Republican Dictionary

This was sent to me by my dear friend Deb. I think it clears many issues up.

Have you been as confused as I have, about what exactly is being said in Washington? Now, finally, we get the help we need...

A Dictionary for Republicanisms




alternative energy sources n. New locations to drill for gas and oil.
[Peter Scholz, Fort Collins, CO]

bankruptcy n. A punishable crime when committed by poor people but not corporations.
[Beth Thielen, Studio City, Calif.]

"burning bush" n. A biblical allusion to the response of the President of the United States.
When asked a question by a journalist who has not been paid to inquire.
[Bill Moyers, New York, NY]

Cheney, Dick n. The greater of two evils.
[Jacob McCullar, Austin, Tex.]

class warfare n. Any attempt to raise the minimum wage.
[Don Zweir, Grayslake, Ill.]

climate change n. The blessed day when the blue states are swallowed by the oceans.
[Ann Klopp, Princeton, NJ]

compassionate conservatism n. Poignant concern for the very wealthy
(Lawrence Sandek, Twin Peaks, Calif.]

creationism n. Pseudoscience that claims George W. Bush's resemblance to a chimpanzee is totally coincidental
[Brian Sweeney, Providence, RI].

DeLay, Tom n. 1. Past tense of De Lie
[Rick Rodstrom, Los Angeles, Calif.].
2. Patronage saint
[Andrew Magni, Nonatum, Mass.].

extraordinary rendition n.! Outsourcing torture
[Milton Feldon, Laguna Woods, Calif.].

faith n. The stubborn belief that God approves of Republican moral values despite the preponderance of textual evidence to the contrary
[Matthew Polly, Topeka, Kans.].

free markets n. Halliburton no-bid contracts at taxpayer expense
[Sean O'Brian, Chicago, Ill.].

girly men n. Males who do not grope women inappropriately
[Nick Gill, Newton, Mass.].

God n. Senior presidential adviser
[Martin Richard, Belgrade, Mont.].

growth n. 1. The justification for tax cuts for the rich.
2. What happens to the national debt when Republicans cut taxes on the rich
(Matthew Polly, Topeka, Kans.].

healthy forest n. No tree left behind
[Dan McWilliams, Santa Barbara, Calif.].

honesty n. Lies told in simple declarative sentences--e.g., "Freedom is on the march"
[Katrina vanden Heuvel, New York, NY].

House of Representatives n. Exclusive club; entry fee $1 million to $5 million (See Senate)
[Adam Hochschild, San Francisco, Calif.].

laziness n. When the poor are not working
[Justin Rezzonico, Keene, Ohio].

leisure time n. When the wealthy are not working
[Justin Rezzonico, Keene, Ohio].

liberal(s) n. Followers of the Antichrist
[Ann Wegher, Montello, Wisc.].

No Child Left Behind riff. 1. v. There are always jobs in the military
[Ann Klopp, Princeton, NJ].
2. n. The rapture
[Samantha Hess, Cottonwood, Ariz.]

ownership society n. A civilization where 1 percent of the population controls 90 percent of the wealth
[Michael Albert, Piscataway, NJ].

Patriot Act n. 1. The pre-emptive strike on American freedoms to prevent the terrorists from destroying them first.
2. The elimination of one of the reasons why they hate us
[Michael Thomas, Socorro, NM].

pro-life adj. Valuing human life up until birth
[Kevin Weaver, San Francisco, Calif.].

Senate n. Exclusive club; entry fee $10 million to $30 million
[Adam Hochschild, San Francisco, Calif.].

simplify v. To cut the taxes of Republican donors
[Katrina vanden Heuvel, New York, NY].

staying the course interj. Slang. Saying and doing the same stupid thing over and over, regardless of the result
[Suzanne Smith, Ann Arbor, Mich.].

stuff happens interj. Slang. Donald Rumsfeld as master historian
[Sheila and Chalmers Johnson, San Diego, Calif.].

voter fraud n. A significant minority turnout
[Sue Bazy, Philadelphia, Pa.].

woman n. 1. Person who can be trusted to bear a child but can't be trusted to decide whether or not she wishes to have the child.
2. Person who must have all decisions regarding her reproductive functions made by men with whom she wouldn't want to have sex in the first place
[Denise Clay, Philadelphia, Pa.].

A Thought

Whoever domesticated the cat was obviously tired of the drudgery of sleeping.

Marius
5:38am

Who's Watching the Ports?!

Just when I think I understand the world, and this country, something comes along that just totally baffles me. At a time when unemployment is skyrocketing, and outsourcing is gutting our workforce, why would we allow foreign companies to manage some of our largest seaports? Apparantly a London based company has been managing US seaports in New York, New Jersey, Baltimore, New Orleans, Miami and Philadelphia. That's wierd enough, but now the Bush administration has no problems with the buying of the London-based Peninsular and Oriental Steam Navigation Co., the company that currently operates these ports, by Dubai Ports, a company in the United Arab Emirates. Bush protests that the Dubai company is in full compliance with US laws, and has vowed to cooperate with all security requirements. He states, "I can understand why some in Congress have raised questions about whether or not our country will be less secure as a result of this transaction but they need to know that our government has looked at this issue and looked at it carefully."

Members of both the House of Representatives and the Senate, Republicans and Democrats have objected to the sale, and requested that the President delay the move for further study. And the loudest objections are not coming from low-level legislators. House Speaker Dennis Hastert(R-Ill) and Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist(R-Tennessee) have both objected, and there is a proposal to pass a bill to block the sale. And in a further sign that the president is losing touch not just with the American people, but his own party, Bush has vowed to veto any such legislation.

So let's see if I have this straight, we spend billions in Iraq to remove a toothless despot with no proven connections to Al Quaida, the 9/11 attack, or weapons of mass destruction, but we are putting some of our most important seaports into the hands of a country that is known to have been the financial base of operations for some of the 9/11 hijackers, and is suspected in complicity with the smuggling of nuclear materials. Isn't it nice to know that more than two-thousand of our young men and women have died in the desert so we can allow the billionaire sheiks of the United Arab Emirates to monitor six of our most vulnerable areas?

Please, someone, anyone, impeach that idiot before he kills us all!

It's a Kitten's Life Trashing the Den

  

How Do Ya Like Them Apples...Dick?

I have purposely avoided the Dick Cheney shooting, since the Daily Show, and PIKARESQUE have already done such a fine job with it, but the interview he gave today has inspired me to point something out. "The image of him falling is something I'll never ever be able to get out of my mind," Cheney told Fox's Brit Hume. "I fired, and there's Harry falling. It was, I'd have to say, one of the worst days of my life at that moment."

It's a little different when you are pulling the trigger yourself, isn't it, Mr. Vice President.


Not that I really believe he's all that broken up about it, but to hear a man who has been directly responsible for so much death claim to be upset at shooting someone with bird shot seems a little disingenuous, wouldn't you say?

Marius

Happy VD, Everyone!!

 
 

Which Star Trek Character Are You?

Your results:
You are Geordi LaForge

Geordi LaForge 70% James T. Kirk (Captain) 60% Mr. Scott 60% Will Riker 50% Worf 50% Deanna Troi 50% Uhura 45% Jean-Luc Picard 45% Beverly Crusher 45% An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 45% Chekov 40% Data 39% Spock 35% Mr. Sulu 35% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 20%

You work well with others and often fix problems quickly. Your romantic relationships are often bungled.

Click here to take the "Which Star Trek character are you?" quiz...

Rocketboom Takes Off

It's Thursday, October 13th, and I'm watching the end of a program on G4 called Attack of the Show. The host is interviewing an attractive blonde from New York named Amanda Congdon. It seems that she has been doing a daily video blog, or Vlog, for nearly a year, and has garnered quite a following. The format is simple, she and her partner Drew post a semi-satirical, totally opinionated three minute segment in the form of a news cast. The subject matter covers everything from rebuilding in Sri Lanka, to geekware toy stores in Manhattan. Normally such an interview would hold my attention for a few minutes, then get sent to my mental trash bin, but something about Amanda's absolute lack of any guile or falsehood stuck in my mind. The next day I went to http://rocketboom.com . I have yet to miss an episode since. The stories are often fascinating, or bizarre, or have a different take on something everyone else is covering, but it is almost always interesting. And one of the best parts is that you can comment on each episode, and unless the comment is vulgar there is no censorship on the opinions. I cannot recommend the site enough.

For the last few months Rocketboom has been talking about trying to make some money from their labor of love. They get hundreds of thousands of hits a day, and they, quite naturally, decided to see if they could get a little compensation for a year and a half of hard, unpaid work. They hit upon a very clever idea: auction off one week's worth of ads on Ebay. They set ground rules: no porn or gambling companies; and they would make the ads themselves and run them after the regular vlogcast. The comments flew fast and furious, mostly in favor of the venture. Some worry that with great cash comes great loss of integrity, others just seem to be sour grapes eaters. But the overwhelming majority, myself included, are thrilled that Amanda and Drew might actually get some reward for being so entertaining and informative. The auction lasted one week, and ended Thursday with a final bid, from someone called starfinder5, of $40,000! And there was much rejoicing!!

Rocketboom posts Monday through Fridays, so the comments have been piling up since Friday morning. When I last checked this morning there were 88 comments, 86 of which were positive. The two negative ones seemed to be from the kind of people who probably kick their children's bedroom door open at 11:59pm Christmas Eve and shout, 'You know there is no Santa Clause!' I couldn't be happier for them, and I encourage everyone to check out the site. They have an archive section where you can go back and see all of the posts from the beginning, which is kinda fun to watch the evolution of a phenomenon.

In any event, Amanda and Drew, congratulations. You truly deserve to reap the fruits of your labors.

Marius

A Little Less Enthusiasm, I Beg You

Lately there has been a lot of anger and frustration over the 'high price of oil'. Oil companies have been making record profits, gas prices have gone through the roof, and folks are, for the first time since the mid-70's paying attention to those three little letters, MPG. In the last couple of days I have received emails showing photos of an Arab sheik's silver plated Audi, and an indoor ski slope built in the middle of a Middle-Eastern desert. Both messages came with the caption: See what $2.29 a gallon buys. Well, while I can certainly understand the anger and frustration(when it takes $20 to fill my Saturn's tank I get a bit frustrated too), complaining about it is like the chef complaining that the fat man in the dining room weighs too much. We are feeding the monster with nearly everything we do, and it isn't until it becomes inconvenient that we start to complain.

For as long as I can remember scientists, sociologists, and the occasional politician have been warning us about our unprecedented dependence on oil. Most people only think about the gas in their tanks, but petroleum is used in the manufacture of most plastics. Just think about how many items in your everyday life use plastics. Plus most of the electricity in the US is generated using petroleum fueled power plants. There is oil in our cars, our lawnmowers, our computers, our furniture, even the lip-balm we use to keep our kissers supple. As much as I hate to agree with anything that comes out of W's mouth, we are truly addicted to oil. And unless we change our basic ways of thinking and living that addiction is not going away any time soon.

I don't think it is possible to reduce our need for plastics, but we can work on the ways in which we generate and use energy. Politicians have found a couple of buzz words that make them sound like they are trying to solve the problem, so let's look a little more closely at them.

Hydrogen. There is a lot of talk about hydrogen being the next big fuel. Hydrogen fuel cells generate electricity by combining hydrogen with oxygen, and the 'waste' product is water. Sounds great, doesn't it? The President loves to tout his dedication to hydrogen technologies, but there is one major flaw no one in Washington is mentioning. Hydrogen is abundant on our little planet, but not in its pure form. It is pretty much all tied up in compounds, most abundantly water. Most of us performed electrolysis experiments in high school, running current through water to make hydrogen and oxygen, and that's the same way they get hydrogen today. But here's the kicker. The electricity needed to break water down into its constituent parts comes from...say it along with me folks...oil burning power plants. Right now it takes far more energy to make hydrogen than we get back by using it in fuel cells. Eventually there will be a better way to get hydrogen, and I fully expect to see practical fuel cells in common use in my lifetime, but that day is years, if not decades off.

Ethanol. Ethanol has been around for years. By fermenting corn you can make a fuel that will power our gasoline driven equipment. There are places where corn is plentiful that have been augmenting their gasoline with ethanol since the '70's. And everyone knows that we, the US, grow more corn than we use. So, ethanol is a natural, renewable source of cheap fuel, right? Well, yes and no. Just like with hydrogen we need to look at the big picture. While there is some debate over this, it seems that when you factor in the petroleum products needed to plant, fertilize, harvest, and process the corn your net energy savings gained from using it as fuel aren't that great. The upside is that it can be used as an alternative fuel today, but it won't significantly reduce our oil needs in the long run.

So, what's my point? Glad you asked. Rather than waste time, effort, and emotion decrying those who merely feed our gluttonous needs, start making real efforts to reduce those needs. Drive less. Get rid of the monstrous SUV in your driveway. Walk, ride bikes, carpool, use public transportation. Recycle anything and everything you can. If you own your home there are numerous ways to reduce your oil-driven energy consumption. Wind and solar power are practical, affordable, and available for many household uses. Research is making great strides in using such things as ocean waves and tidal changes to generate clean electricity. Electric and hybrid cars are being refined and improved yearly, and the price of these vehicles is dropping rapidly. Simply being aware of the amount of energy you use, and making a conscious effort to reduce it whenever, and wherever possible will make a world of difference. We need to stop blaming others, and take responsibility for our own excesses. The oil will run out, maybe not today, or this century, but it will run out, and unless we want to run out with it, we have to do something today. If not for ourselves, for our children.

Here endeth the lesson. Go in peace.

Marius

Radio Drones

Of late I have noticed an interesting phenomenon. There are many musical groups I like, but quite often I like them because of an album or song that is outside the band's usual style or subject matter. Three examples leap to mind: Metallica's Black Album; They Might Be Giants Flood; and Green Day's American Idiot. All three are, in my mind, masterworks, and yet the bands' fan bases seem to feel that they don't measure up to previous work. I have listened to earlier, and later works of these bands, and still find the albums mentioned to be superior, and definitely different. And that's what I like about them. I appreciate musicians who don't just find a formula and keep repeating it over and over(hear that Aerosmith and AC/DC?) I find it hard to fathom why anyone would want to hear the same three songs with different lyrics for fifteen albums. Metallica's earlier work was very gritty, and angry, and rough, and many of their fans resented the polished sound of the Black Album, whereas I like it for just that reason. I have also heard that Green Day fans either love or hate American Idiot, often saying things like, "I liked them better before they quit the booze and drugs." Personally I don't find American Idiot to be that different from any of their earlier stuff; it's just more polished and focused. And I have yet to hear a Green Day album that I didn't like. My own fave, Blue Oyster Cult, had some clunkers in the '80s(Club Ninja being the worst), but at least they were trying new stuff. I welcome change and growth in my music. One of my favorite performers was Ronnie James Dio, who fronted for Black Sabbath after Ozzy left, and then went out on his own after 3 albums with Sabbath. I followed his solo career closely, even saw him live three times, but he had used up all his ideas by the third solo album, and I lost interest.

I know that people sometimes fear change, which is why American Idol is so popular. (Anyone who is truly original usually doesn't make it past the first cut on that televised freak show)(and I'm sorry, Puddy, Clay may be a great person, and have a good voice, but he is hardly anything new musically) But I just don't get how groups or performers can keep making cookie cutter songs and albums, and people hail it like it is a cold glass of Gatoraid in the Sahara. They may not have been the greatest musical geniuses of all time, but I appreciated bands like DEVO, The B-52's, and The Go-Go's just because they didn't sound like everybody else. I'd be hard pressed to tell the difference between Brittany Spears, Christina Aguillera, and Jessica Simpson without looking at them. And the boy bands are even worse. Pop music today is more formulaic than a high school chemistry class. And the rock scene isn't much better. Bands either sound like Limp Bizkit or The Offspring, with the occasional gem like Disturbed or Godsmack. Come on, people. Embrace the new, the original, or someday all music will sound like the stuff they play at the local mall.

Marius

Hold Still!

 


The feline equivalent of mom spitting on a napkin. 

Decaffeinated Thoughts

Good morning, and welcome to a sleepy edition of The Corner. For the past 5 weeks I have been participating in a clinical study to test a new blood pressure medicine, and today is the last day so I can't eat or drink anything until they draw some blood later this morning, which means (gasp, shudder) no coffee. So, join me in my zombified state as I blather a bit.

I just realized something wierd. In this world of rampant, pervasive, omnipresent advertising I have never seen an ad for either WD-40 or duct tape, yet I have never met anyone who didn't know what both are.

Squirrels are everywhere, running, jumping, climbing trees, mugging people for their french fries, but I have never witnessed a squirrel crapping. I wonder why that is.

I watched the Superbowl last night. The game was very good, but the commercials were rather lame this year. The only ones that were even vaguely amusing were the Budwiser ads, and even they were pretty tame. The puritanical ripples from the Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction are still rebounding off of the network programmers, causing an increase in self-censorship and a decrease in cleverness. Even the half-time show, featuring the Rolling Stones, was incredibly tame. Mick Jagger and the gang can still rock the house, and Mick himself is pretty lively for someone in his sixties, but it was a pretty boring set. And the audio mixing was horrible! The first song was Start Me Up, and if you closed your eyes you could easily imagine that you were in a Karoke bar listening to your buddy Stan, who has had too many beers and too few singing lessons, trying to sound like Mick. The rest of the set didn't sound as bad, so I either got used to the crappy mixing, or they fixed it. In any event instead of marching bands, pretty ladies in high boots twirling batons, or any other traditional half-time stuff, we get four aging male rockers and some tired old songs. wheee.
The game itself was well played and came right down to the wire. I have no real interest in either team, so I chose to root for Pittsburg because I have been there once. I believe that they were the underdogs, but I'm not sure. They were victorious,however, and with the exception of a couple of iffy calls by the referees it was a good, clean game.

Well, oh faithful few, that's about all I can squeeze out of these dampened dendrites this chilly Florida morn. Take care, be well, and may Juan Valdez bless you with all the go juice you can handle.

Marius

Victory!!!

 
 

Motherly Love

 


And just what did you sit in, young man? 

Who's Chairs?

 
 

Kitchen: Beyond Thunderdome

 



Two cats enter, one cat leaves! 

January 28, 1986

It was a typical South Florida morning, if a bit chilly. I was, also typically, running late for school. I was a student at Palm Beach Junior College, in my final semester there as a theatre major. My folks were bustling about the house getting ready for work, and while I knew there was to be a shuttle launch that morning, I was too busy to pay much attention to it. The radio was on in the kitchen, tuned to the Miami station my mom likes, but the morning talk show never really interested me. Then, as I was leaving the bathroom to head out to my room to finish getting ready, I heard the phrase, 'we have lost communication with the Challenger'. Now, at this point in time the sounds of radio coverage of the shuttle launches were commonplace, so anything out of the ordinary caught my attention. 'Lost communication with the Challenger' did just that, and I stopped and grabbed the tv remote. I remember hearing words like 'explosion' and 'accident', but nothing prepared me for the first replay of that doomed launch. Everything looked fine at first. Huge clouds of steam, bright orange flames, that improbable conglomeration of cylinders and cones lifting gracefully into the air...then that awful flash of flames from the starboard motor, and an expanding white cloud, horned by the uncontrolled remains of the solid rocket boosters as they veered away from the carnage. After the initial shock wore off I called my friends, at least the ones who would have been awake that early in the morning, and told them to turn on their tv's.

It's hard to believe that it has been twenty years since that morning. I remember it like it happened yesterday. I suppose this is the Kennedy assasination of my generation. If you would like to share your memories of that day, or any thoughts on the shuttle or NASA, please post them.

Requiescant in pace.

Marius

Requiem

Yesterday was the first Day of Remembrance at NASA(with thanks to Michael at http://spaces.msn.com/auxumbilicus/ for pointing it out); a day set aside to commemorate the three greatest tragedies in the history of America's space program. Oddly enough they all took place within a week of each other, just many years apart. I will, herein, tell the sad stories.

Apollo 1

Three men, picked to be the vanguard of the bold venture of putting a man on the moon, reclined in the cramped, equipment-filled command module of the first Apollo spacecraft. They were Gus Grissom, Ed White, and Roger Chaffee. The date was January 27, 1967, and the task at hand was a 'plugs out' test of all on-board systems to make sure that the spacecraft would operate independently when launched the following month. The capsule was sealed, the astronauts strapped in, and all systems seemed to be operating properly. Suddenly a faulty wire somewhere in the miles of tightly packed cables shorted out, causing a spark. The atmosphere in the cabin was pure oxygen, pressurized to about 16 pounds per square inch, and it flashed into flame. The cockpit was engulfed, and bulkheads ruptured, spewing flames into the gantry and preventing any rescue attempts. It took five and a half minutes before the hatches could be removed, and by then the astronauts were dead. The official cause of death was smoke inhalation. What came of this tragedy was, among other things, the abolition of the use of pure oxygen in spacecraft, and a redesigning of the double, inward opening hatch system into a single, outward opening hatch.

Challenger

Francis Scobee
Michael Smith
Ellison Onizuka
Judith Resnik
Ronald McNair
Gregory Jarvis
Christa McAuliffe

Few people alive today don't know the story of the Challenger. At 11:38 am on January 28, 1986, after many delays and problems, the space shuttle Challenger lifted off on a very cold Florida morning. 73 seconds later an O-ring on the starboard solid rocket booster ruptured, and the spacecraft was destroyed. This tragedy was all the more poignant because, for the first time, there was a civilian on board. Christa McAuliffe was a school teacher who earned the opportunity to be the first non-astronaut to go into space. It was a great chance to boost the flagging public support for the manned space program, not to mention a great opportunity for Ms. McAulliffe. Unfortunately she became an unwilling martyr and symbol for those who would see the manned program done away with. Ultimately it was found that the problem was not faulty equipment, although that was the immediate cause of the accident, but a refusal of the administrators to listen when engineers said there was a problem with the equipment. Launch dates and public relations became more important than safety, and seven people payed for that misplacement of priorities with their lives. Many people lost their jobs when the investigation was finished, and two years later Discovery launched flawlessly. Things seemed to be back on track until...

Columbia

Rick Husband
Willie McCool
Kalpana Chawla
Laurel Clark
Mike Anderson
David Brown
Ilan Ramon

February 1, 2003. The Columbia was coming home after 16 days in orbit. They were tired, but very pleased with the mission, and recovered film showed that they were joking and upbeat until the tragedy struck. No one on board the shuttle knew that during their launch a chunk of the insulating foam from the nose of the liquid fuel tank punched a hole in the leading edge of the port wing. It may be a blessing that they didn't know, since there would not have been anything they could have done about it, but that is a debate for philosophers. The facts are that as the spacecraft entered the atmosphere, turning it's incredible speed into ionized, super-heated plasma, the port wing ruptured and the shuttle was ripped apart in a blazing spread of debris that could be seen for hundreds of miles. Pieces of the doomed ship and crew were found in three states, and it took months to gather it in an attempt to determine the cause. And again, like the Challenger, it was determined that while the equipment failure was the immediate cause, the mindset of NASA to underplay or ignore warnings was the underlying reason.

I shall not editorialize on these tragedies, I merely wish to memorialize in my own small way. These astronauts died in pursuit of one of the greatest of human dreams-the furthering of our knowledge and understanding of the universe in which we live. It's true that, compared to the 2,000+ dead in Iraq, and the millions who have died in wars and atrocities all over the world in the decades since 1967, seventeen lives lost is pretty insignificant, but these lives were freely given in the noble attempt to better humanity, and that is worthy of remembering and honoring.

Rest in peace, travelers.

Marius

A Question for the Ladies

Help me, oh you of the female persuasion, to figure out this totally irrelevant yet perplexing quandary. I shop regularly at Wal-Mart, and occasionally at Target(and no, I do not pronounce it Tar-jay, thank you)and I have made an observation. The clientele at Wal-Mart resembles a Cops reunion, while the shoppers at Target look like they are on their way to an America's Next Top Model audition. To my male, uninitiated eyes there isn't that much difference in the selection and quality of merchandise at the two stores, so why such disparity in appearance.

I realize there are several generalizations in this query. Not all who shop
are female, and not all who go to Wal-Mart look like Jeff Foxworthy's distant cousins. Nor do all who shop at Target resemble Tara Banks on her way to a Prada debut, but as I am ill equipped to contemplate this properly, I appeal to you. Any thoughts?

Marius

Excuse me?

I recently heard a couple of idiotic comments of late, and thought I'd share them with you, oh faithful few.

First, there has been more than a little bashing of the religious zealots who decry anything scientific as anti-God, but I can now give equal bash to idiots on the other side. In November the Dali Lama endorsed research being conducted into the actual effects of meditation at Harvard and Princeton universities. He said, "Without investigation, you cannot see reality." Pretty cool, I think. I like the Dali Lama. Actually I like most of what I have heard from both Buddhism and Hinduism, since both pretty much seem to leave others alone should they not care to follow that particular path. But, just as some religious extremists wouldn't accept water from a scientist if they had just crawled out of the desert, some scientists are disdaining the Dali Lama for daring to even talk about science. At the annual meeting of the Society for Neuroscience, in Washington, DC, he made the above comment, but there were actually people petitioning to cancel his talk, and six presenter removed their posters. That is so incredibly stupid. Here we have a man of faith who is saying that there is room in the universe for both science and religion, and the scientists decry him for it. I am constantly shocked by the number of closed minds in the scientific community. Ah well.

And today, while at the grocery store, I heard the most bizarre comment. A young man, probably an athlete judging by his size and dress, was in the next aisle talking very loudly on his cell phone. The store was quite crowed, and I had my 8 year-old with me, so his frequent use of expletives at such a high volume spoke very highly of this fellow's upbringing, but I digress. What caught my attention was that he seemed quite incredulous about something he had just been told, to which he replied, and I quote, "Oh my fucking gosh!" Gosh? GOSH?! He has no problem dropping the F-bomb on half a store, but sweats taking the Lord's name in vain?
Call me old fashioned, but if you are peppering your speech with enough profanities to make Dick Nixon blush, the odd god thrown in here and there really isn't going to make matters worse.

But then again, that's how things would be if I were Gosh.

Marius

Can They Get Any Sweeter?

 
 

Bouillabaisse

We have a lot of ground to cover today, so let's dive right in.

First of all, if you are looking for a cheap, not-yet-illegal high, stay away from the Angel's Trumpet plant. Rumor has it that these plants are powerful hallucinogens, but the reality is that unless you are very, very careful the only high you'll be getting involves a long tunnel with a bright light at the end. Recently a 17 year old Titusville, Florida boy nearly killed himself in his quest for Nirvanna. What ever happened to driving to the 'wrong part of town', buying a nickel bag from some shady character in baggy jeans, getting stoned, eating a bag of Doritos and a pint of Ben and Jerry's and going to sleep?

Kudos to NASA. Thursday afternoon the New Horizons spacecraft launched flawlessly into the azure Florida sky, beginning a decade-long journey to our, maybe, most distant planet Pluto. The timing of this launch was critical because Pluto is as close to us as it will be for another 500 years or so, and even though the New Horizons probe will take nearly 10 years to get there, missing this window would have added nearly half again as much time to the mission. In February of 2007 the probe will pass close enough to Jupiter for the planet's gravity to add to its already incredible velocity. If all goes well the rendezvous with Pluto should occur sometime in 2015-2017.

Why is it that conservatives will rabidly sound off about defending the Constitution, but as soon as someone exercises their First Amendment right to disagree with the administration they are 'unpatriotic', or 'stupid'? I once had a discussion in my class with a very intelligent young lady who was very conservative, and she took exception to the stereotype of the ill-informed redneck conservative, a point I granted her, but everywhere I turn it seems that all I hear from the right is 'You f**king liberals need to just get over it. We won, and yer stupid for daring to question his holiness, W.' And I wish I were exaggerating.

A friend recently turned me on to a web site called www.pandora.com. You input the name of a group, or song, and it automatically programs music for you based on your input. You can link to music purchasing sites, but it's free to listen. I highly recommend it.

Ok, with the exception of another too-cute kitty pic that will go up after this, that's all for now. And hey, let's be careful out there.

Kisses,
Marius

Awwww

 
 

@#$!!! Automated Phone Systems!!

If you are as frustrated with the interminable telephonic sargasso sea that is the modern automated receptionist, go here for a way to get immediately to a real person at various companies.

Yours in service to humanity,
Marius

http://www.paulenglish.com/ivr/

Thanks, PIKARESQUE!

 
 

Dos

This was lovingly swiped from Turtle's blog.(http://turtlelair.blogspot.com/)

Two Names You Go By
1. Rick
2. Wihtgar

Two Parts of Your Heritage
1. English
2. French(hence a constant inner conflict)

Two Things That Scare You
1. Tree Frogs
2. Death

Two of Your Everyday Essentials
1. Coffee
2. The Daily Show

Two Things You Are Wearing Right Now
1. Blue Jeans
2. underpants

Two of Your Favorite Bands or Musical Artists (at the moment)
1. Blue Oyster Cult
2. Green Day

Two Things You Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love)
1. Compatability
2. At the very least a tolerance for all the wierd shit I'm into.

Two Truths
1.Contrary to popular opinion, the universe does not need to make sense.
2. Before you criticize someone try walking a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them you will be a mile away and have their shoes.

Two Physical Things that Appeal to You About the Opposite Sex.
1. A flat tummy.
2. firm breasts.

Two of Your Favorite Hobbies
1. SCA
2. A certain highly addictive online video game.

Two Things You Want Really Badly
1. To finally be financially stable.
2. To get out of this hell-hole apartment.

Two Places You Want to go on Vacation
1. Scotland
2. Australia

Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die
1. Discover the secret to immortality.
2. Leave the Earth.

Two Ways That You are Stereotyped
1. Mostly Harmless
2. Safe

Two Things You Are Thinking About Now
1. Ok, one of the cats peed in here somewhere.
2. Am I going to regret that nap I just took tonight?

Two Stores You Shop At
1. Kash and Karry
2. Wally-World

Two favorite web sites
1. www.rocketboom.com
2. www.engrish.com

Two cars you owned
1. 1978 Subaru FE
2. 1997 Saturn SL

Two pets you had
1. Blimber- a big, dumb Old English Sheep Dog.
2. Starbuck- the world's cutest kitten.

Two Sports
1.
2. SCA Heavy Combat

Two People who will fill this out
1. Dame Judi Dench
2. Bold Sir Robin

Two things you did last nite
1. Cooked dinner.
2. Played CoH

Two shows you like to watch
1. Mythbusters
2. Battlestar Galactica(the new one)

Two places you like to go "out" to
1. The Olive Garden
2. The Movies

Sexual Predators Were Askin' For It

It seems like at least once a month I hear another story of some sick, middle aged bastard busted while trying to meet a 13 year old girl he met on line for sex, only to find out 'she' was a cop. Some civil rights groups are calling this entrapment, but I could not disagree more. Entrapment, according to the 'Lectric Law Library[ http://www.lectlaw.com/def/e024.htm ] occurrs when three things happen:

"- First, the idea for committing the crime came from the government agents and not from the person accused of the crime.

- Second, the government agents then persuaded or talked the person into committing the crime. Simply giving him the opportunity to commit the crime is not the same as persuading him to commit the crime.

- And third, the person was not ready and willing to commit the crime before the government agents spoke with him."

None of these apply to these scumbags. No cop called them up and said 'I am a thirteen year old girl, wanna sleep with me?'. Nor did they continually ask the defendant to rape them. And lastly these vermin were not innocent victims of an idea that was never in their heads. A recent three-day sting operation in California bagged 49 of these depraved sleazeballs, and I say good riddence. I only hope that more of these sicko's get caught by cops posing as children, so that no more real children have to be retrieved from shallow graves in the woods.

Parents, do you know who your children are chatting with?

Sadly,
Marius

Right to Die

Yesterday Oregon's Supreme Court upheld a law passed twice by the citizenry that allows doctors to prescribe medication to allow terminally ill patients to end their lives with dignity and a minimum of suffering. The Bush administration, and several Christian organizations are, of course, vehemently opposing this. And as I listened to this story on NPR this morning I struggled to understand why these groups that are so quick to endorse the death penalty and war are so strenuously opposed to allowing innocent, suffering people of sound mind the right to end their own lives. I mean think about it. A man who brutally rapes, tortures, and then kills an 11 year old girl will get a peaceful, painless lethal injection, but a woman who has committed no crime must suffer a withering, horrificly painful death at the brutal hands of cancer because the 'moral' right says so. It doesn't make sense, even for the radical right-wing extremeists. Then something dawned on me. These folks are also, probably, in bed with the insurance industry. Dead people don't bring in revenue, but a barely living, heavily medicated ICU patient quickly pays for a yacht and trip to Bermuda. This is pure speculation, and I haven't a shred of evidence, but it's the only way any of this makes sense.

That or they are just plain stupid.

Marius

I'm Super, Thanks for Asking

Well, Diablo was fun, but now I've been sucked into an even more addictive game. It's called City of Heroes, and it's a MMORPG, or a massively multi-player, online role playing game. You create a superhero and then run around an incredibly detailed and intricate city fighting evil. The Diablo gang have formed a supergroup, and we fight and chat and run around and generally have a great time. My toon, as they are called, is a cyborg named Dr. Zoidberg who shoots electricity out of his hands and, at least so far, can hover. I'm still a relatively low level character, so it's not that impressive. But given the amount of time I've put in so far, I'll be changing the course of mighty rivers in no time.

Being as I was the one of the group, during our misspent youth, who was not really into video games or comic books I didn't expect to be all that into this game, but a knowledge of comic lore is totally unnecessary to enjoy the living hell out of this. There is also an expansion pack called City of Villains, where you can play a super bad guy. But that's a way off yet.

So if any of you out there that read this want to come down to the 9th level on Champions, look me up.

Dr. Zoidberg

A Brief Bit of History

Gather 'round folks, and let me tell you a tale of the past. Many years ago, in the early stages of that wierdest of modern decades, the '80's, five lads in South Florida discovered that they shared an interest in a certain science fantasy film franchise, as well as a penchant for medieval violence. To that end constructed they 'swords' out of whatever scrap wood they could swipe from the local community theatre(well, the Technical Director let us...I mean them have the lumber), and shields out of the flimsiest of plywood. Then one of the lads, being more obsessed with Sith lords than feudal lords builded he a lightsabre out of a broomstick and a piece of pvc pipe. Flourescent orange was the sabre, and many a battle was fought in denim armor and football helms. Fingers were bruised, and teeth were broken(sorry, Jeff) and all but one of the young warriors went on to join the SCA and fight 'for real'. And through it all the one young would be Jedi harbored his fixation on the lightsabre which, in his opinion, was the coolest weapon ever imagined.

Fast forward a couple of decades and a thousand miles or so, when our not so young anymore hero finds, at a local bookstore, that working lightsabres have been made available to the public. No, they don't cut through stuff, but they do light up and make all the proper sounds. Surely this is what Heaven feels like. Finances and timing were not in conjunction that day, and the sabre was merely fondled, but not acquired.

One year later, back in Florida, our Jedi without portfolio sits at home when what to his wondering eyes should appear but Duke Sir Thumithak with a most excellent gift...a lightsabre. Oh frabjous day!! It lights up, it makes the right noises, it is, in a word, SWEET!!!!! I know that effusive gratitude makes him uncomfortable, so I thought I would tell the tale here just so he knows how much this means to me. I know it's just a toy, but it's a toy I've been waiting most of my life for.

Thanks, dude. :-)

Where's Jar-Jar!

 
 

Retraction

A few days ago I posted the story of a mouse that, after being thrown inhumanely into a pile of burning leaves, ran back under the rodent slayer's house and set it ablaze. Ld. Thomas commented that the tale had been branded a fake, and now I have independant confirmation that it did not, indeed, occur. Read on.

Flaming Mouse Story Found To Be False
Rumor Squashed: Flaming Mouse Didn't Start House Fire

UPDATED: 8:39 am CST January 10, 2006

FORT SUMNER, N.M. -- A small -town rumor that sparked world -wide interest about a mouse burning down a house has been found to be untrue.

After 81-year-old Chano Mares's house burned down Saturday in Fort Sumner, news services picked up the quirky story.

"Flaming Mouse Burns Down House" read the headline over an Associated Press story that appeared on nbc13.com, for example.

According to the initial report, Mares threw the critter in a pile of burning leaves near his home, but it ran back to the house on fire.

A local firefighter said the mouse ran to just beneath a window and the flames spread up the window and throughout the house.

All contents of the home were destroyed, but no one was injured.

Interest in fires has been high lately. Unseasonably dry and windy conditions have charred more than 53,000 acres and destroyed 10 homes in southeastern New Mexico in recent weeks.

The mouse story, however, has been doused by Mares.

"It's really humorous more than anything that a mouse burned down the house," he told KOAT-TV in Albuquerque. The mouse was dead when it hit the burning leaves.

Mares said he trapped and killed the critter and tossed it on the fire.

The flames, he said, probably reached his house because they were driven by high winds.

Capt. Jim Lyssy of the Fort Sumner Fire Department said the rumor probably got started because there was "a little too much excitement" at the time of the fire.

Mares lost everything -- and has no insurance -- but the mouse story still makes him smile.

"I started laughing, and I'll be laughing from now on," he said. "It's silly."

http://www.nbc13.com/news/5973746/detail.html

Mea Culpa?

Hi Folks, and welcome to another day here at The Corner. It's audience participation day today, and since it's Friday the Thirteenth(dum dum duuuummmmmmmm!) I thought I would investigate just how annoying all my pictures of Starbuck and Artemis are. I realize that the combination of Kitten + Digital Camera + Internet Access can equal Too Damned Many F***ing Cat Pictures, so have I reached that critical mass yet? I'm like a junkie trying to kick his addiction. Each picture I post is 'definately going to be the last one', but then the little demon does something just sooooo adorable I have to share it lest my cuteness buffer overflows and I start wearing Hello Kitty crap and buying Julie Andrews albums or something. I'd love to show you his evil side, which is only just barely outshone by his immense cuteness powers, but usually when he is being annoying I'm not really in the mood for pictures. In fact usually he's being hurled down the hallway amidst a stream of profanities the likes of which would make Muad'Dib blanche.

So sound off, Gentle Readers. Do we like the pics? Do we hate the pics? Could we give two shits? How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? The ball, figuratively, is in your metaphorical court.

Marius

Catfish!!

 
 

Starbuck Protests

 


Starbuck shows his objection to the removal of Peanuts reruns from the local paper by doing his Snoopy impression. 

And Justice For All...even rodents

All I can say about this asshole is...AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!


Blazing mouse sets fire to house
A US man who threw a mouse onto a pile of burning leaves could only watch in horror as it ran into his house and set the building ablaze.
Luciano Mares, 81, of Fort Sumner, New Mexico, found the mouse in his home and wanted to get rid of it.

"I had some leaves burning outside, so I threw it in the fire, and the mouse was on fire and ran back at the house," he was quoted as saying by AP.

Though no-one was injured, the house and everything in it was destroyed.

"I've seen numerous house fires, but nothing as unique as this one," Fire Department Captain Jim Lyssy said.

New Mexico has seen several major blazes after unseasonably dry and windy conditions which have destroyed 10 homes and devastated more than 53,000 acres (21,200 hectares) of land.

Story from BBC NEWS:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/go/pr/fr/-/2/hi/americas/4593682.stm

Published: 2006/01/08 23:45:22 GMT

© BBC MMVI

Feline Intervention

This morning, unbeknownst to me, I rolled double zeroes and invoked the Psycho Kitten of Doom. I had foolishly thought that, since I didn't have to be anywhere today until waayyy past dawn, I could do a bit of sleeping. But I, in my foolish optimism, neglected to consider the 'kitten factor'. I have tried to use classical, operant conditioning techniques with Starbuck, i.e. not feeding him as soon as I get up, get home, or whatever. I did not wish to set up a behavioral link between any predictable action on my part, and feeding time. Oh, how foolish we mortals be. When I finally went to bed, around 1 am, I did not close the bedroom door since Starbuck tends to not start bugging me until after 6ish,which is actually sleeping in for me these days, but that was before I blew my saving throw.

4:45 am: A little furry buzzsaw perches upon my chest.

4:46 am: Said critter is gently expelled from the bed.

4:50 am: The unmistakable sound of 'stuff being messed with' permeates the darkened
bedchamber.

4:52 am: All attempts to ignore the beast fail, creature is less gently consigned
to the hallway.

5:00 am: Faint tappings, as of a kitten gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.

5:03 am: A sound that could be a paw tugging at the underside of the door, or of
claws tearing at the carpet beneath the door. A decision is made to ignore
it.

5:10 am: Yup, the little fuzzy asshole is digging at the carpet. Dammit! Well, I
might as well get up since he's not letting me sleep anyway.

So I thought I would teach him a lesson that waking me up won't do any good. I make coffee, and check the email, and ignore both him, and his partner in crime, Artemis. Eventually they grow bored with pestering me directly, and instead opt for a rousing game of Trash The Apartment. Whoever created the myth of feline grace never actually lived with cats. The sound of two cats chasing each other through a fairly small apartment can be compared to the gentle murmur of a wrecking ball tearing down an accordion factory. Finally I cave, before every single object that sits atop anything else is on the floor, and they get their hard earned tuna. And now it's 6:33 am, and the two demons are being all cute, and adorable, and loving, thus insuring their continued survival.

There is a saying, popular amongst the bumper sticker crowd, that is very apt. In ancient Egypt cats were worshipped as gods...they have never forgotten this.

Marius the Awakened

Deep Thoughts

Some people like to open the Bible to a random page each day in the hopes that the great unseen hand will guide them to an appropriate passage. I tried that for a while, but all the begetting and smiting got to be too much, so I decided to try using Scott Adams' 'The Dilbert Principle' instead. Here we go.

The Dilbert Principle, pp. 291-292, Harper Collins Publishers, copyright 1996

Genghis Khan Example

Many years ago, on a desperately cold evening on the tundra, Ghengis Khan ordered his Mongol hordes to 'mount their horses' and do a ride-by 'mooning' of the neighboring village. There was no real reason for this except that he wanted some peace and quiet while he sat in his tent designing various fashion items made out of dead animals.
Some of the Mongols were later embarrassed to admit that they misinterpreted the order to 'mount their horses'. This made for a good laugh back at the camp.
Later, through a series of creative retellings, this whole Genghis Khan legend got blown up into a much bigger deal than it was. But you have to remember, there were maybe two dozen people on the planet at the time, so everything seemed important. And everybody agreed it was probably best to embellish the story a bit so the Mongol hordes wouldn't look bad in business books later on.

Truly words to live by.

Walk Like A...well, you know

 
 

Cry Havoc, And Let Slip The Kitten Of War!!

 
 

Cuteness

 
 

I Don't Feel Tardy

Good day, and welcome to 2006, eh. ::sniff, sniff:: Hmmm, what's that smell? Wait, look, on the ground. It's a steaming pile of 2005. Thank Ipthar that year is over. Unfortunately too many people still have some on them. Man, did we get our asses handed to us or what? Too many natural disasters, too many dead in the Middle East, too much anger and anguish and misery. I'm not saying these are the 'end times' or any such nonsense, but 2006 has got to be better for everybody. Even the white clouds in 2005 had shitty linings: we got out of Louisiana, but we live in a crappy apartment, in a crappy neighborhood, and I work at a crappy school(ok, so that last was a bit self-centered, but hey, it's my blog)plus I miss all my LC friends terribly.

Ok, ok, that's enough whining over spilled cosmic milk. It's a brand new year and I am determined that it will be a better year, for everyone. So to all of you out there who have to clean the karmic skid marks from the spiritual undies of 2005 let me wish you a great, happy, prosperous, and squeaky clean 2006.

Just be careful you don't step in it.

;-)

Peace out,
Marius

Aeon Flux

Hi Folks,
I know that I said there wouldn't be any more entries this year, but I came down with a nasty cold the day I got home, and it still has me in its clutches, so we didn't go to my brother's house to celebrate the New Year as planned. So, to help dampen our disappointment we went to the movies. We saw Aeon Flux.

First of all let me say that I was/am a big fan of the cartoon series, and was a big fan of the animated shorts that gave birth to the series. If you have never seen either, you might not enjoy the movie. If, however, you did enjoy the previous incarnations you should have a good time with this one. I did.

One of the most alluring, and frustrating aspects of the cartoon versions was that they never worried about continuity, or even about making sense. The shorts had no dialogue, and each episode of the series was self-contained, so it was not unusual for our heroine to die and then be back the next week. The movie, on the other hand, suffers from that annoying need for a beginning, middle, and end. But, it does manage to maintain enough of the surreality of its predecessors to still be pretty cool. Imagine A Clockwork Orange + Logan's Run + James Bond and you begin to get an idea. I won't attempt to summarize the plot but Charlize Theron, as I predicted a few months ago, personifies the eponymous assasin beautifully(she has now made it onto my list, by the way). The world she lives in is both beatific and sinister, and you know just below the surface of paradise is a raging serpent waiting to strike. The chairman of this world, Trevor Goodchild, played by Kingdom of Heaven's Marton Csonkas, maintains the 'is he evil or not' quality of the cartoons until the end, but I shan't spoil the surprise. The rest of the cast play their roles well, and Pete Postlethwait puts in a nice cameo, which is the cinematic equivalent of getting the really cool prize in your Cracker Jacks.

Overall this film is a gift to the fans of Aeon Flux, but I doubt it will bring in many new converts to the cause. I would love to see at least one sequel, but I'm not holding my breath.

See y'all next year.

Marius

I'm Baaaaack.

Greetings, Friends, and welcome to the post-Christmas, pre-New Year's edition of The Corner. Well, it certainly has been a wild time for yours truly. The wife and I traveled to South Florida to spend Christmas with the 'rents and visit as many friends as we could. Mrs. Marius had to come home sooner than I did so she could go to work at a wretched lingerie store, one that claims to be from a California town that makes movies. When she was hired she was promised at least 20 hours a week, and maybe lots more during the holidays. What has really happened is that she has been getting, on a good week, 10 hours, and they keep hiring other people while claiming they don't have enough hours to go around. Next week she isn't even on the schedule, so today will be her last day there. I earnestly hope, in the spirit of the holidays, that the store burns down in the night, leaving the rest of the mall untouched, save for a smoking hole where the store used to be. Her sporadic work schedule is also why we couldn't do a lot of pre-planning for our trip home. So to those of you I missed this time, please forgive me. I am going to do my best to get down there a bit more often. And those of you I got to see thanks for dealing with the sudden 'hey, I'm here, can I come over?'. It was great seeing y'all. Unfortunately the trip had a consequence...I'm sick as hell right now. Yesterday I was running a high fever and felt like I'd been run over by a herd of apatasaurs. Today the fever is gone, so I merely feel like shit.

On to some random thoughts.

Is it my imagination, or are the Christian fundamentalists stepping up their assault on freedom in this country? First there were the ridiculous Intelligent Design vs. Evolution battles in public schools, then Pat Robertson's damning of an entire Pennsylvania town for voting ID out of their science classes, and then Bill O'Reilly's ludicrous assertion that anyone who says 'happy holidays' is anti-Christmas. I thought Conservatives were all about the American way? Well, isn't freedom of religion pretty much the most fundamental American tenet? Or is it just that people are starting to take too close a look at the activities of the current administration, and the Right needs a new smoke screen? History will, I suppose, make that judgment.

This next point was to be part of the ongoing series, Let's Purge the Lexicon, but this is not something that needs to be gotten rid of, but rather needs fixing. The word etcetera, usually abbreviated etc., has more and more come to be mispronounced eKcetera. When average people say that I tend to not worry about it, but when I hear news commentators and other people who speak for a living mispronounce it I get annoyed. No one would tolerate a bulldozer driver who couldn't drive the machine, or an author who didn't know grammar, so if you speak for a living, use the language correctly. The same goes for the word escape. It is not eKscape.

Last month I brought my laser pointer home to see how the kitten would react to it. I was worried that it would be kind of cruel, but he loves it! He even asks for it. So if you have a playful cat or kitten, a laser pointer is a great way to entertain them without having to run all over the house with a string or some such.

Ok, that's it for today. Y'all have a safe and happy New Year's celebration. I'll be back in 2006.

Love to all,
Marius

Cool Yule, Y'all

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah, Happy Kwanzaa, and a very swinging solstice to everyone!!

More Movie Reviews

Can you tell that the young'n is away? We get to catch up on movies, and I pass the savings on to you. :-)


The Merchant of Venice: As a theatre professional it is almost a requirement that I eventually see any film version of Shakespeare(although I have no desire to see DiCaprio's Romeo and Juliet, and don't get me started on Keanu)so we rented Al Pacino's Merchant of Venice. I must confess I have never seen, nor read this one, so I was a blank slate. Many moons ago Mr. Pacino did a wonderful film called Looking for Richard in which he portrayed the embattled Richard the Third, so I knew he had the chops for the Bard. And true to form all the performances were spectacular. Jeremy Irons, playing the good guy for once, was magnificent, as was Joseph Fiennes. Lynn Collins as Portia was the shining sapphire in this glorious crown of a cast, and for the first time I could believe the Shakepearean conceit of a woman dressed as a man fooling anyone. The directing was unhurried, but brisk, and the cinemetography was gorgeous. But...

As I said, I am unfamiliar with the text of this play, so I don't know how much had to be edited to get it to it's just over 2 hour running time, but despite Pacino's best efforts to make Shylock a real, sympathetic character it just doesn't work. The piece comes off as a horribly outdated, majorly anti-Semitic diatribe against the Jewish population of Elizabethan England. Shylock, for all the attempts to show that he is justified in his feelings of victimize, merely comes off as a monstrous caricature, determined to use the law to exact revenge upon a population that at once spurns and needs him. And in the end, when his plans are foiled and the court requires him to become a Christian, an ending that Shakespeare no doubt felt was a happy one, I felt disgusted. This film is a beautifully crafted, but horribly flawed look into the prejudices of our past, but I don't know that it is a necessary one.

The Brothers Grimm: My wife is a great fan of fairy tales, especially those of the Brothers Grimm. So we were quite anxious to see Terry Gilliam's latest when it was in theatres. Alas it did not come to pass, so we had to wait for the DVD. I, for one, am glad we did. The Brothers Grimm are two shysters, traveling about French occupied Germany, staging hauntings and demonic attacks, then 'saving the day' for a price. Then they come up against The Real Thing. Animate trees, shapeshifting wolves, bugs...bugs...bugs!! Adventures, and computer animations, ensue. But then things get a bit muddied. Heath Ledger and Matt Damon turn in fine performances as the constantly bickering eponymous duo, as does Lena Headey as the love interest/damsel in distress Anjelika, but Gilliam can't seem to make up his mind if he's making a light-hearted, somewhat campy fairy tale movie, or a sinister ride through the hellscape that spawned most of these tales. One minute we are laughing at the almost ridiculous antics of the Italian torturer, Cavaldi, the next we are retching at the sight of a henchman torn in half by an angry tree. The movie makes such leaps frequently, seeming more like a roller coaster that goes through a carnival fun house. It isn't a bad film, just an uneven one. But even with all it's flaws, my wife is happy to have gotten it for a birthday present, and I suppose that's the important part.

Attention Idiot Consumers

Ok, I have been hooked on eBay for quite some time now, and with the exception of SCA armor I have found some pretty rad deals. The same goes for thrift stores, a habit Pikaresque got me into back when we rode pteranadons to school, but these two august institutions have a similar problem...overblown prices. Why would the Salvation Army store expect me to pay $50 for a used bike when I can get a new one for $60? Why would a seller on eBay charge $4.00 to ship a CD, thus making the final price sometimes higher than buying it new? I'll tell you why...because there are plenty of idiots who will pay these prices! I have seen books and CD's on eBay going for far more than they cost on Amazon.com! Why would anyone buy something used for more than it costs new? Wake up, people! You are making it harder for the rest of us by showing merchants that no matter how much they squeeze, some putz will chime in with a rousing 'Thank you, sir. May I have another?' This is the same mentality that allows the Republicans to cut funding to students and the poor while boosting military and pork spending. It's high time for all the idiots in this country to either wise up, or take one for the team and find an ice floe somewhere.

Dammit!!

Marius

Love Song for a Giant Monkey(King Kong Spoiler Alert)

Folks, as the years settle over me like the cool embrace of wet cement, it becomes harder and harder for a movie to have any sort of emotional impact on me...well other than being pissed off at wasting $16 bucks on another piece of Hollywood drivel. That is why I was so impressed with Peter Jackson's latest epic, King Kong. Now don't get me wrong here. I don't imagine Mr. Jackson will be making any acceptance speaches to the Academy this year, but this film was something very rare, and very precious...a work of art. I could go on about how great the casting was, or what a good job the actors all did, but that's not what impressed me most. What got to me was that every frame of the movie positively efervesced with love. Peter Jackson has been trying to make this movie for most of his life. Seeing the original Kong as a boy is what inspired him to go into film making. And his devotion to the source material is everywhere.

It is quite evident that one thing Jackson took from his experience with the Lord of the Rings movies is the use of a more relaxed pace. King Kong runs at just over 3 hours, but it rarely feels like it. Jackson takes the time to explore relationships, and areas of the story that we never saw in the original. We spend much more time in New York and on the ship than before, and the rescue mission on Skull Island easily takes up a third of the film. In the original the natives seemed like extras from a Tarzan movie, whereas now they are terrifying, with filed teeth and bloodthirsty ways. The dinosaurs in the jungle are every bit as scary as the beasties in Jurassic Park, although the apatasaur stampede got a bit silly. The bug scene was a little over the top as well. But over all the sense of danger and terror were much greater.

And then there is the big guy himself. Kong. Andy Serkis, who was the body double for Gollum in LOTR, once again dons the leotard and reflective spheres to make Kong's movements more realistic. And it's obvious he did his homework vis-a-vis mountain gorrilas. This Kong moves and acts like a giant gorrila should. And I find it ironic that the director who uses computer generated images to their fullest capacity is not a well known space opera creator, but Peter Jackson. With very few exceptions Kong was real. From his one snaggle tooth, to the fur on his back, you never doubt that this is what a 25' tall gorrila would look like. And the facial expressions of Kong are truly breathtaking. Naomi Watts, who plays Anne Darrow, pulls off the emoting at nothing with real grace and feeling, and it is the relationship between Anne and Kong that raises this film out of the realm of special effects extravaganza, and into the rarified air of art. I won't attempt to describe it, and sometimes it teeters precariously on the edge of the cheese precipice, but it never quite crosses the line.

Is this a masterpiece of movie making? Maybe not. Is this a magnificent, moving story of love at its purest? Absolutely. Kong, like all the best monsters, is not so much monsterous as misunderstood and abused, and when he finally slips off the top of the Empire State Building, one cannot help but feel like a great injustice has been done. Bravo, Mr. Jackson. Merian C. Cooper and Willis O'Brien would be proud of this movie.

Good night,
Marius

Sky High: Musings on an OK Movie

So last night the wife and I rented Sky High. We had wanted to see it when it came out, but never managed to make it to the local cine-mega-plexopolis in time. The young'n had seen it with her grandparents, and really liked 'the girl that turns into a purple hamster'(for the sake of accuracy the girl turns into a purple guinea pig, but we need not quibble about speciation here)so we knew it wasn't totally crappy. And it wasn't. It was nice...not thrilling, but nice. The story is pretty formulaic: Son wants to follow in dad's footsteps at same high school dad went to. He faces shame when he can't, and gets lumped in with the unpopular crowd, then later finds he really is as good as dad, and the misfits are all heroes in their own ways. Add the trappings of a universe filled with superheroes and it all falls into place. The adults all seemed a little too 'nudge nudge, wink wink' for my tastes, but the kids did a fine job and seemed to be having a good time. I especially liked the cameos by Linda Carter, Cloris Leachman, Dave Foley, Kevin McDonald, and Bruce Campbell, but there was one thing that bugged me through the entire film. The music.

At first, when the They Might Be Giants cover of Devo's 'We're Through Being Cool' played I rather enjoyed it. But it soon became evident that the entire soundtrack consists of some of my favorite 80's tunes being covered by modern bands. Bowling for Soup did 'Melt with You', Steven Straight did the Fixx's 'One Thing Leads To Another', Vitamin C did 'Til Tuesday's 'Voices Carry', etc. Friends had told me about this, though I had forgotten, but for some reason with each successive song I grew more irritated. I can't figure this out. I love They Might Be Giants, and Bowling for Soup, and I think it's great that these songs are getting a new life, but for some reason I can't put my finger on the whole thing is bugging the crap out of me. Maybe I'm just getting sick of the 'see how cool we are to be using classic rock in our movie' mentality. Maybe I'm just annoyed that the songs of my youth are now fodder for lame covers in a mediocre kids movie. Maybe I'm just pissed about something else and this is where it's leaking out. I really don't know. Is anyone else out there upset by this? Does anyone really know what time it is? Does anyone really care?

Peace, man.
Marius

Planet, or Not Planet, That Is The Question.

Welcome to another seemingly random edition of The Corner. I say seemingly because there is one unifying thread to all of these musings...me! Welcome back to the Brownian thought processes of yours truly.

Space, the final frontier. And a source for endless debate, even over that which we all thought was gospel truth. To whit, Pluto. A planet? An asteroid? A failed comet? Goofy and Minnie's secret love puppy? For many years now there have been strong arguments for Pluto's demotion from certified planet to friendly asteroid. At a scant 2390 kilometers in diameter Pluto is smaller than our own moon(3,474 kilometers)and has an eccentric orbit that, for part of the Plutonian year, actually brings it closer to us than Neptune, and goes in the opposite direction of the rest of the planets, which seems to indicate that it was a cosmic wanderer that got snared by our greedy Sun. In its favor it is definitely round, and has at least one satellite, Charon. But Marius, you might ask, why are you telling us all this? Good question, and the answer is that this year an object, currently nicknamed Xena, was found beyond the orbit of Pluto that is significantly larger than our 9th planet. Xena, and its companion/satellite Gabrielle, orbit in the outskirts of the Solar system called the Kuiper Belt, which is very distant(extending 5 billion miles past Neptune) and is thought to be the origin of most of the cometary activity in our neck of the galaxy. The discovery of a Kuiper Belt object that is larger than Pluto has revived the planet/not a planet controversy, since Xena's distinction rests firmly upon Pluto's identity. If Pluto is a planet, then shouldn't Xena be considered our 10th planet? And if Xena is not to be considered a planet, why then should Pluto be called one? Ultimately this all boils down to the definition of the word 'planet'. Dictionary.com calls a planet, "A nonluminous celestial body larger than an asteroid or comet, illuminated by light from a star, such as the sun, around which it revolves." But, quite surprisingly, the International Astronomical Union(IAU), whose job it is to define such things, has no clear definition. They admit that until very recently there was no need for a clear definition of what a planet is, but they are working feverishly to come up with one. What is clear is that no matter the IAU decision, this debate won't go away.

Personally I think Luna should be used as the gold standard in this debate. If it's bigger than our Moon, it's a planet. If it's smaller; planetessimal, asteroid, comet, dust, space crap,whatever. And let's not even get started on the satellites of Jupiter, Saturn, and the other gas giants.(but I'll go into those later, 'cause some of them are wayyyy cool)
Ok, gotta run. I'm going to get out my Ouija board and see what Carl Sagan has to say about all this. ;-)

See ya,
Marius

Starbuck's First Christmas Tree

 
 

A Moment of Silence for a Lifetime of Laughter

Richard Pryor: December 1, 1940-December 10, 2005



And may flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

My God, It's Full Of Stars

Never let it be said, oh faithful readers, that we at The Corner don't have our metaphorical finger on the pulse of the world. In honor of my dear friend, JR, who lives in Holland, let us visit The Netherlands, where a great tragedy has occured. On November 14th of this year a monumentous event was being prepared. The event, known as 'Domino Day' was in it final preparations to break the world record for setting up, and then knocking over dominoes. The record number of dominoes, 3,992,397, was being escalated to a staggering 4,002,136. It took more than 100 people a month to set up the dominoes. Then, on that fateful day, disaster struck in the form of a...[dum dum duuummmmm!!] sparrow. The feathered fiend, finding itself trapped in the exposition center, and being the Devil's own song bird, took matters into its own tiny talons and began knocking down the dominoes. Panic ensued. Emotional scars were incurred. Dominoes fell like the tears of a litter-finding Native American. At long last a mighty warrior was summoned, who slew the hell-spawned demon with that most manly of weapons...an air rifle. And there was a loud 'hosanna!', for the world was safe, once again, from domino hating sparrows.

Or was it?

There are those in this world who feel that a record breaking domino stunt is not worth the life of a majestic sparrow, and a great hue and cry rippled forth from Amsterdam over the slaying of the bird. Web sites were created, and an official investigation ensued. For, you see, this was no ordinary sparrow. This was a house sparrow, and a recent inductee into the endangered species club. To kill one without a permit is illegal. Justice was served, in the form of a $235 fine to the air rifle wielding exterminator, who, as a professional, should have 'known better.' And what of our tiny, endangered hero/demon/corpse? It languishes in a freezer awaiting taxidermy and then display atop a box of dominoes at the Rotterdam Natural History Museum.

See what happens when you legalize weed? ;-)

See y'all soon.
Marius

The Joy Of Nog

Dear Friends, I want you to join me in a gustatory adventure I have waited 3 long years to undertake. There is a grocery store chain in Florida called Publix. They are, in my experience, one of the best chains in the country in regards to food quality, price, cleanliness, and customer service. Their store brand items are usually just as good as name brands, but once a year they carry an item so wonderous; so decadent; so mind-blowingly delicious that it makes me long for December all year round. Publix brand egg nog. Just saying it, as it rolls off the tongue, makes me feel all warm inside. Oh how I have longed for this miracle of liquid confection. I have tried other brands, since there isn't a Publix within 500 miles of Pineville, but none compare to this nectar. And now, it is time to break my nog-fast, and I want to share the moment with all of you.

The glass sits just to the right of the screen, glowing softly, its pale amber color beckoning. Tiny flecks of nutmeg hover motionless in the viscous goodness, just waiting to explode onto the pallette in a fusillade of flavor. At last, I can wait no longer. I lift the glass, it is cool and damp, and heavy, for this is no low-fat concoction. And now, finally, I drink...

Oh, sweet mystery of life at last I've found yoooooooooouuuuuuu!

It hasn't changed. It is sweet, and nutmeggy, and so delicious that I could easily down an entire half-gallon of it in one sitting. And it's even better with a bit of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum in it. In fact, hold on a moment will you?

Arrrrrr! That's some good nog, matey!

So run, don't walk, to your nearest Publix and get some of this liquid heaven. It may not be good for you, but if death tastes like this, get me to the undertaker.

Mmmmmmmmmmmarius

What Happens If You Drop a Superball Into a Pachinko Game?

Grab a mushroom and get comfy, young'ns, and Uncle Marius will open the drain pan of his cerebrum and dump some thought juice at ya. The she-beast that rules my life, and sucks at the very marrow of my sleep patterns--the Theatre--has released me for a brief time after keeping me buried in her ample bosom for a couple of weeks. But the show hath opened, and slumbers til Friday, so now I must merely deal with recitals and concerts...annoying, yet infinately easier. So what shall we talk about?

Revenge of the scrote, part III. You have seen pictures, and read beaming commentary about the newest members of the Marius compound...the momma cat, Artemis and her darling baby, Starbuck. We have been laboring under the belief that Starbuck was a little girl kitten, but last night I noticed, as 'she' was running down the hall, that there were some decidedly not-feminine bulges below 'her' tail. "Honey," quoth I in summons to Mrs. Marius, "me thinks Starbuck is not quite the little girl we took her to be." "Oh,yeah, I noticed that yesternight." was the matter-of-fact reply. This explains much, for 'tis the male of the feline species that is oft the snuggliest, and this critter is definately of that ilk. His mother, on the other hand, is currently whoring around the neighborhood in a most immodest way, seeking to bestow upon us many more hungry mouths. But fear not, gentle readers. Unbeknownst to the fuzzy harlot, she has a date with a goodly doctor in a scant 13 days, who shall from her gently take all that kitten making stuff. And then shall we draw up our plans to remove the newly found nardlings from Starbuck, hopefully before he discovers his sprayer. Hmm, I wonder if they make neuticles for cats...

At his trial today, Saddam Hussein complained that his quarters were uncomfortable, and that he was being tortured because he couldn't exercise or smoke. Let us all have a brief moment of pity for the poor wretch. (is it possible to experience an emotion for less than a nanosecond?)

The white suit John Lennon wore on the Abbey Road album cover recently sold for $118,000 at an auction in Las Vegas. Dead guys get all the breaks.

Well, it would seem that the brain-pan runs shallow this day. Thanks for dropping by, drive safely, and watch out for the penguins.

Marius

Sick, Sad World

A horrible thing happened in Singapore yesterday. The country has some of the strictest anti-drug laws in the world, and even knowing that Austrailian citizen Nguyen Tuong Van tried to smuggle 14 ounces of heroin through the Changi Airport in 2002. He was arrested, tried, and condemned to death. In Singapore, carrying more than .53 ounces of heroin carries a mandatory death sentence. Fourteen ounces can supply 26,000 hits of the drug and has a street value of $800,000. The 25 year old man was hanged just before dawn on Friday morning, despite numerous appeals from the Austrailian government for clemency.

In a somewhat related case British pop star Gary Glitter is waiting in a Vietnamese jail after being arrested for having sex with a twelve year old girl. Glitter has been jailed in Britain after a child pornography conviction, and expelled from Cambodia for allegedly having sex with minors. In the Vietnamese case, if convicted he could face anything from 5 years in prison, to death by a firing squad.

It would appear that the smaller countries of the world are growing weary of their reputations for lawlessness and anarchy. I think Nguyen's death was a horrific tragedy, but what did he expect? Either he was ignorant of the penalties of drug trafficking in Singapore, or he ignored them. Whichever it was, he was foolish, and payed the ultimate price for that foolishness. And Glitter, well I guess he thought he could indulge his sickness in the third world where no one would care about what he did to the children there. I don't think a firing squad is called for, but 5 years in a Vietnamese prison might just cure him of his pedophillia.

Sorry this isn't funny today, hopefully tomorrow.

Marius

What..what...WHAT!?

Riddle me this: how does a 17-year-old driver in Colorado kill a bicyclist because he was text messaging someone, and only get charged with a misdemeanor? The boy could face a charge of careless driving resulting in death, which carries up to one year in prison. HE KILLED SOMEONE!!! If I was reading a book while driving, and I splattered a guy on a bike I somehow doubt it would be a misdemeanor. I certainly hope the judge has some latitude in the sentencing department for this one. I don't think the kid should do hard time, but how about never being able to get a drivers' license? Never allowed a cell-phone? Chop off his texting hand? Jeeze! Someone is dead because an idiot decided to save a few cents by typing while he was driving rather than just call. This handbasket is getting more uncomfortable every day.

Marius

We Don't Need No Stinkin' First Amendment

This is from the AP via Yahoo.

OAK RIDGE, Tenn. - Copies of a high school's student newspaper were seized by administrators because the edition contained stories about birth control and tattoos, stirring a First Amendment debate.


Administrators at Oak Ridge High School went into teachers' classrooms, desks and mailboxes to retrieve all 1,800 copies of the newspaper Tuesday, said teacher Wanda Grooms, who advises the staff, and Brittany Thomas, the student editor.

The Oak Leaf's birth control article listed success rates for different methods and said contraceptives were available from doctors and the local health department. Superintendent Tom Bailey said the article needed to be edited so it would be acceptable for the entire school.

The edition also contained a photo of an unidentified student's tattoo, and the student had not told her parents about the tattoo, said Superintendent Tom Bailey.

"I have a problem with the idea of putting something in the paper that makes us a part of hiding something from the parents," he said.

The paper can be reprinted if the changes are made, he said.

"We have a responsibility to the public to do the right thing," he said. "We've got 14-year-olds that read the newspaper."

Thomas said she wasn't sure about making changes. "I'm not completely OK with reprinting the paper," she said.

First Amendment experts were critical of the seizure.

"This is a terrible lesson in civics," University of Tennessee journalism professor Dwight Teeter said. "This is an issue about the administration wanting to have control. Either the students are going to have a voice, or you're going to have a PR rag for the administration."

Merry..Uh..Happy..Saturmas?

Ok, let's fire one across the fundamentalists bow. Recently the city of Boston tried to call their Christmas tree a 'Holiday tree' which of course got folks like Jerry Falwell all a titter. He is behind a movement to sue anyone who tries such un-Christian shenanigans. But the Mayor stepped up to the plate and said that he didn't care what the website called it, it's a Christmas tree. So in Jerry's honor let's take a little walk through the past and find out just how Christian our Christmas traditions are. Sherman, set the Wayback machine for the 10th century.

Doodly-doo, doodly-doo, doodly-doo


Scandinavia: The Norse goddess Frigga has a premonition that her son Baldur will soon be killed. Being a dutiful and loving mom she holds a great pow-wow and convinces all living things on Earth to not harm her son...all save one. She overlooked the lowly mistletoe. Loki, being the fun loving sort, hears about this, and hatches a clever scheme. While the other gods are having fun lobbing spears at Baldur, who deftly ducks every single one of them, Loki fashions a spear of mistletoe and pierces Baldur through the heart, thus shuffling him off his godly coil. Frigga, in a supernatural display of forgiveness, hangs the mistletoe from trees and declares that any who walk beneath shall receive a kiss of forgiveness. What a gal.
The Scandinavians also gave us the Yule celebration, which would begin on December 21, and last through January. To celebrate the winter Solstice they would bring home a large log which they would set alight to commemorate the return of the sun. They would feast and party until the log burned out, often taking up to 12 days. They believed that every spark from the log represented a calf or pig that was to be born that year.

Oh, those silly Vikings.

Sherman, set the Wayback for Ancient Rome.


Doodly-doo, doodly-doo, doodly-doo

Mid-December finds our toga-clad forebears preparing for a celebration of the god Saturn called the Saturnalia. As with most things Roman it started off as a night of worship of that particular god, and evolved into a week long festival of debauchery and celebration. Slaves and masters would trade places, and the peasantry would rule as kings. Gifts were exchanged at this time, usually made of silver, but that was more of a guideline than a rule. Christians attempted to co-opt this practice by placing Christ's Mass on December 25th, but the Saturnalian traditions of role reversal and general misconduct continued well into the Medieval times, with the Feast of Fools.

Sherman, Ancient Egypt!


Doodly-doo, doodly-doo, doodly-doo

A society that lives in the desert tends to revere things that grow, and the ancient Egyptians were no exception. On the shortest day of the year, December 21st, Egyptians would adorn their homes with green palm branches to represent life's victory over death. The evergreen was a part of the Roman Saturnalia celebration, and the ancient Druids used evergreen branches to frighten away evil spirits. Granted it was probably Martin Luther who first decorated a fir for Christmas, but the use of trees during religious celebrations is hardly an exclusive, Christian tradition.

Take us home, Sherman.

Doodly-doo, doodly-doo, doodly-doo

So here we are, back in the present.(hee hee, get it? present? oh never mind) Christians who get their panties in a wad over how Christmas is recognized would do well to study their history. Christmas didn't even exist before the 4th century, most of its traditions are based solidly in pagan ritual, and its observance has been a bone of contention between the various Christian factions right up to modern days. How's that for universal Truth?

Merry Festivus!
Marius



Sources:

http://www.historychannel.com/exhibits/holidays/christmas/real2.html

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas#Religious_customs_and_celebrations

Gobble, gobble...burrrrrrrrp, gobble!

Happy Thanksgiving, oh most wonderful and intelligent people on the planet. I've been thinking a bit about this holiday, and with the exception of Independance Day, I think it is the singularly most American of our major holidays. While there are certainly religious undertones to the day, it is primarily a non-denominational excuse...well, let's not use that connotationaly charged word and rather let us say catalyst for togetherness, extroverted introspection, and gustatory excess. But the reason I call it the most American of holidays is that you can wish anyone, and I mean anyone, a happy Thanksgiving without fear of the PC police, or the ACLU, or the 'you didn't list every possible holiday for every possible religion in your greeting' nut-jobs. Thanksgiving is for anyone within our borders, or our hearts on the third Thursday of November. It has no religious boundaries, no denominational restrictions, no reason other than acknowledgement of our blessings, be they God, Man, or Flying Spaghetti Monster given. The only people who scrooge out on Thanksgiving are PETA, and they seem happiest when they are bitching, so even they get something good on Thanksgiving.

So have a happy Thanksgiving, everyone. Enjoy it now, before the Christmas vs. Channukah vs. Kwanzaa law suits start flying. And for you PETA folks, enjoy your sprouts and pine nuts.

Love to all,
Marius