Friday, January 20, 2006

Awwww

 
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@#$!!! Automated Phone Systems!!

If you are as frustrated with the interminable telephonic sargasso sea that is the modern automated receptionist, go here for a way to get immediately to a real person at various companies.

Yours in service to humanity,
Marius

http://www.paulenglish.com/ivr/

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Thanks, PIKARESQUE!

 
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Dos

This was lovingly swiped from Turtle's blog.(http://turtlelair.blogspot.com/)

Two Names You Go By
1. Rick
2. Wihtgar

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. English
2. French(hence a constant inner conflict)

Two Things That Scare You
1. Tree Frogs
2. Death

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. Coffee
2. The Daily Show

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. Blue Jeans
2. underpants

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment)
1. Blue Oyster Cult
2. Green Day

Two Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love)
1. Compatability
2. At the very least a tolerance for all the wierd shit I'm into.

Two Truths
1.Contrary to popular opinion, the universe does not need to make sense.
2. Before you criticize someone try walking a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You About the Opposite Sex.
1. A flat tummy.
2. firm breasts.

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. SCA
2. A certain highly addictive online video game.

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. To finally be financially stable.
2. To get out of this hell-hole apartment.

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. Scotland
2. Australia

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Discover the secret to immortality.
2. Leave the Earth.

Two Ways That You are Stereotyped
1. Mostly Harmless
2. Safe

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now
1. Ok, one of the cats peed in here somewhere.
2. Am I going to regret that nap I just took tonight?

Two Stores You Shop At
1. Kash and Karry
2. Wally-World

Two favorite web sites
1. www.rocketboom.com
2. www.engrish.com

Two cars you owned
1. 1978 Subaru FE
2. 1997 Saturn SL

Two pets you had
1. Blimber- a big, dumb Old English Sheep Dog.
2. Starbuck- the world's cutest kitten.

Two Sports
1.
2. SCA Heavy Combat

Two People who will fill this out
1. Dame Judi Dench
2. Bold Sir Robin

Two things you did last nite
1. Cooked dinner.
2. Played CoH

Two shows you like to watch
1. Mythbusters
2. Battlestar Galactica(the new one)

Two places you like to go "out" to
1. The Olive Garden
2. The Movies

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Sexual Predators Were Askin' For It

It seems like at least once a month I hear another story of some sick, middle aged bastard busted while trying to meet a 13 year old girl he met on line for sex, only to find out 'she' was a cop. Some civil rights groups are calling this entrapment, but I could not disagree more. Entrapment, according to the 'Lectric Law Library[ http://www.lectlaw.com/def/e024.htm ] occurrs when three things happen:

"- First, the idea for committing the crime came from the government agents and not from the person accused of the crime.

- Second, the government agents then persuaded or talked the person into committing the crime. Simply giving him the opportunity to commit the crime is not the same as persuading him to commit the crime.

- And third, the person was not ready and willing to commit the crime before the government agents spoke with him."


None of these apply to these scumbags. No cop called them up and said 'I am a thirteen year old girl, wanna sleep with me?'. Nor did they continually ask the defendant to rape them. And lastly these vermin were not innocent victims of an idea that was never in their heads. A recent three-day sting operation in California bagged 49 of these depraved sleazeballs, and I say good riddence. I only hope that more of these sicko's get caught by cops posing as children, so that no more real children have to be retrieved from shallow graves in the woods.

Parents, do you know who your children are chatting with?

Sadly,
Marius

Right to Die

Yesterday Oregon's Supreme Court upheld a law passed twice by the citizenry that allows doctors to prescribe medication to allow terminally ill patients to end their lives with dignity and a minimum of suffering. The Bush administration, and several Christian organizations are, of course, vehemently opposing this. And as I listened to this story on NPR this morning I struggled to understand why these groups that are so quick to endorse the death penalty and war are so strenuously opposed to allowing innocent, suffering people of sound mind the right to end their own lives. I mean think about it. A man who brutally rapes, tortures, and then kills an 11 year old girl will get a peaceful, painless lethal injection, but a woman who has committed no crime must suffer a withering, horrificly painful death at the brutal hands of cancer because the 'moral' right says so. It doesn't make sense, even for the radical right-wing extremeists. Then something dawned on me. These folks are also, probably, in bed with the insurance industry. Dead people don't bring in revenue, but a barely living, heavily medicated ICU patient quickly pays for a yacht and trip to Bermuda. This is pure speculation, and I haven't a shred of evidence, but it's the only way any of this makes sense.

That or they are just plain stupid.

Marius

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I'm Super, Thanks for Asking

Well, Diablo was fun, but now I've been sucked into an even more addictive game. It's called City of Heroes, and it's a MMORPG, or a massively multi-player, online role playing game. You create a superhero and then run around an incredibly detailed and intricate city fighting evil. The Diablo gang have formed a supergroup, and we fight and chat and run around and generally have a great time. My toon, as they are called, is a cyborg named Dr. Zoidberg who shoots electricity out of his hands and, at least so far, can hover. I'm still a relatively low level character, so it's not that impressive. But given the amount of time I've put in so far, I'll be changing the course of mighty rivers in no time.

Being as I was the one of the group, during our misspent youth, who was not really into video games or comic books I didn't expect to be all that into this game, but a knowledge of comic lore is totally unnecessary to enjoy the living hell out of this. There is also an expansion pack called City of Villains, where you can play a super bad guy. But that's a way off yet.

So if any of you out there that read this want to come down to the 9th level on Champions, look me up.

Dr. Zoidberg

Sunday, January 15, 2006

A Brief Bit of History

Gather 'round folks, and let me tell you a tale of the past. Many years ago, in the early stages of that wierdest of modern decades, the '80's, five lads in South Florida discovered that they shared an interest in a certain science fantasy film franchise, as well as a penchant for medieval violence. To that end constructed they 'swords' out of whatever scrap wood they could swipe from the local community theatre(well, the Technical Director let us...I mean them have the lumber), and shields out of the flimsiest of plywood. Then one of the lads, being more obsessed with Sith lords than feudal lords builded he a lightsabre out of a broomstick and a piece of pvc pipe. Flourescent orange was the sabre, and many a battle was fought in denim armor and football helms. Fingers were bruised, and teeth were broken(sorry, Jeff) and all but one of the young warriors went on to join the SCA and fight 'for real'. And through it all the one young would be Jedi harbored his fixation on the lightsabre which, in his opinion, was the coolest weapon ever imagined.

Fast forward a couple of decades and a thousand miles or so, when our not so young anymore hero finds, at a local bookstore, that working lightsabres have been made available to the public. No, they don't cut through stuff, but they do light up and make all the proper sounds. Surely this is what Heaven feels like. Finances and timing were not in conjunction that day, and the sabre was merely fondled, but not acquired.

One year later, back in Florida, our Jedi without portfolio sits at home when what to his wondering eyes should appear but Duke Sir Thumithak with a most excellent gift...a lightsabre. Oh frabjous day!! It lights up, it makes the right noises, it is, in a word, SWEET!!!!! I know that effusive gratitude makes him uncomfortable, so I thought I would tell the tale here just so he knows how much this means to me. I know it's just a toy, but it's a toy I've been waiting most of my life for.

Thanks, dude. :-)

Where's Jar-Jar!

 
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Friday, January 13, 2006

Retraction

A few days ago I posted the story of a mouse that, after being thrown inhumanely into a pile of burning leaves, ran back under the rodent slayer's house and set it ablaze. Ld. Thomas commented that the tale had been branded a fake, and now I have independant confirmation that it did not, indeed, occur. Read on.

Flaming Mouse Story Found To Be False
Rumor Squashed: Flaming Mouse Didn't Start House Fire

UPDATED: 8:39 am CST January 10, 2006

FORT SUMNER, N.M. -- A small -town rumor that sparked world -wide interest about a mouse burning down a house has been found to be untrue.

After 81-year-old Chano Mares's house burned down Saturday in Fort Sumner, news services picked up the quirky story.

"Flaming Mouse Burns Down House" read the headline over an Associated Press story that appeared on nbc13.com, for example.

According to the initial report, Mares threw the critter in a pile of burning leaves near his home, but it ran back to the house on fire.

A local firefighter said the mouse ran to just beneath a window and the flames spread up the window and throughout the house.

All contents of the home were destroyed, but no one was injured.

Interest in fires has been high lately. Unseasonably dry and windy conditions have charred more than 53,000 acres and destroyed 10 homes in southeastern New Mexico in recent weeks.

The mouse story, however, has been doused by Mares.

"It's really humorous more than anything that a mouse burned down the house," he told KOAT-TV in Albuquerque. The mouse was dead when it hit the burning leaves.

Mares said he trapped and killed the critter and tossed it on the fire.

The flames, he said, probably reached his house because they were driven by high winds.

Capt. Jim Lyssy of the Fort Sumner Fire Department said the rumor probably got started because there was "a little too much excitement" at the time of the fire.

Mares lost everything -- and has no insurance -- but the mouse story still makes him smile.

"I started laughing, and I'll be laughing from now on," he said. "It's silly."

http://www.nbc13.com/news/5973746/detail.html

Mea Culpa?

Hi Folks, and welcome to another day here at The Corner. It's audience participation day today, and since it's Friday the Thirteenth(dum dum duuuummmmmmmm!) I thought I would investigate just how annoying all my pictures of Starbuck and Artemis are. I realize that the combination of Kitten + Digital Camera + Internet Access can equal Too Damned Many F***ing Cat Pictures, so have I reached that critical mass yet? I'm like a junkie trying to kick his addiction. Each picture I post is 'definately going to be the last one', but then the little demon does something just sooooo adorable I have to share it lest my cuteness buffer overflows and I start wearing Hello Kitty crap and buying Julie Andrews albums or something. I'd love to show you his evil side, which is only just barely outshone by his immense cuteness powers, but usually when he is being annoying I'm not really in the mood for pictures. In fact usually he's being hurled down the hallway amidst a stream of profanities the likes of which would make Muad'Dib blanche.

So sound off, Gentle Readers. Do we like the pics? Do we hate the pics? Could we give two shits? How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? The ball, figuratively, is in your metaphorical court.

Marius

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

Starbuck Protests

 


Starbuck shows his objection to the removal of Peanuts reruns from the local paper by doing his Snoopy impression. Posted by Picasa

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

And Justice For All...even rodents

All I can say about this asshole is...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!


Blazing mouse sets fire to house
A US man who threw a mouse onto a pile of burning leaves could only watch in horror as it ran into his house and set the building ablaze.
Luciano Mares, 81, of Fort Sumner, New Mexico, found the mouse in his home and wanted to get rid of it.

"I had some leaves burning outside, so I threw it in the fire, and the mouse was on fire and ran back at the house," he was quoted as saying by AP.

Though no-one was injured, the house and everything in it was destroyed.

"I've seen numerous house fires, but nothing as unique as this one," Fire Department Captain Jim Lyssy said.

New Mexico has seen several major blazes after unseasonably dry and windy conditions which have destroyed 10 homes and devastated more than 53,000 acres (21,200 hectares) of land.

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/americas/4593682.stm

Published: 2006/01/08 23:45:22 GMT

© BBC MMVI

Saturday, January 07, 2006

Feline Intervention

This morning, unbeknownst to me, I rolled double zeroes and invoked the Psycho Kitten of Doom. I had foolishly thought that, since I didn't have to be anywhere today until waayyy past dawn, I could do a bit of sleeping. But I, in my foolish optimism, neglected to consider the 'kitten factor'. I have tried to use classical, operant conditioning techniques with Starbuck, i.e. not feeding him as soon as I get up, get home, or whatever. I did not wish to set up a behavioral link between any predictable action on my part, and feeding time. Oh, how foolish we mortals be. When I finally went to bed, around 1 am, I did not close the bedroom door since Starbuck tends to not start bugging me until after 6ish,which is actually sleeping in for me these days, but that was before I blew my saving throw.

4:45 am: A little furry buzzsaw perches upon my chest.

4:46 am: Said critter is gently expelled from the bed.

4:50 am: The unmistakable sound of 'stuff being messed with' permeates the darkened
bedchamber.

4:52 am: All attempts to ignore the beast fail, creature is less gently consigned
to the hallway.

5:00 am: Faint tappings, as of a kitten gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

5:03 am: A sound that could be a paw tugging at the underside of the door, or of
claws tearing at the carpet beneath the door. A decision is made to ignore
it.

5:10 am: Yup, the little fuzzy asshole is digging at the carpet. Dammit! Well, I
might as well get up since he's not letting me sleep anyway.

So I thought I would teach him a lesson that waking me up won't do any good. I make coffee, and check the email, and ignore both him, and his partner in crime, Artemis. Eventually they grow bored with pestering me directly, and instead opt for a rousing game of Trash The Apartment. Whoever created the myth of feline grace never actually lived with cats. The sound of two cats chasing each other through a fairly small apartment can be compared to the gentle murmur of a wrecking ball tearing down an accordion factory. Finally I cave, before every single object that sits atop anything else is on the floor, and they get their hard earned tuna. And now it's 6:33 am, and the two demons are being all cute, and adorable, and loving, thus insuring their continued survival.

There is a saying, popular amongst the bumper sticker crowd, that is very apt. In ancient Egypt cats were worshipped as gods...they have never forgotten this.

Marius the Awakened

Friday, January 06, 2006

Deep Thoughts

Some people like to open the Bible to a random page each day in the hopes that the great unseen hand will guide them to an appropriate passage. I tried that for a while, but all the begetting and smiting got to be too much, so I decided to try using Scott Adams' 'The Dilbert Principle' instead. Here we go.

The Dilbert Principle, pp. 291-292, Harper Collins Publishers, copyright 1996

Genghis Khan Example

Many years ago, on a desperately cold evening on the tundra, Ghengis Khan ordered his Mongol hordes to 'mount their horses' and do a ride-by 'mooning' of the neighboring village. There was no real reason for this except that he wanted some peace and quiet while he sat in his tent designing various fashion items made out of dead animals.
Some of the Mongols were later embarrassed to admit that they misinterpreted the order to 'mount their horses'. This made for a good laugh back at the camp.
Later, through a series of creative retellings, this whole Genghis Khan legend got blown up into a much bigger deal than it was. But you have to remember, there were maybe two dozen people on the planet at the time, so everything seemed important. And everybody agreed it was probably best to embellish the story a bit so the Mongol hordes wouldn't look bad in business books later on.


Truly words to live by.

Walk Like A...well, you know

 
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Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Cuteness

 
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I Don't Feel Tardy

Good day, and welcome to 2006, eh. ::sniff, sniff:: Hmmm, what's that smell? Wait, look, on the ground. It's a steaming pile of 2005. Thank Ipthar that year is over. Unfortunately too many people still have some on them. Man, did we get our asses handed to us or what? Too many natural disasters, too many dead in the Middle East, too much anger and anguish and misery. I'm not saying these are the 'end times' or any such nonsense, but 2006 has got to be better for everybody. Even the white clouds in 2005 had shitty linings: we got out of Louisiana, but we live in a crappy apartment, in a crappy neighborhood, and I work at a crappy school(ok, so that last was a bit self-centered, but hey, it's my blog)plus I miss all my LC friends terribly.

Ok, ok, that's enough whining over spilled cosmic milk. It's a brand new year and I am determined that it will be a better year, for everyone. So to all of you out there who have to clean the karmic skid marks from the spiritual undies of 2005 let me wish you a great, happy, prosperous, and squeaky clean 2006.

Just be careful you don't step in it.

;-)

Peace out,
Marius