure Mars' gravity, and accelerometers which will gather data about the composition and density of the Martian atmosphere during the aerobraking maneuvers.

Once the MRO is settled into its orbit it will begin two years of the most intense and detailed scrutiny of Mars ever conducted. Its high resolution camera will be able to see objects as small as one meter in length, and may even be able to find the wreckage of the Mars Polar Lander which is believed to have crash landed on December 3, 1999.

Closer to home is a story that I am somewhat reluctant to take pleasure in, but it's just too damned hard not to. Slobodan Milosovic, the former Yugoslavian leader responsible for the deaths of thousands of Bosnian Croats and Muslims between 1992 and 1995, died in his cell sometime today. I'm only sorry that he died peacefully in his sleep of apparant natural causes, and not wetting himself and begging for mercy in front of a firing squad. If there is a final judgement beyond this world, I would imagine Milosovic will soon be joining the Infernal poker game right alongside Hitler, Stalin, and Dahmer. Bon voyage, bastard.

Even closer to home is a story I predicted years ago. I have long been saying that Michael Jackson is a classic case of insanity gone unchecked. As long as he was bringing in more cash than any two third-world nations he was coddled, and pampered, and shielded from 'the real world' by the toadies and ass-kissers surrounding him. Well, now the house of cards is collapsing around him. Despite his acquittal of child molestation charges, Jackson has been living in Bahrain ever since, and apparantly not paying his bills here at home. The state of California has given Jackson til Tuesday to pay $100,000 in penalties and $306,000 in back pay owed to nearly 50 workers at his Neverland Ranch. According to workers at Neverland, they haven't been paid since December. Allegations of Jackson's financial troubles have been plentiful, and one witness, a forensic accountant, testified at the recent trial that Jackson had been consistantly spending $20-30 million more than he made annually. Of course, Jackson's attorneys deny all of this, but the workers at the ranch have been barred from returning due to the fact that Neverland's workers compensation insurance had lapsed. As for the dozens of exotic animals at the ranch, several local animal welfare agencies have been notified, and PETA has even put thier two cents in, calling for all the animals to be sent to sanctuaries.

And right here at home, I'm not going to war after all. Our beloved mama cat, Artemis, came down with a urinary infection, and her visit to the vet, along with two shots, bloodwork, and antibiotics pretty much wiped out my war chest. But, disappointed though I am, it is far more important to keep the babies healthy. And even though she slept more than usual yesterday, she was friskier than ever last night and even chased the laser pointer, which she ususally ignores. So all in all it was a good decision. But now I have to treat her for ear mites, and she ain't gonna like that.

From sunny Tampa, where I'm about to be bleeding from several places, I bid you adieu for now.

Marius

Baa Baa Cyber Sheep

Folks from my generation and before have a built in flaw that comes from centuries of knowledge that the printed word carries power. Before the age of word processors, and desktop publishing, there were strict guidelines, and steep costs involved in printing information. Therefore, anything printed carried much more weight than anything written or spoken. In the pre-internet days this was rarely a problem, as most bogus things were usually spotted since they quickly became copies of copies of copies of faxes, etc. Bad quality, poor spelling, and obvious home typing all served to out the false document rather quickly. But not anymore. Perhaps our progeny will be less gullible, since they will have grown up with the internet and all its wonders and abuses, and might just consider the glossy, fake articles with as little regard as we did crank phone calls. I hope so, anyway. One of my oldest, and dearest friends sent me, and dozens of others, a very disturbing series of images that have been circulating for a couple of years now. They purport to show an 8 year old boy who was supposedly convicted of stealing a loaf of bread in Iraq having his arm crushed under a truck's tire as punishment. The subject line of this is 'The Truth about Islam' and has the effect of further demonizing those of the Islamic faith. I was once guilty of forwarding every virus warning, and urban legend that crossed my inbox in my early days as a surfer of the web, but after being soundly chastised by many of my friends I have made it a point to verify every such thing before I either A) believe it, or B) pass it along. These pics hit me hard, because I have an 8 year old step-daughter and I was horrified at what I saw. But something just didn't ring true. Firt of all, the 'punishers' put a folded towel beneath the child's arm, which hardly seems the act of those seeking to destroy the limb. Secondly, and most tellingly, the kid wasn't struggling, or being held in any way. My kid won't stay in the shower sometimes without restraint, I doubted that an 8 year old would calmly let a truck crush his arm. So I dug.

It took some time, but I finally found what I was looking for. The pics were real, but the description was totally false. The child was part of a group, either in Iran, Iraq, or India depending on which reference you find, that makes a living by performing 'super human' acts for money. The email that's going around shows 6 pictures of the child before and during the wheel going over his arm, but neglects to show the 7th shot of the kid smiling and undamaged after. Needless to say I was very relieved, and then asked my friend to send out a retraction. The last thing this country needs is false winds to fan the flames of racism.

The point I am trying to make, folks, is please use Carl Sagan's aphorism that extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof. Before you have everyone on your list sending postcards to a Cancer ward in Iowa, or downloading $200 cookie recipes, please check them out first. Here are two really good places to look:

www.snopes.com

www.hoaxbusters.ciac.org/

Odds are if the story, warning, pettition, or picture you just recieved is fake, it will be listed in one of these places. And if all else fails, send it to me, and I'll do my best to prove it true or false.

Here endeth the lesson. Go in peace.

Marius of the Soapbox

So Let's Drink Another Sink

 

Some idiot built this drinking fountain upside-down! 

An Oscar Opinion

It's no secret that I never miss the Daily Show, and I think Jon Stewart is one of the smartest people on tv today, so I looked very much forward to watching him host the Academy Awards Sunday night. I wasn't all that thrilled with this year's crop of films, so I had no real investment in the nominees, but I couldn't wait to see what Stewart would do. I mean I was one of the few people who enjoyed Letterman's turn at the podium for crying out loud. But, I can no longer hide from the truth...it just wasn't that good.

It wasn't that bad, either, but I felt that Stewart's comedy needs a faster pace, and it was almost painful to watch him have to stop in between jokes and quips while the words echoed around the room, and the world. It was like watching a champion sprinter trying to run a race while carrying an anvil. The lines were good, but the political humor didn't seem to go over well with the glitterati in the theatre. Eventually he found his stride, and the funniest lines but one were his obvious improvs toward the end of the ceremony. Pointing out that Three 6 Mafia were the happiest winners that night was great, but a lot of his digs at the politics of the stars engendered what seemed to be forced, polite laughter. The best joke of the night, in my opinion, was when he apologized for Bjork's absence, saying that while she was trying on her outfit, Dick Cheney shot her.

I am frequently dismayed when the writers try to turn the ceremony into a larger version of the host's usual schtick. I think Jon Stewart could have handled being the host without making it The Oscars as performed by The Daily Show. It was a lot like watching Dennis Miller on Monday Night Football. You wanted him to do well, but it just wasn't his realm. Stewart is too deep for Hollywood's most fatuous night. I say let Billy Crystal glide gently over the thin skinned crust of Tinsel Town's elite, offending no one and entertaining everyone, and leave Jon Stewart to plumb the deeper waters of the real world.

Why Can't Marius Blog?

  

More Celebs Leave Us

Wow! It has not been a good week for '70's tv icons. Darrin McGavin, best known as Carl Kolchak in the very short-lived series The Night Stalker that ran from 1974 to 1975, passed away on the 24th of February. I thought he was only in The Night Stalker, but looking over his filmography is like looking at a cross section of television spanning the last four decades. His credits include appearances in The Six Million Dollar Man, Magnum P.I., The Love Boat(of course just about every living celebrity was on the Love Boat at some point), Tales From the Darkside, Highway to Heaven, Murder She Wrote, Murphy Brown, Gargoyles, The Commish, Millenium, and The X-Files. His movies include Airport '77, and of course A Christmas Story. The man was so ubiquitous that he seemed invisible, but his was a full, and busy career, and his millions of fans will miss him.

I only just found out that Dennis Weaver, Who played New Mexico Cop Sam Macloud from 1970 to 1977, died on the 24th of February. While his filmography is just as busy as McGavin's, Weaver will always be known for playing the homey, misplaced deputy trying to clean up the Big Apple.

Don Knotts, Darrin McGavin, and Dennis Weaver. This has been one hell of a February wherein three true talents have left this Earth, and yet no one can get Paris Hilton or Brittney Spears to do just a little too much smack in the limo on the way to their next sleaze-fest. What a world.

G'night, and C'thulhu bless.
Marius

Goodbye, Mr. Chicken

Don Knotts died last night at the age of 81. While it is no tragedy when someone dies at 81, it is certainly sad that one of the brightest lights in the world has now been extinguished.

Everyone knows Barney Fife, and Knotts has said that he is proud of that role, and is happy to be remembered for it. But whenever I think of Don Knotts I think of two movies; The Reluctant Astronaut, and my favorite The Ghost and Mr. Chicken. In both he played the nerdy, cowardly, but noble and lovable schmuck who finds himself forced to become more than he ever imagined. In Astronaut he was a janitor at NASA who told his family that he was an astronaut, and gets accidentally launched into space, with appropriately silly results. And in Mr. Chicken he plays a nervous typesetter who, in the hopes of becoming a full-fledged reporter, accepts an assignment to spend a night in a haunted house, only to be be-deviled by both mean spirited pranksters, and maybe a real ghost or two. In both films he ultimately triumphs, surprising himself and everyone else with his bravery in the face of real danger, and gets the girl. What better role model for a pudgey, Star Trek loving geek-in-training.

Everything I have ever read or seen about Don Knotts showed him to be a warm, gentle, kind-hearted soul who had the gift of making people laugh. He is an American icon, and I am sure that people will be laughing at Barney Fife, and Mr. Limpet, and NASA janitor Roy Fleming, and typesetter Luthor Heggs for many, many years to come.

Vaya con Dios, Mr. Knotts, and thank you.

Marius

I'm Going To War!!(gulp)

Welcome, true believers, to a somewhat contradictory edition of The Corner. There's an old saying that goes 'be careful what you wish for, you might just get it.' As most of you know, I have dabbbled on and off over the last three decades(hay-seuss marimba!) with medieval reenactment in the guise of the Society for Creative Anachronism. The last three years have seen a resurgance of my association with the organization, and I even have armor and bruises anew to testify thusly. Now in March every year there is a gathering in Mississippi called Gulf Wars. It is a war between the kingdoms of Ansteorra and Trimaris, and is a week long excuse to wear funny clothes, hit people with sticks, eat, drink, and be merry. Usually I have a show that weekend and have never been able to attend. This year, however, it cooincides with my Spring Break, and we are not doing anything that would interfere. So, says I to Mrs. Marius, we could go to the war this year. Alas, quoth she, my new job will not allow it, and the young'n's Spring Break isn't till the week after. Sigh, quoth I, foiled again. But then she said, 'why don't you go? You haven't had a vacation in years. I'll get my mom to come up and help with the little 'un.' Really? says I. Really, really, says she.

Make it so!

But now the dread settles in. I have not donned the trappings of a 10th Century Dane for more than a few hours in many years. Nor have a spent a day in armor in many more. Faces have changed, and there will be many I won't recognize, remember, or know. I find myself looking for reasons to back out. But nay, I shan't!! Lord Wihtgar will rise again, gird his loins for battle, and most likely get his medieval buttocks handed to him, but dammit I'm going to have fun!!! I'm going to party like it's 1099, and I'm going to come home bruised, probably somewhat hungover, and hopefully a lot more relaxed.

Now if I can just remember what I did with my tights. ;-)

The Future is Now

I wish to share with you, oh faithful few, a conversation I had with Mrs. Marius last night, that a mere 20 years ago would have seemed completely bizarre. We were cuddling on the couch, and Starbuck, the Kitten of Unbearable Cuteness(tm), was scampering about doing kitten things, when I heard this sentence come out of my mouth.

"Honey, pass me the laser, I want to play with the cat."

Can the anti-gravity boots be too far off?

To infinity...and beyond!!!!

Darth Marius

Republican Dictionary

This was sent to me by my dear friend Deb. I think it clears many issues up.

Have you been as confused as I have, about what exactly is being said in Washington? Now, finally, we get the help we need...

A Dictionary for Republicanisms




alternative energy sources n. New locations to drill for gas and oil.
[Peter Scholz, Fort Collins, CO]

bankruptcy n. A punishable crime when committed by poor people but not corporations.
[Beth Thielen, Studio City, Calif.]

"burning bush" n. A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States.
When asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire.
[Bill Moyers, New York, NY]

Cheney, Dick n. The greater of two evils.
[Jacob McCullar, Austin, Tex.]

class warfare n. Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.
[Don Zweir, Grayslake, Ill.]

climate change n. The blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.
[Ann Klopp, Princeton, NJ]

compassionate conservatism n. Poignant concern for the very wealthy
(Lawrence Sandek, Twin Peaks, Calif.]

creationism n. Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental
[Brian Sweeney, Providence, RI].

DeLay, Tom n. 1. Past tense of De Lie
[Rick Rodstrom, Los Angeles, Calif.].
2. Patronage saint
[Andrew Magni, Nonatum, Mass.].

extraordinary rendition n.! Outsourcing torture
[Milton Feldon, Laguna Woods, Calif.].

faith n. The stubborn belief that God approves of Republican moral values despite the preponderance of textual evidence to the contrary
[Matthew Polly, Topeka, Kans.].

free markets n. Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense
[Sean O'Brian, Chicago, Ill.].

girly men n. Males who do not grope women inappropriately
[Nick Gill, Newton, Mass.].

God n. Senior presidential adviser
[Martin Richard, Belgrade, Mont.].

growth n. 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.
2. What happens to the national debt when Republicans cut taxes on the rich
(Matthew Polly, Topeka, Kans.].

healthy forest n. No tree left behind
[Dan McWilliams, Santa Barbara, Calif.].

honesty n. Lies told in simple declarative sentences--e.g., "Freedom is on the march"
[Katrina vanden Heuvel, New York, NY].

House of Representatives n. Exclusive club; entry fee $1 million to $5 million (See Senate)
[Adam Hochschild, San Francisco, Calif.].

laziness n. When the poor are not working
[Justin Rezzonico, Keene, Ohio].

leisure time n. When the wealthy are not working
[Justin Rezzonico, Keene, Ohio].

liberal(s) n. Followers of the Antichrist
[Ann Wegher, Montello, Wisc.].

No Child Left Behind riff. 1. v. There are always jobs in the military
[Ann Klopp, Princeton, NJ].
2. n. The rapture
[Samantha Hess, Cottonwood, Ariz.]

ownership society n. A civilization where 1 percent of the population controls 90 percent of the wealth
[Michael Albert, Piscataway, NJ].

Patriot Act n. 1. The pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.
2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us
[Michael Thomas, Socorro, NM].

pro-life adj. Valuing human life up until birth
[Kevin Weaver, San Francisco, Calif.].

Senate n. Exclusive club; entry fee $10 million to $30 million
[Adam Hochschild, San Francisco, Calif.].

simplify v. To cut the taxes of Republican donors
[Katrina vanden Heuvel, New York, NY].

staying the course interj. Slang. Saying and doing the same stupid thing over and over, regardless of the result
[Suzanne Smith, Ann Arbor, Mich.].

stuff happens interj. Slang. Donald Rumsfeld as master historian
[Sheila and Chalmers Johnson, San Diego, Calif.].

voter fraud n. A significant minority turnout
[Sue Bazy, Philadelphia, Pa.].

woman n. 1. Person who can be trusted to bear a child but can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have the child.
2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place
[Denise Clay, Philadelphia, Pa.].

A Thought

Whoever domesticated the cat was obviously tired of the drudgery of sleeping.

Marius
5:38am

Who's Watching the Ports?!

Just when I think I understand the world, and this country, something comes along that just totally baffles me. At a time when unemployment is skyrocketing, and outsourcing is gutting our workforce, why would we allow foreign companies to manage some of our largest seaports? Apparantly a London based company has been managing US seaports in New York, New Jersey, Baltimore, New Orleans, Miami and Philadelphia. That's wierd enough, but now the Bush administration has no problems with the buying of the London-based Peninsular and Oriental Steam Navigation Co., the company that currently operates these ports, by Dubai Ports, a company in the United Arab Emirates. Bush protests that the Dubai company is in full compliance with US laws, and has vowed to cooperate with all security requirements. He states, "I can understand why some in Congress have raised questions about whether or not our country will be less secure as a result of this transaction but they need to know that our government has looked at this issue and looked at it carefully."

Members of both the House of Representatives and the Senate, Republicans and Democrats have objected to the sale, and requested that the President delay the move for further study. And the loudest objections are not coming from low-level legislators. House Speaker Dennis Hastert(R-Ill) and Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist(R-Tennessee) have both objected, and there is a proposal to pass a bill to block the sale. And in a further sign that the president is losing touch not just with the American people, but his own party, Bush has vowed to veto any such legislation.

So let's see if I have this straight, we spend billions in Iraq to remove a toothless despot with no proven connections to Al Quaida, the 9/11 attack, or weapons of mass destruction, but we are putting some of our most important seaports into the hands of a country that is known to have been the financial base of operations for some of the 9/11 hijackers, and is suspected in complicity with the smuggling of nuclear materials. Isn't it nice to know that more than two-thousand of our young men and women have died in the desert so we can allow the billionaire sheiks of the United Arab Emirates to monitor six of our most vulnerable areas?

Please, someone, anyone, impeach that idiot before he kills us all!

It's a Kitten's Life Trashing the Den

  

How Do Ya Like Them Apples...Dick?

I have purposely avoided the Dick Cheney shooting, since the Daily Show, and PIKARESQUE have already done such a fine job with it, but the interview he gave today has inspired me to point something out. "The image of him falling is something I'll never ever be able to get out of my mind," Cheney told Fox's Brit Hume. "I fired, and there's Harry falling. It was, I'd have to say, one of the worst days of my life at that moment."

It's a little different when you are pulling the trigger yourself, isn't it, Mr. Vice President.


Not that I really believe he's all that broken up about it, but to hear a man who has been directly responsible for so much death claim to be upset at shooting someone with bird shot seems a little disingenuous, wouldn't you say?

Marius

Happy VD, Everyone!!

 
 

Which Star Trek Character Are You?

Your results:
You are Geordi LaForge

Geordi LaForge 70% James T. Kirk (Captain) 60% Mr. Scott 60% Will Riker 50% Worf 50% Deanna Troi 50% Uhura 45% Jean-Luc Picard 45% Beverly Crusher 45% An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 45% Chekov 40% Data 39% Spock 35% Mr. Sulu 35% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 20%

You work well with others and often fix problems quickly. Your romantic relationships are often bungled.

Click here to take the "Which Star Trek character are you?" quiz...

Rocketboom Takes Off

It's Thursday, October 13th, and I'm watching the end of a program on G4 called Attack of the Show. The host is interviewing an attractive blonde from New York named Amanda Congdon. It seems that she has been doing a daily video blog, or Vlog, for nearly a year, and has garnered quite a following. The format is simple, she and her partner Drew post a semi-satirical, totally opinionated three minute segment in the form of a news cast. The subject matter covers everything from rebuilding in Sri Lanka, to geekware toy stores in Manhattan. Normally such an interview would hold my attention for a few minutes, then get sent to my mental trash bin, but something about Amanda's absolute lack of any guile or falsehood stuck in my mind. The next day I went to http://rocketboom.com . I have yet to miss an episode since. The stories are often fascinating, or bizarre, or have a different take on something everyone else is covering, but it is almost always interesting. And one of the best parts is that you can comment on each episode, and unless the comment is vulgar there is no censorship on the opinions. I cannot recommend the site enough.

For the last few months Rocketboom has been talking about trying to make some money from their labor of love. They get hundreds of thousands of hits a day, and they, quite naturally, decided to see if they could get a little compensation for a year and a half of hard, unpaid work. They hit upon a very clever idea: auction off one week's worth of ads on Ebay. They set ground rules: no porn or gambling companies; and they would make the ads themselves and run them after the regular vlogcast. The comments flew fast and furious, mostly in favor of the venture. Some worry that with great cash comes great loss of integrity, others just seem to be sour grapes eaters. But the overwhelming majority, myself included, are thrilled that Amanda and Drew might actually get some reward for being so entertaining and informative. The auction lasted one week, and ended Thursday with a final bid, from someone called starfinder5, of $40,000! And there was much rejoicing!!

Rocketboom posts Monday through Fridays, so the comments have been piling up since Friday morning. When I last checked this morning there were 88 comments, 86 of which were positive. The two negative ones seemed to be from the kind of people who probably kick their children's bedroom door open at 11:59pm Christmas Eve and shout, 'You know there is no Santa Clause!' I couldn't be happier for them, and I encourage everyone to check out the site. They have an archive section where you can go back and see all of the posts from the beginning, which is kinda fun to watch the evolution of a phenomenon.

In any event, Amanda and Drew, congratulations. You truly deserve to reap the fruits of your labors.

Marius

A Little Less Enthusiasm, I Beg You

Lately there has been a lot of anger and frustration over the 'high price of oil'. Oil companies have been making record profits, gas prices have gone through the roof, and folks are, for the first time since the mid-70's paying attention to those three little letters, MPG. In the last couple of days I have received emails showing photos of an Arab sheik's silver plated Audi, and an indoor ski slope built in the middle of a Middle-Eastern desert. Both messages came with the caption: See what $2.29 a gallon buys. Well, while I can certainly understand the anger and frustration(when it takes $20 to fill my Saturn's tank I get a bit frustrated too), complaining about it is like the chef complaining that the fat man in the dining room weighs too much. We are feeding the monster with nearly everything we do, and it isn't until it becomes inconvenient that we start to complain.

For as long as I can remember scientists, sociologists, and the occasional politician have been warning us about our unprecedented dependence on oil. Most people only think about the gas in their tanks, but petroleum is used in the manufacture of most plastics. Just think about how many items in your everyday life use plastics. Plus most of the electricity in the US is generated using petroleum fueled power plants. There is oil in our cars, our lawnmowers, our computers, our furniture, even the lip-balm we use to keep our kissers supple. As much as I hate to agree with anything that comes out of W's mouth, we are truly addicted to oil. And unless we change our basic ways of thinking and living that addiction is not going away any time soon.

I don't think it is possible to reduce our need for plastics, but we can work on the ways in which we generate and use energy. Politicians have found a couple of buzz words that make them sound like they are trying to solve the problem, so let's look a little more closely at them.

Hydrogen. There is a lot of talk about hydrogen being the next big fuel. Hydrogen fuel cells generate electricity by combining hydrogen with oxygen, and the 'waste' product is water. Sounds great, doesn't it? The President loves to tout his dedication to hydrogen technologies, but there is one major flaw no one in Washington is mentioning. Hydrogen is abundant on our little planet, but not in its pure form. It is pretty much all tied up in compounds, most abundantly water. Most of us performed electrolysis experiments in high school, running current through water to make hydrogen and oxygen, and that's the same way they get hydrogen today. But here's the kicker. The electricity needed to break water down into its constituent parts comes from...say it along with me folks...oil burning power plants. Right now it takes far more energy to make hydrogen than we get back by using it in fuel cells. Eventually there will be a better way to get hydrogen, and I fully expect to see practical fuel cells in common use in my lifetime, but that day is years, if not decades off.

Ethanol. Ethanol has been around for years. By fermenting corn you can make a fuel that will power our gasoline driven equipment. There are places where corn is plentiful that have been augmenting their gasoline with ethanol since the '70's. And everyone knows that we, the US, grow more corn than we use. So, ethanol is a natural, renewable source of cheap fuel, right? Well, yes and no. Just like with hydrogen we need to look at the big picture. While there is some debate over this, it seems that when you factor in the petroleum products needed to plant, fertilize, harvest, and process the corn your net energy savings gained from using it as fuel aren't that great. The upside is that it can be used as an alternative fuel today, but it won't significantly reduce our oil needs in the long run.

So, what's my point? Glad you asked. Rather than waste time, effort, and emotion decrying those who merely feed our gluttonous needs, start making real efforts to reduce those needs. Drive less. Get rid of the monstrous SUV in your driveway. Walk, ride bikes, carpool, use public transportation. Recycle anything and everything you can. If you own your home there are numerous ways to reduce your oil-driven energy consumption. Wind and solar power are practical, affordable, and available for many household uses. Research is making great strides in using such things as ocean waves and tidal changes to generate clean electricity. Electric and hybrid cars are being refined and improved yearly, and the price of these vehicles is dropping rapidly. Simply being aware of the amount of energy you use, and making a conscious effort to reduce it whenever, and wherever possible will make a world of difference. We need to stop blaming others, and take responsibility for our own excesses. The oil will run out, maybe not today, or this century, but it will run out, and unless we want to run out with it, we have to do something today. If not for ourselves, for our children.

Here endeth the lesson. Go in peace.

Marius

Radio Drones

Of late I have noticed an interesting phenomenon. There are many musical groups I like, but quite often I like them because of an album or song that is outside the band's usual style or subject matter. Three examples leap to mind: Metallica's Black Album; They Might Be Giants Flood; and Green Day's American Idiot. All three are, in my mind, masterworks, and yet the bands' fan bases seem to feel that they don't measure up to previous work. I have listened to earlier, and later works of these bands, and still find the albums mentioned to be superior, and definitely different. And that's what I like about them. I appreciate musicians who don't just find a formula and keep repeating it over and over(hear that Aerosmith and AC/DC?) I find it hard to fathom why anyone would want to hear the same three songs with different lyrics for fifteen albums. Metallica's earlier work was very gritty, and angry, and rough, and many of their fans resented the polished sound of the Black Album, whereas I like it for just that reason. I have also heard that Green Day fans either love or hate American Idiot, often saying things like, "I liked them better before they quit the booze and drugs." Personally I don't find American Idiot to be that different from any of their earlier stuff; it's just more polished and focused. And I have yet to hear a Green Day album that I didn't like. My own fave, Blue Oyster Cult, had some clunkers in the '80s(Club Ninja being the worst), but at least they were trying new stuff. I welcome change and growth in my music. One of my favorite performers was Ronnie James Dio, who fronted for Black Sabbath after Ozzy left, and then went out on his own after 3 albums with Sabbath. I followed his solo career closely, even saw him live three times, but he had used up all his ideas by the third solo album, and I lost interest.

I know that people sometimes fear change, which is why American Idol is so popular. (Anyone who is truly original usually doesn't make it past the first cut on that televised freak show)(and I'm sorry, Puddy, Clay may be a great person, and have a good voice, but he is hardly anything new musically) But I just don't get how groups or performers can keep making cookie cutter songs and albums, and people hail it like it is a cold glass of Gatoraid in the Sahara. They may not have been the greatest musical geniuses of all time, but I appreciated bands like DEVO, The B-52's, and The Go-Go's just because they didn't sound like everybody else. I'd be hard pressed to tell the difference between Brittany Spears, Christina Aguillera, and Jessica Simpson without looking at them. And the boy bands are even worse. Pop music today is more formulaic than a high school chemistry class. And the rock scene isn't much better. Bands either sound like Limp Bizkit or The Offspring, with the occasional gem like Disturbed or Godsmack. Come on, people. Embrace the new, the original, or someday all music will sound like the stuff they play at the local mall.

Marius

Hold Still!

 


The feline equivalent of mom spitting on a napkin. 

Decaffeinated Thoughts

Good morning, and welcome to a sleepy edition of The Corner. For the past 5 weeks I have been participating in a clinical study to test a new blood pressure medicine, and today is the last day so I can't eat or drink anything until they draw some blood later this morning, which means (gasp, shudder) no coffee. So, join me in my zombified state as I blather a bit.

I just realized something wierd. In this world of rampant, pervasive, omnipresent advertising I have never seen an ad for either WD-40 or duct tape, yet I have never met anyone who didn't know what both are.

Squirrels are everywhere, running, jumping, climbing trees, mugging people for their french fries, but I have never witnessed a squirrel crapping. I wonder why that is.

I watched the Superbowl last night. The game was very good, but the commercials were rather lame this year. The only ones that were even vaguely amusing were the Budwiser ads, and even they were pretty tame. The puritanical ripples from the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction are still rebounding off of the network programmers, causing an increase in self-censorship and a decrease in cleverness. Even the half-time show, featuring the Rolling Stones, was incredibly tame. Mick Jagger and the gang can still rock the house, and Mick himself is pretty lively for someone in his sixties, but it was a pretty boring set. And the audio mixing was horrible! The first song was Start Me Up, and if you closed your eyes you could easily imagine that you were in a Karoke bar listening to your buddy Stan, who has had too many beers and too few singing lessons, trying to sound like Mick. The rest of the set didn't sound as bad, so I either got used to the crappy mixing, or they fixed it. In any event instead of marching bands, pretty ladies in high boots twirling batons, or any other traditional half-time stuff, we get four aging male rockers and some tired old songs. wheee.
The game itself was well played and came right down to the wire. I have no real interest in either team, so I chose to root for Pittsburg because I have been there once. I believe that they were the underdogs, but I'm not sure. They were victorious,however, and with the exception of a couple of iffy calls by the referees it was a good, clean game.

Well, oh faithful few, that's about all I can squeeze out of these dampened dendrites this chilly Florida morn. Take care, be well, and may Juan Valdez bless you with all the go juice you can handle.

Marius

Victory!!!

 
 

Motherly Love

 


And just what did you sit in, young man?